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Miss Anderson

I really am hooked on your story. A great Christian story that I really relate to. You really capture the college experience. One edit: When you say, "Chill out, Brenda," you kind of get redundant when Gee Kay says said and spoke up. Maybe just put one or the other. I agree with the previous commenter about her view of America, and I love your introduction to Indonesian culture. I really enjoy the story and Cynthia's faith. Gee Kay seems like such a gentleman; I would totally adore him in real life. Maybe you could give a description of him haha, if you did not previously. I am going to read back to see if you did because I do not have a picture of him in my head. I really hope you publish this book someday; I will definitely buy it, so let me know when it is in print :)

7 years agoReply

Yohana Ekky

I didn't notice I wrote said and spoke together. LOL! I will edit it soon. HAHA.

About the culture difference, what do you suggest for me to add there? Like what should I describe more?

And, haha, my my. You're right. I didn't describe how Gee Kay looks like. Will definitely add it.

I am hoping to print this out. Yes, I will. As soon as I am ready to publish this, since this is a Christian book. I guess I need to pray a lot.

7 years agoReply

Miss Anderson

@Yohana Ekky, yes, I love Gee Kay, even though he had a temper. I think that he has a right to be mad after what the guy said! As far as her cultural perspective, like the previous poster said, just more insight into her view of the different culture that America is. I am not sure how similar Indonesia and America are, but I am sure they are quite different. Maybe the landscape, the weather...You do mention an accent that Brenda has when she tries to speak Indonesia, which is good. And also the misconception that everyone in Indonesia is friendly, but what is her perception of Americans comparatively? Are the cars different? Things like that. You don't have to go overboard, but it would just be a nice perspective. Even mentioning scenery differences or talking about food. Like as she is trying new food, does it make her miss Indonesian food? How does it compare? Maybe you go into more depth as the story continues. This is just the second chapter, after all. I look forward to seeing :)

7 years agoReply

Nicole Armas

Good story so far! Cynthia's faith is admirable and it will be good to see how it plays a role in the way she perceives and reacts to the world and people around her. I can relate to her skepticism around Genesis, I too don't really believe in something until I know it well. I also find the conflict surrounding Gee Kay to be interesting and wonder what kind of trouble it may cause later on.

My only complaint is that Cynthia is from Indonesia and therefore from a different culture but she appears to make little notice of any differences between her culture and the American one that she is surrounded by. Unless she has been to the United States before, her apparent familiarity with the people and places doesn't make much sense. I think some observations on how she sees the country she is in would add some interest and depth to her.

Anyway, I look forward to reading more!

8 years agoReply

Nicole Armas

@Yohana Ekky, You're welcome! I'm happy to help!

8 years agoReply

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