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Now; all the shouting actually does seem erratic and jumbled. Instead of depicting realistic anger, it plays more like a boyish shonen anime scene. 'T Stone' was right in saying that it lessens the maturity of the story and makes it look amateurish. Both of them shouting is mighty ridiculous. Do they not have different personalities?
Even for a single character, the cursing is also tasteless. I never like it in any situation but here is seems even more overdone and unlikely. (I'm also unsure who is shouting at this point…)
It doesn’t take away from the story itself, just my perception of it. Makes me take your book off the sturdy adult fiction shelf and put it somewhere in juvenile fiction where it will be replaced by another in a few weeks.
I’m guessing the random italics were in error, because it was not needed and confuses what are thoughts and what isn’t. Using so many metaphors in spoken dialogue is also unnatural.
The reveal was a letdown. I assumed the birth of a boy was a worldly problem and not a personal matter that would only affect their family. I don’t understand how a prophecy can be avoided by lying to authorities.
If I could comment in between paragraphs I would add- ‘Wap!’ and her head blowing back does Not sound like a soft sound. Also, how can the person be creeping to the baby in the bed when it was just in the mother's arms?
So I have to repeat; The capitalization IS amateur and seems like a yandere high school girl wrote it. You really should consider the advice since two people now have pointed it out to you. Unless you don’t mind your work being compared to fanfiction.
The story is good, the words, structure, everything is fine. Just a few errors that I wanted to explain. I did enjoy it though.
Regarding the italics and all, I already noticed it and will change it. Though you are different from TS stone, as he/she did not like the story to begin with, it wah not upto their tastes. But I have thought about their criticism well and in a positive manner.
Keep reading, dear friend! AoF will not disappoint you!!