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Nicholas Scriptor

Im starting to think that Jay has notifications turned on for his phone. Dude always shows up before everyone else. Sus.

Anyways, quite the story you’ve made my friend. I would suggest trying to organize the beginning a little better. For instance, with diary entries, you kinda wanna set it up like a letter. Dear Diary, blah blah blah. Always make sure something separates the two, like a - or line break. I think that this was a great piece, and with a little kore organization for paragraphs and something to make it feel more real (no person is like Light fir D.N. who’s gonna notice how a door is slighty left open at 3 centimeters as the norm. Maybe do like a door lock or something next time) and this piece will really shine.

3 years agoReply

Tyshawn Bone

@Kama Blades, Lmao I actually did get inspiration from death note

3 years agoReply

Haha! It's true. I do have notifications turned on for my phone. This is really the only semblance of social media I use anymore, so I'm on here quite a bit.

3 years agoReply

Well... that's quite the love pill... Let's hope no one ever invents something that strong. The story as it is is not bad. Has a tragic twist at the end. The only thing I would be concerned about is that I'm not sure if this would technically fall under the horror theme. Seems more like a pycho-thriller. Granted, that's up to the discretion of the host of the contest. Good story, nevertheless. With some polishing, I think it could shine. Good job! :)

3 years agoReply

Tyshawn Bone

@Jay Ellis I was thinking about that, I just wasn't tapping too much into the horror elements. Though thank you very much for the feedback😄

3 years agoReply

@Tyshawn Bone, I can understand having trouble tapping into horror. Originally, I wasn't sure I was going to be able to write anything for this contest. It wasn't until my wife showed me a creepy story about some security guards working in a haunted theater that I got inspired to do something. By that point, I only had two days left, so like you, I had to kind of throw something together really quickly. Been having to continuously update it since with corrections.

3 years agoReply

Tyshawn Bone

@Jay Ellis, Wow! Respect the grind and idea tho. Yours was really good, and creative! I've never seen a horror story that like taps into security cameras and photo attachments!

3 years agoReply

@Tyshawn Bone, Thank you. The story was inspired both by how I have to do my reports for work as well as the format that you find if you read any SCP entries. If my job allowed me to take pictures, and Penana worked better with imported media (and if I had more time), I would have tried to actually provide the media attachments. I think that would have been super cool. That's actually something I would really like to try someday.

3 years agoReply

Tyshawn Bone

@Jay Ellis, Hopefully Penana does get bette with imported media

3 years agoReply

@Tyshawn Bone, Hopefully. I hate that they only work with URLs, instead of allowing you to upload a file from your computer.

3 years agoReply

Tyshawn Bone

@Jay Ellis, Agree

3 years agoReply

Nicholas Scriptor

@Jay Ellis, you also have to think about how many people like to put out corrupted files. Sad as it may be, there’s a good reason for it, most of the time

3 years agoReply

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