劉拓是隨著長大慢慢記得它的。20Please respect copyright.PENANAAJOWphtaRZ
20Please respect copyright.PENANAlDm3GDXNFh
它像一張被夜色吞了一半的剪紙,立在走廊盡頭,20Please respect copyright.PENANALUA1fwQa7k
沒頭沒臉,只剩一具模糊的人形。20Please respect copyright.PENANAQ3DhYohdOB
月光穿不透,光在它腳邊打轉,像在思考這究竟是不是「人」。20Please respect copyright.PENANAp6V4APi5yY
20Please respect copyright.PENANAG1Zof6PIZs
他並不害怕。20Please respect copyright.PENANA2K4yPJC1fE
20Please respect copyright.PENANAXOThXMSg1m
那時他小,不知道什麼是死,也不知道,這團陰影,從殯儀館冷氣滴水的牆角,一路跟著他的人生。20Please respect copyright.PENANAD6EwywMC2w
20Please respect copyright.PENANARuWitBXB49
劉拓母親懷孕時,新婚的父親死於交通意外,綠燈過馬路,卻被轉彎公車輾過。輾就算了,公車還倒車再輾一次,生生把人輾斷了氣。司機完全沒有道歉,也沒有上香,被問到為什麼要倒車時,僅說我也不知道為什麼我要倒車。20Please respect copyright.PENANA5SijMY18px
20Please respect copyright.PENANAIEJh65POD7
入殮那天,她伏在棺木上痛哭,聲音像撕開的布:「你不是說過,要陪他長大嗎……」20Please respect copyright.PENANAwPm20fzNqz
20Please respect copyright.PENANAJ7NevAr658
「你走了,我怎麼辦……我一個人……我怕我顧不住他啊……他如果跟你一樣出意外怎麼辦?」20Please respect copyright.PENANAzKEsfrtCnO
20Please respect copyright.PENANA8vhsVoXGxK
當時風大得離奇,把葬禮的花籃都給吹倒了,像是對母親的哭聲作出回應。20Please respect copyright.PENANA6nlUR0s4BL
20Please respect copyright.PENANA69H1Iracxt
劉拓後來長大,才知道不是每個人都有個黑影陪著上學,20Please respect copyright.PENANAdB2xoxfIOs
才知道——20Please respect copyright.PENANAk7cb4FIyKd
那團影子不是幻覺。20Please respect copyright.PENANASPTqabM5HK
20Please respect copyright.PENANA8YDE5Hhas7
20Please respect copyright.PENANAWS7bsl3JOQ
第一次思考「爸爸」這個詞的時候,劉拓是在幼兒園畫畫。20Please respect copyright.PENANANUfI9nMoJJ
老師要求畫一家人。20Please respect copyright.PENANAgkppnbN3Fp
他畫得很快,媽媽在中間,自己站她身邊,20Please respect copyright.PENANAVscBkVtyHU
另一側是一團模糊的黑影,有肩膀、有手腳,但臉像是被擦掉了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAPCZofbj2Es
20Please respect copyright.PENANApWzN3XeHQv
老師對其他小朋友的畫都是笑瞇瞇的,20Please respect copyright.PENANA3JfjwCQUa3
卻停下來研究劉拓那張畫很久,20Please respect copyright.PENANALP2Ebrxn7E
終於彎下腰問他:「小拓,這是……誰呀?」20Please respect copyright.PENANA7VEik3P6XJ
20Please respect copyright.PENANAiXbj7zroqs
「爸爸啊。」20Please respect copyright.PENANAzVwAYWaBOG
20Please respect copyright.PENANASyX2YNfuqz
老師愣了一下,轉頭看向角落聊天的媽媽,20Please respect copyright.PENANAOCwwCsPieC
皺著眉,想問些什麼。20Please respect copyright.PENANAS3SrZmi29w
劉拓卻已經收起蠟筆,把畫紙拿到前面放到交作品的桌上。20Please respect copyright.PENANA9fmnKkmrdx
「劉拓媽媽,你們家小拓老是在畫黑影……孩子是不是受了什麼刺激?」20Please respect copyright.PENANAtT30ABs2Jf
母親沉默了好久,只說了一句:「他爸爸……走得早。」
老師沒再問。20Please respect copyright.PENANA7HP56ZSe0v
但那眼神,劉拓記了一輩子。
20Please respect copyright.PENANAeMik7qn2mO
他知道,從那天起,不能再說——20Please respect copyright.PENANAYANje5Qb5n
我爸爸在後面。
20Please respect copyright.PENANAiwFpweAPoJ
因為如果再說,大家會把他送去看醫生。
20Please respect copyright.PENANAAJJ4DIX5uK
他不是不懂黑影奇怪,只是太習慣了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAsQLQNfAXtT
那影子總在放學的時候出現,20Please respect copyright.PENANAiQDHzm2WDQ
隔著三步遠的距離,無聲陪著他回家。20Please respect copyright.PENANAwvfiOy84UL
20Please respect copyright.PENANAjrLpeWAVgt
牽不到手,也不會幫他提書包,20Please respect copyright.PENANA1G6AGrMAyk
但始終在那兒,像空氣裡一種專屬他的壓力感。20Please respect copyright.PENANAIOjTE1sk8M
20Please respect copyright.PENANAKTFuqtYUWX
別人看不見,他習以為常。20Please respect copyright.PENANAnwo2n8diB5
20Please respect copyright.PENANAY9Hne2PGZ1
直到國中那年,他才真正意識到——20Please respect copyright.PENANAQ4w23oVOBQ
那不是正常的存在。20Please respect copyright.PENANAH7bqJV9m42
20Please respect copyright.PENANAucG8YmjjBF
那天,他騎腳踏車下山,剛從補習班趕回家,滿腦子都是明天的考試。坡道很陡,風呼嘯而過,他按了兩下煞車,發現完全沒反應。20Please respect copyright.PENANAB8vht7Ip0i
來不及了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAJmbWZwPdpw
20Please respect copyright.PENANA3op2Y1rNWu
前方是轉不過去的急彎,牆壁邊緣是一塊水泥護墩,還有幾根施工中的歪扭鋼條,撞上去的話,身體與頭殼會像鳥蛋撞石頭一樣……劉拓閉眼,牙齒咬緊,手指死命掐住把手。等撞擊、等鮮血、等報紙的社會版。他覺得自己對不起媽媽,媽媽一直很怕他出意外,都叫他騎腳踏車要小心。他覺得他要害媽媽傷心了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAexDAiNS5iG
20Please respect copyright.PENANAZgHtJNZ4hP
然後——20Please respect copyright.PENANAFvc8PFedaM
一股冰涼的力量猛地從左側拽他。20Please respect copyright.PENANAvuUEXT2OqA
他橫摔進一旁草叢,車子「砰」一聲炸在護墩上,車輪飛了出去,鋼條刺穿車身,像被解體的怪物。20Please respect copyright.PENANA6SCU1u9jFa
20Please respect copyright.PENANAVBdzkX536y
劉拓驚魂未定地爬起來。20Please respect copyright.PENANAJLiI6JRgRO
20Please respect copyright.PENANAJPaDTBpzUj
那一瞬間,他看見了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAfuAcBNELc5
破車旁有個黑影跪在地上,20Please respect copyright.PENANATWSE2jXvFM
手臂不自然地扭曲,像是剛替他擋下那一擊。20Please respect copyright.PENANA4cb2BCvBVw
20Please respect copyright.PENANA6EoQ4dJkro
沒人發現那影子。20Please respect copyright.PENANArn0Ks9KptF
醫生只說他運氣太好了,沒事只是擦傷。20Please respect copyright.PENANAteMHClqZWk
他低頭摸自己皺巴巴的衣領,20Please respect copyright.PENANA4fQNV6jiss
領口像是被人死命攫住、幾乎扯散的鬆著,20Please respect copyright.PENANAK0UB5cVMXl
怎樣摸也平不回去。20Please respect copyright.PENANA3syiAVTKdO
20Please respect copyright.PENANAXORjZCsAmc
那不是第一次。20Please respect copyright.PENANAOWuWlbKbaN
也不是最後一次。20Please respect copyright.PENANAYdpv1XUj7f
他一直沒談這些事。
20Please respect copyright.PENANAEaEKJCzeBb
從國中起,他開始沉默,耳機掛著不摘,對誰都冷淡。
老師說他有距離感,同學說他像一座移動的圖書館。
只有他知道——
每天放學,那黑影都會站在他三步外。
不近不遠,不言不語。
像在履行一份無人知曉的契約。
20Please respect copyright.PENANADSz16vs4pC
有時他走得太快,影子會稍稍飄近;
有時他停下,影子就站定,像一根被釘死的墓碑。
20Please respect copyright.PENANAi6ik5O6Z8t
高中時,他成了標準的優等生——20Please respect copyright.PENANAXilk7875wl
黑髮過眉,眼神冷淡,功課穩定,話少到不需要朋友。20Please respect copyright.PENANA1I7W9qfBA1
他不是不會笑,只是知道這世界的邏輯不容許他說真話。20Please respect copyright.PENANAkmLdhlmznr
20Please respect copyright.PENANAeIhzMjKEDB
他不能說「爸爸陪我上學」——老師會打電話回家。20Please respect copyright.PENANAeWpNysnhM4
不能說「出意外時有人拉我」——同學會叫他神經病。20Please respect copyright.PENANA60jj7DHyAb
20Please respect copyright.PENANABhSGXwUDsW
他再也不敢在畫畫時,畫出那團黑影。20Please respect copyright.PENANAKZvld7BHjh
再也沒人能說——他從小一直都不是一個人。20Please respect copyright.PENANATgDg0zvE7M
說了母親會難受。20Please respect copyright.PENANAQSg6Nf9O6R
20Please respect copyright.PENANADDCciXx05l
那年暑假,有颱風。20Please respect copyright.PENANAaVmPEoq5vJ
劉拓不想浪費學習時間,半夜繼續認真聽英文雜誌,風聲像遠處有人哀嚎。20Please respect copyright.PENANAyc8u3LNi5O
窗戶沒關好,震的厲害,咖啦咖啦的作響,20Please respect copyright.PENANAccXREmjyT3
冷風一陣陣灌進來,他站起來準備關窗。20Please respect copyright.PENANAiLz24vXgYy
拉了一下,沒能拉上。20Please respect copyright.PENANArfwziSvtaR
20Please respect copyright.PENANAn4vt8fiehF
剛探出上半身想查窗外是不是卡到什麼——20Please respect copyright.PENANAb86528C3t1
頸後一隻涼手,用斷腕般的力道,20Please respect copyright.PENANAP2cv0vwApu
將他整個人狠狠拽進房裡,劉拓撞在地板上,書跟文具都撒了。20Please respect copyright.PENANA3HOIrGVZI1
20Please respect copyright.PENANASsClZGLs0k
下一秒,冷氣室外機從十七樓直墜而下,20Please respect copyright.PENANA1En7aIlqPX
砸在劉拓家的三樓窗檻,碎鐵四濺,玻璃飛散。20Please respect copyright.PENANAfOFTsIXPtT
那聲音巨大到像是世界裂了一角。20Please respect copyright.PENANAK5yyjFXGfG
他癱坐地上,看向書桌對面的鏡子。
那黑影,就站在他身後。
肩膀微顫,頭歪著,像是斷了脖子,正凝視他。
20Please respect copyright.PENANArX4r5cdWeV
他哭了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAMSNOW2nnFc
不是因為怕。20Please respect copyright.PENANAfpnI7nKbOJ
是因為難過。20Please respect copyright.PENANANWzoswxWtR
不是自己的痛,而是它的。20Please respect copyright.PENANAbAFlOcp3HQ
他知道,每次自己活下來,那影子就虛弱一分,20Please respect copyright.PENANAVA1qLe1MhI
執著的推開一場又一場葬禮,直到魂薄如煙。20Please respect copyright.PENANA9hFkTwwSiI
20Please respect copyright.PENANAYtvqxEjv15
20Please respect copyright.PENANASsywMIdEQv
他真正認定那是父親,是九歲那年。20Please respect copyright.PENANAiqmvWnlIxf
20Please respect copyright.PENANAq1iFJajxCI
那晚媽媽加班,劉拓調皮,20Please respect copyright.PENANA7zUJjyhf4x
趁機翻開了她的梳妝台抽屜,20Please respect copyright.PENANAnSrZjdiiPv
發現裡面藏著一張光碟,標籤模糊。20Please respect copyright.PENANAtR3tIwcTwj
20Please respect copyright.PENANAmqWaaZi23f
他好奇地塞進放映機。20Please respect copyright.PENANAeo7l7IbPhr
畫質很差,閃爍的雪花覆蓋住記憶。20Please respect copyright.PENANAcQ4Qz5y7tu
但他看到——20Please respect copyright.PENANAXotM1CDFzL
父親穿著白西裝,英俊挺拔,站在禮堂中央。20Please respect copyright.PENANAnLyHKv3NjK
母親挺著孕肚,臉上有種從未在他記憶裡出現過的嬌柔。20Please respect copyright.PENANAxAiAu6RzmN
20Please respect copyright.PENANAXk8gKpYoxz
司儀說:「你是否願意一生守護她,無論順境逆境……」20Please respect copyright.PENANAJYAmm4xOv8
20Please respect copyright.PENANAXFNjvvFOM7
父親低頭,看向母親的腹部。20Please respect copyright.PENANADumWgx6Ya1
像能穿透時間與血肉,望見他——那時尚未成形的他。20Please respect copyright.PENANA1zxiHpNrru
然後,他說的不是誓詞的最後一句。20Please respect copyright.PENANApyrrtWk3AX
20Please respect copyright.PENANAhMQvS5oLWW
而是:「我會盡一切力量,守護他長大。」20Please respect copyright.PENANASQwLJCytYH
20Please respect copyright.PENANA4Sn9Ii06kx
畫面就在那裡斷了。20Please respect copyright.PENANA15GRPJropd
像是某種力量,不想讓太多人聽見這句話。20Please respect copyright.PENANANvKYHgFxLp
劉拓摸著變黑的螢幕。
那一刻他好像懂了——
20Please respect copyright.PENANA0RL5CS8fkp
那影子不是鬼,是諾言的殘骸,是死後仍不願離開的愛。
20Please respect copyright.PENANA1an4gQuno6
20Please respect copyright.PENANAcb0IAT17dj
等劉拓明白「守護他長大」那句話,20Please respect copyright.PENANA1SkrOBX5bk
是考上大學,去學校住宿的那年。20Please respect copyright.PENANAbI60eXPqKl
20Please respect copyright.PENANATCDyvewNMo
成年後,影子開始變淡了。20Please respect copyright.PENANA3dhTFcD2xP
20Please respect copyright.PENANA7hhUZyod6c
他以為自己看錯了,但接連好幾天,20Please respect copyright.PENANAEYcx1qeuw1
影子在日光下只剩下一抹氣息,像沉在水底的一縷炊煙。20Please respect copyright.PENANA3S4Lhs4faa
20Please respect copyright.PENANAWmEwzg9nOC
某天深夜,他起身去飲水機裝水,20Please respect copyright.PENANABbX8BTyCgX
經過交誼廳的鏡子時,忽然停住腳步。20Please respect copyright.PENANANVgvGG1wy1
20Please respect copyright.PENANABbFyf0rJFO
熟悉的、淡淡壓迫感的氣場,消失了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAqa9AkpF9uL
不再有誰跟在後方、不再有誰在黑夜為他站崗。20Please respect copyright.PENANAdJ1NUPKdvf
20Please respect copyright.PENANAnTcC3O4hzw
鏡中的自己,獨自一人。20Please respect copyright.PENANAAO09vJms2c
20Please respect copyright.PENANAAYqilXVFCq
影子不見了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAnptemTys5p
他在鏡前站了很久,久到眼眶泛紅,一句話都說不出來。20Please respect copyright.PENANAIK1ndbTuBd
那一晚,他做了個夢。
夢裡他還是小孩,跌坐在夜色裡。20Please respect copyright.PENANAT15Szn9Znd
影子站在他身後,一如往常,沒說話。20Please respect copyright.PENANAav59cWXCxH
只是伸出手,慢慢、緩緩地摸他的頭髮。
20Please respect copyright.PENANAVMgdOlHhso
劉拓沒有回頭,只輕聲說了句:「你走吧。我會活得很好。」
20Please respect copyright.PENANAbPAcVQxnjr
那一刻他知道——父親放心了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAkouQkuFEZV
不需要日日夜夜,替孩子把命守著。20Please respect copyright.PENANArEJFjUQCjJ
20Please respect copyright.PENANAHoOThjmzXA
他活得夠大了,夠堅強了。20Please respect copyright.PENANAp07eKxB4WV
能自己走完餘生了。20Please respect copyright.PENANA0H4NhSmjm9
20Please respect copyright.PENANAF4rHebdKQk
20Please respect copyright.PENANAAkIkgvpiZF
20Please respect copyright.PENANAQaGHXKz6Xg
後來很多年,劉拓成了一名父親。20Please respect copyright.PENANAm4pUzZyOla
20Please respect copyright.PENANA4gMcckbQmp
女兒曾問他:「爸爸,你怎麼總不怕黑?」20Please respect copyright.PENANAm78ZNXe6Ti
20Please respect copyright.PENANAXyvKszDf9B
他想了想,抱著膝蓋上的小寶貝回答:「因為我從小就知道——」20Please respect copyright.PENANABHgKjbhQ9r
20Please respect copyright.PENANAaEWwwPBfKn
「黑裡,還藏著光。」20Please respect copyright.PENANAmP2HQD7f1H
20Please respect copyright.PENANA8Dpd2cEN8V
20Please respect copyright.PENANAW7j4s6bJVb
(完)20Please respect copyright.PENANAjhWjqsAdiB
20Please respect copyright.PENANAf9MSTPwn6t
20Please respect copyright.PENANA7JTTxECY7Y
冷氣墜17樓取自台灣新聞。被從天而降的冷氣砸中。二度輾壓也取自新聞。