this story does have potential i will admit. it doesn't really pull me in at all though. the introduction was kind of under-developed... however you did say this was a story you hadn't planned out so that makes sense. perhaps this will be a story that gets better as it goes on...



i'll keep reading ...

just two suggestions.

1. you should probably give the main character some identity to work with. or perhaps a personality so that the reader can enjoy wanting to read about them more...

2. you should probably stop having him ask so many questions. these questions are more on what the reader should be asking and having your character state them so much is kind of boring and doesn't contribute to the story at all... at least that's how i feel... 

i think i'll continue to read on further