Oh thank you.

its sorta hard to talk to them both at the same time but I could try…its more my mon though. I would love to sit down and chat but I’m kinda sacred she wont understand 

@Mira, No worries, you can meet them one on one. Start with your dad 1st (easiest). 

For your mom... Maybe tell her you want to have a serious conversation and you need her to listen first and she can say what she has to after your done. 

Put your foot down! Approach with confidence. Show no fear! You've had enough of this shit!

@Saurna, hmm maybe. I think my dad is actually quite reasonable when it comes to this type of stuff. He's sorta told me the same thing too.

I've sorta tried that before but she says there's other stuff to do. Or says she's busy.

I wish I could do that. But my mother slightly scares me and I'm at a stage in my life that I don't think i could handle it if she got super mad

@Mira, I really am sorry for your loss kiddo. Yeah dads are usually more level headed. Women, especially as mothers, we never learn to adapt to stress or navigate it comfortably. That, coupled with us being emotionally oriented and easily emotionally charged tends to make us shitty persons and terrible mothers (in my book).

We can be emotionally abusive or unavailable when we're needed most because we get caught up in ourselves. I apologize on behalf of your mom. In some ways she's a really good mom, but in others she's doing a lot of harm to you.

You're walking on eggshells around her, that's not good. As a teenage girl you need your mom to be available, even if she's busy. 5 mins of her time. She needs to give you at least that. Try to approach her when she's on down time (assuming she relaxes). You can also try talking to her before she goes to bed.

Your coping mechanism for dealing with your mom may manifest as you being a pushover in the work environment for your boss. Or even make you tolerant to an abusive partner. Those will stress you out excessively. And when you have kids you might turnout more or less the same.

*Don't have kids until you're 30!*

You can get some advice for dealing with childhood trauma on youtube. Anna Akana (therapy in bite sizes, that provoke thought) and Patrick Teahan LICSW (a little bit more in depth therapy).

@Saurna, Oh wow. I never really thought of it. I kinda just thought it was kinda my fault for just being lazy and not helping out more ya know? Not being useful. She does have downtime its just I feel bad for interrupting that because she seems to put up with a lot and is stressed a lot. 

Honestly sometimes I do want to scream and yell at her that shes being unreasonable but I feel like it would make life harder for my brother if I were to do that and she got mad. Yeah I would be upset if she yelled at me and stuff but I feel like it would be worse if she accidently passed that anger onto my brother who already has quite a few issues. 

About turning out like her or just my parents, in general, is scary. I've kinda been thinking about it a lot too. I have a list of things I shouldn't do based of what happens in my life just to kinda reassure myself. Yeah that sorta scares me as a future thing.

oh then my mom had me five years too early.

I did the whole therapy shabang when I was about...6-7? I have asked to go back for stuff but it's just sorta hard. I will look at those YouTubers though!

@Mira, I'm pretty sure you help out. Your mom might expect more, probably cuz she's under stress and looking for an easy way out, by blaming something on someone. Bad habits we need to stop. Yes she needs her down time, but if you have a need, you need to be able to talk to her. Deferring for her is going to stress you out as your need goes unmet. And then it's gonna add to you being crappy at dealing with stress later.

Yeah that holding back on your emotions is stress piling on you. Do you have a place you can just scream? Stress is energy that needs an outlet and it's not getting it. You can try doing a therapeutic letter, put down everything you want to say to her. Every bad thing, every curse, every good thing, let it all out in the letter. Keep it for a few days, then read it again and file away for safe keeping (if you get into therapy later, you can read it again). Helps get shit of your chest if you can't say it to her face.

I'm glad you're conscious of the kind of adult habits you don't want. That's a very good start for a teen. You'll be a better parent later. Good. Every generation should improve. 

Yeah, if you can't get into therapy, you can get some "free" help to get you started. Who knows, might actually save you on the therapy bill.

@Saurna, hmm yeah I guess. I can see where your're coming from and how that can happen.

I don't have a place I can just scream but I do write down my rants onto this massive doc. I re read it sometimes. I also sometimes kinda just cry and get the emotions out at random times when I'm alone.

Yeah. I feel like it's kind of necessary. 

Yes! I checked out those channels last night. There are also a few different websites we are allowed to use here that offers online therapy for free.

@Mira, Good, as long as you get the words out. Good Good, flush yourself out.

Yep.

Nice. Free therapy, beautiful!

Yup