it hurts - I am dead

Do you understand that feeling when your heart has been shattered to a million pieces by someone you loved so much.

People be like do something or go somewhere. My question is where shall i go? to the left? where nothing is right or to the right? where nothing is left.

Once you are broken you feel like a joke to everyone like everyone would blame you and call you lazy when you are going through so much. And a time comes where you are like: I am nothing, I am just a school joke a failure. You'd think you are worthless. They would say what's wrong with you? I just wanna say like man you know what you don't know what's it like to be a worthless.. where nothing you do matters.. i feel that everyday in my life like every damn day.

I am tired, I am exhausted.

I fucking hate life...bro! I have friends but I really don't have. They pretend to be best but I am always left out. I pretend in front of my family that I have super cool friends but in real i really don't have. I HAVE NO FRIENDS. I have nobody to talk. I am so "anti-social". It is sad. I stay in my fucking room or just on phone/laptop all day.

ALL I FEEL IS PAIN because no one wants me.

My life? It helps me heal too, cry...smile... it helps me with everything. I helps me get through the pain but sometimes.. it reminds me of it. music is kinda like a person to me.. it has emotions. Just like us, humans. I wish music was a person too though. A person that i can hug.. cry on... be with all the time and have happy moments with.

Life helps with everything BUT your pain, it is still there, hiding somewhere.. You smile but you are dead inside. When that pain kicks hard you feel it. you think like: my life is over I'll be dead now.. that is when you actually die inside.

lol, isn't it funny? your mom raised you to be someone amazing but you....

every night when I cry I just say this to myself cause i don't have courage to tell my mom straight..."MOM YOU REALLY RAISED A GOOD KID...THE WORLD JUST FUCKED ME UP...I AM SORRY"

Has someone ever really hurt you? and then you see them all happy and you try to be nice.. you try to be a better person but inside you are just like you have no right to be doing so well when i am doing so fucking poorly.

THEY CUT ME TOO DEEP AND LEFT ME SCARRED!!

Is it just me or this happens to other people too like when you are having a breakdown; your family is like: you are so lazy... you don't even do anything, your school: try harder next time... oh you never get full marks, your friends: you are so annoying... you look creepy. lol but it hurts so bad.

Isn't it scary?

how happy someone can look when they are dying on the inside. uhh i miss those days when i would laugh for real and my smile used to be also real too. okok so sometimes you smile and someone close to you might be your own sibling would say what's the point for smiling? huh? don't do this pls it sucks. Then BOOOMMM you lost your smile again.

It's sad watching yourself slowly be replaced by someone else and there's nothing you can do about it. I'm tired bro. I'm hurt. it is painful... i am exhausted.

Fuck them, fuck them fuck them, fuck everyone who did this to me.... they put me through so much things i do NOT DESERVE to go through. you know what... every time i trust somebody, they show me why i shouldn't. I AM TOO YOUNG FOR THIS PAIN... JUST 16....GOING THROUGH THIS SINCE 13....I don't deserve this. I MISS THE HAPPY ME.., WHAT THE FUCK happened to me.. what if only they knew how it felt.

you know that moment when you burst into tears in your room and you realize that no one knows how unhappy you are. There's time when i am actually happy and i am not faking it, and it start to overthink and suddenly... i am back to where i started.

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