She looked up at Ryann’s amethyst stare, this time finding a bit of frustration mixed with the usual concern, and her heart leapt to her throat.
His eyes, like hers, were sullen, sunken deep in their sockets like forgotten treasure.
He had been pacing for most of the night, also hoping portions of yesterdays nightmare was just that, a dream he could simply forget about when he woke up this morning. But he wouldn’t be able to shake this dream off him until he was able to see Myah again. He wasn’t thrilled with what he found.
He reached out to help her up, and froze as she raised her palms to stop him. With his lips pressed to a fine line, he winced as she creaked and moaned back up to her feet and frowned at him.
They both stayed silent, searching each other sullen’s eyes, until Myah turned and headed in the direction of the beach.
"Wait, Myah!" Ryann caught her arm just as she walked out the door, "Don't…tell me you're going back there."
"Fine, I won't tell you." Myah spat out emptily, turning to face him.
Ryann shut the door, his hand sliding down to meet hers. His brows creased together as he shook his head, squeezing her hand tightly. “Myah, please… I can’t let you go back there, you know I can’t. I care about you so much…”
She couldn’t bring her eyes to meet his as she listened to his voice trail off. There were so many things she wanted to say to that. There were so many ways she wanted to tell him that she cared too. So much so that she would hate to see him ostracized, just like her. She doesn’t want to see him lose family over her, especially not that. She would rather be left on her own than for him to lose everything that was stolen from her. She had to say exactly the opposite of everything she wanted to tell him, to make sure he could learn to avoid her as everyone else did.
"Well, I don’t!" she finally mustering the courage to look him in the eye. "I’ve changed. You’ve changed! We’re different people than who we use to be and I see that now! And I don’t… I don’t care about you anymore Ryann. Not like I use to.” Myah shook her head, looking down, knowing that the pain across his face would make her lose whatever composure she had left.
The two fell silent, Ryann’s fingers still clinging to hers. His insides felt doused in liquid fire. His jaw clenched tightly as he fought back the urging tears. He was mad at Myah, definitely, but at the same time he wanted her just say what was wrong. To explain why she was suddenly forcing all of this distance between them, and why she suddenly didn't want anything to do with him anymore.
As his grasp around her hand didn’t change, Myah could hear her voice tremble just above a whisper at her next words, “It took me almost dying on that cliff to realize that we aren’t going to work anymore, Ryann.” Her tears fell hot and heavy down her trembling chin.
And that was it. That was when Ryann had the message, and his chest lurched forward in agonizing resentment. He eyes drifted elsewhere; he suddenly couldn’t stand the sight of her anymore.
He limply let go of her rigid palm and stuffed his hands into his pocket. Without another word, not even gesture of acknowledgement toward her, he trudged down the hill toward school, his lips tightly wound in an ugly grimace.
As she listened to his distanced footfall, Myah finally let out the weeping cry that was welling in the middle of her throat. Her final words were terrible and disgusting and she hated herself as soon as she let the words slither out, but the small voice in the back of her head repeated sternly that this was the right thing. Letting him hate her was the best thing for him.
But, gods, how she wanted to run to him and tell him that was all a lie and she cared for him with every inch of her soul. How she wanted to take on the world, just the two of them. How she knew she could tackle anything with him at her side.
She clenched her fist as the tears slowed down, as if trying to cling on to the feeling of Ryann’s fingers wrapped tightly around hers, knowing she’d never feel such guiltless warmth from him again. With a final swallow of the last of her sobs, she continued her way to the beach’s shore.
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