Comments - The Veil of Obsidian Eclipse

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Williams

Honestly, you're really talented at writing. Just wanted to ask a quick question about your book 📙.

1 day agoReply

Ruby_Keira_365

Yes? Go ahead.

16 hours agoReply

Williams

@Ruby_Keira_365, How long have you been writing? I noticed your story doesn’t have many readers or a large fanbase yet. Have you tried any strategies to grow your audience.

16 hours agoReply

Ruby_Keira_365

@Williams, It's been exactly a year, thank you for asking. As for my fanbase, I believe it has absolutely nothing to do with you. And I apologize for being so frank on this matter. Nonetheless, if you're seriously looking out for me, then I suggest you spill the beans rather than running around the bush. Furthermore, this isn't the *ONLY* place my fanbase exists, alright? I'm quiet sick of people like you playing with authors like us without even having complete understanding of our presence on the net, knowing well regarding the sorts of scams you plunge behind your exteriors.

14 hours agoReply

Williams

@Ruby_Keira_365, Actually, I'm an author like you i have published my book on Wattpad

14 hours agoReply

Williams

@Ruby_Keira_365, Can i have your discord username? So i can share with you my book link so that you can check.

14 hours agoReply

Ruby_Keira_365

@Williams, I do not fancy social media due to parental restrictions. And if you were an author, I am quiet taken aback by your initial way of reaching out. Moving on, if you wish to share anything with me, you may approach me through this platform's interaction section. Thank you.

13 hours agoReply

Danielle Ferraro

This is a compelling and atmospheric summary that sets the tone well for a dark fantasy novel. Here's a review/commentary with both strengths and areas you might consider refining:

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Strengths:
1. Vivid Language & Atmosphere: The writing style is lyrical and immersive, perfectly suited to dark fantasy. Phrases like "veiled in shadows", "coiled like serpents", and "obsidian eclipse" create a lush, moody tone.

2. Complexity & Intrigue: The setup promises a rich world with layered conflicts—personal, magical, and political. Luxana's internal struggle mirrors the external chaos, which adds depth.

3. Strong Character Hooks: Luxana is introduced with moral ambiguity, which is always compelling. The fractured relationships (mother, father, Roxana/Rudbeckia) provide emotional stakes and tension.

4. Genre Elements: You’ve hit many beloved dark fantasy beats—ancient rivalries, forbidden magic, tragic pasts, an unreliable world. It will likely appeal to readers who enjoy character-driven, morally gray narratives.

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Suggestions for Improvement:
1. Opening Sentence:"In a realm fractured by ancient rivalries and veiled in shadows, Luxana is both the key to salvation and the harbinger of ruin."— This is strong but also quite abstract. Consider anchoring it with a bit more specificity about why she’s both—what makes her fate so pivotal?

2. Clarity in Supporting Characters:Roxana and Rudbeckia’s motivations are compelling, but the explanation is a bit dense. You might break up their story for clarity, especially since they seem central.

3. Streamline Where Possible:The summary is rich, but almost every sentence introduces a new name or concept. You might pare down a few details to let the core conflict and emotion breathe more clearly.

4. Emotional Stakes:You do a great job with world tension, but grounding us in Luxana's desires could strengthen the emotional hook. What drives her, besides survival and uncovering truth?

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Overall Impression:
This reads like the blurb for an ambitious and emotionally charged epic. It promises a story of personal and political upheaval, and the writing style reflects the themes beautifully. With a touch more focus or tightening, it could become even more striking—perfect for drawing in your ideal readers.
Would you like help revising it into a shorter book blurb or back cover copy?

3 months agoReply

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