I'm sat in my dads car, driving to his work. My older sister Zosia has had a bipolar episode and has been sectioned. Finally she can get the help that she needs. 3 hours ago I was at boarding school, with the girls, getting excited for Christmas and decorating our dorm. Then I got a phone call from dad. He said he was coming to get me today, and I might be back but I might not be, so to pack everything just incase. I don't take a lot with me to boarding school, so it only took me 15 minutes to pack. Dad arrived about an hour later and I ran up and hugged him.
I used to have a very close relationship with my sister. Zosia used to be my best friend and we did everything together, we used to walk about holding hands, giggling at everything like 2 teenagers. She used to come to me when I was scared at night. She was the only one who really understood when mama died. Then we found out that my dad knew mama was dying and didn't tell us. That was a big blow but I understood why they did it, at least I got to say goodbye to Mama, which Zosia didn't. I think that's what hurt her the most. Then there was Uncle Jessie. Stupid stupid man. He was always so good with me and Zoshie when we were kids, but now he's gone and screwed her and screwed his friendship with dad as well, that's what I reckon pushed Zosia over the edge.
My sister isn't a violet person. She hasn't got a bad bone in her body, she would never intentionally hurt anybody. She's just misunderstood. She has always had very unique ways of doing things, but she always gets the right answer. Always. The last time I saw her, she scared me, and I haven't forgotten it. It was mama's anniversary, Dad made Zosia take the week off of work, because she was having metal crisis or something. I was at home from boarding school that week, and Zosia just went off one one at me, saying how it was my fault mama died, saying I always caused all the stress in our family and that she hated me. After that I threw the closest thing to me at her, which happened to be a book, ironically, it was My Sister's Keeper. She slapped me around the face and I locked myself in the bathroom until Dad got in from work to find Zosia sat against the outside of the bathroom door crying her eyes out and me sat the other side crying my eyes out. Dad wouldn't have it off me that Zosia wasn't well, but now he has had her sectioned, which can only be for the best. For everyone.
Since that day I have really missed my sister. We haven't spoken once. If she refuses to acknowledge my existence today, I don't know what it'll do to me.
We pulled up at Holby City Hospital (dads work). Dad told me to stay at the car for a few minutes and prepare myself, he left me with the keys. I knew my way around Holby City well enough to find Phsyc.
After sitting in the front seat for 5 minutes I got out of the car and locked it. I made a slow walk up to the ward and cautiously approached they person on reception.
"I'm here for Zosia.." I said quietly, unsure of what I was supposed to be saying.
"Mr Selfs daughter?" She replied, softly. I nodded in response.
"Through the big double doors, second room on the right, just knock. Your Dad & Arthur are already in there. She's much better. " She said smiling, reassuring me, picking up on my nerves.
I told myself I was being ridiculous, you shouldn't be scared of going to see you're own sister. Just get on with it girl, if your dad could see you now...
Just as that thought popped into my head, I saw Arthur. He was sat on the floor outside the door, doing something on his laptop.
"Hey you!" I smiled, standing over him. Of Zosia's long list of flat and room mates, Arthur was one I actually liked. He was a decent guy, and a bit geeky, the kind of guy I'd like to see my sister with, maybe he would be able to tame the lioness a little? Who knows?
"Hello." Arthur replied. We had a causal conversation, and then I manned up and decided if I didn't go in and see my sister now I probably never would.
Arthur opened the door and went in first, he went and sat on the floor at the head of the table, I followed a couple of seconds later. I lingered just inside the doorway, and what I saw, amazed me.
Dad and Zosia where both kneeling either side of a table, working on a 3000 piece jigsaw together. It reminded me a time of when Mama was still alive, I could only have been about 5, it was late one night and I came down stairs because I couldn't sleep, and Zosia and Dad where sat doing a jigsaw over the coffee table in the living room. Dad sent Zosia to put me back to bed, but not after she'd finished her half of the jigsaw. Coming back into the real world, I wiped a tear off of my cheek, those where old times and very unlikely to happen again, under the circumstances.
"Princess?" Zosia smiled, a genuine smile. I half smiled back, still uncertain. I was still trying to asses the situation.
Zosia stood up and slowly took a couple of paces towards me. She took a few more until she was about a metre away from me. My heart was racing. She raised her had, to stroke my face I think, but I flinched. I took a step backwards in panic and bumped into the wall. I closed my eyes tightly, telling myself off for being a wimp. Gasping, Zosia put one hand over her mouth, and I saw the tears run down her face. It was then it dawned on her how far she had pushed me away.
"Angel, I'm sorry." Zosia whispered, quietly and smoothly as if she was talking to a cat. I stood there and stared at her, unsure what to do next. No one dared breathe. This was our make or break moment.
Zosia slowly reached out her hand to me, hoping for me to take it. I watched her for a few seconds, and gingerly placed my hand in hers. She carefully placed her other hand on top of mine and gently cupped my hand in hers. She bought my hand up to her cheek and held it there. Zosia then placed our hands Palm to Palm so I had to get closer to my sister, within hugging distance.
"I will never hurt you ever again, I promise that sweetheart." Zosia whispered, I slipped my fingers in between hers, to show she had my attention and let her do the talking. I thought I could see her bottom lip wobbling, and maybe tears forming in her eyes, but I wasn't sure.
"I promised Mama I'd always look after you, and I've broken that promise. Will you forgive me?" She whispered to me, I could her her voice cracking and see the tears form in her eyes. I said nothing for a couple of seconds, then pushed Zosia's hand out of the way and I stood on my tiptoes. I pushed my lips against her forehead and kissed her.
"Sssh, you silly girl." I whispered. It's what Mama used to say to us when we where kids and we had been bad, been told off and where feeling very guilty about something. I heard Zosia let out a sob and she bowed her head so I could cuddle her.
"I forgive you." I whispered into the top of Zosia's head, kissing it gently. This time Zosia put me inside the hug. I rested my head in the creak of her neck, breathing in her sweet smell that I had missed so much. She had her arms wrapped around me tightly, and I had one hand on the other side of her neck and one arm around her waist. We stood like this for a while, before Zosia reluctantly let me go, she took my hand and led me to the spot that she had been sitting. She sat down on the floor and pulled me down into her lap. She continued doing the puzzle with one hand, and she had the other arm around me. I was curled into her like a baby, my head in her neck. Every so often she would pause the jigsaw to wrap both arms around me and pull me closer and kiss me on the head.
"I'm hungry." Dad said, it was 7 o'clock in the evening by this point.
"So am I." Zosia replied, my sister is never not hungry though to be honest.
"Me too." I chimed in. I hadn't eaten since lunch time, and I'd missed tea time.
"What about you Arthur?" I asked, it would be awesome if he stayed.
"I'm alright." He replied, this guy was way to modest.
"Sure?" I asked again, I was to much like my sister, and knew I could crack him.
"Actually I am a bit peckish but I'll get my own food." He said closing his laptop.
"Non-sense. You'll eat with us Arthur." My dad said, I was glad he said that.
"What do you fancy then Zosia?" Dad asked her. Anything but Chinese I though to myself. Anything but Chinese.
"Chinese?" Zosia suggested, I swear she could read my mind.
I pulled a face. There wasn't much I ate from the Chinese. I just didn't like it.
"Okay sure." Dad replied, what Zosia wants, Zosia gets. But on this occasion I can't say I was particularly bothered.
Dad grabbed his phone and his wallet, you couldn't get any reception in the hospital so dad was going to go and order from the front entrance and Arthur was going to help him carry it up.
"Don't forget the extra ribs!" Zosia & I both called out in unison, just as dad and Arthur reached the door. That was completely unplanned, but it made the three of us smile.
Once Arthur and Dad had gone, I sat up in Zosia's lap and turned to her.
"Don't let them take me away tonight." I whispered, sounding almost scared. I studied my sisters face, she looked a lot healthier than she did the last time we met, and she looked a lot happier. Zosia looked surprised at what I had just said.
"I won't. If you're sure you want to stay here, I won't, I promise." She whispered back to me, slowly reaching her hand out and tucking a stray piece of my fringe behind my ear.
"Thank you." I smiled and rested my head back on her shoulder. Zosia lifted her knees off the floor, bringing me closer to her, she wrapped both arms around he and kissed my head again.
"I am so sorry." She whispered to me. I didn't respond, I just nestled in closer to her, showing she was forgiven.
"It's in the past, we can't change it. But we can change the future." I eventually replied. It was true after all. I felt Zosia rest her chin on top of my head.
"I wonder what Mama would say now, if she could see us?" Zosia smiled.
"Good Girls." We both mimicked sighed, again in unison. We smiled and I reached up and kissed Zoshie on the cheek. We really where our mothers children.
"Hey, that chair looks like a good chair for cuddles, my ass is killing" I smiled, climbing off Zosia and leading her to the chair. While she was sitting down and adjusting so I could sit with her, I added a couple more pieces to the jigsaw.
I climbed in the chair with Zosia, it was a wide, slouchy arm chair, so she was half laid, half sat sideways, I sat opposite and scooted closer, so I was in between her arms and legs, facing her.
"I'm actually quite tired." I yawned. It had been a long day for me.
"So am I now you mention it." Zosia replied, following with a yawn.
"Night." I joked and closed my eyes.
"Night." She smirked back.
I opened one eye and looked up, Zosia had both eyes closed, so I guess she was quite tired after all. I dozed off a couple of minutes later.
The next thing I knew, the room was filled with the smell of Chinese, and Dad was stood at the end of the coffee table in front of us with his phone out, taking a photo of me and Zosia asleep. I prodded my sister awake, and we tucked into our tea. Dad, Zosia and Arthur shared a banquet, and I had spare ribs and egg fried rice.
Once we had finished, a nurse came around and told Zosia it was time she needed to go back to her room and go to bed.
"Okay..." Zosia reluctantly responded. She hugged Arthur quickly and thanked him, and had a long hug with Dad.
"Goodnight." She said to him.
"Goodnight, Darling." He responded, kissing her on the forehead.
Instead of saying goodnight to me, Zosia positioned herself in between me and Dad. I looked pleadingly at him.
"This isn't an appropriate place to have a sleepover Zosia, and you know that." Dad said. The disappointment on mine and Zosia's face must have made him feel guilty. Zosia took my hand.
"Girls." Dad said, he knew he wasn't going to win this, but he may as well try.
"Dad..." I trailed off, trying to do the puppy dog eyes on him.
"It's not my ward." Dad said firmly.
"It's your hospital. Every wards your ward." I replied. I heard half a snigger from Zosia, and Arthur was smiling behind Dad.
"Fine, whatever. I'll go and clear it with the night nurse, but if you want this to happen you best do your best pretending to sleep act when she comes to check. Okay?" Dad said. I swear me and Zosia literally jumped up and down on the spot.
Zosia led me to her room, it was nothing much, but she had her photos above her bed. There was a gap where I expected the one of me and her to be. I looked under her pillow and there it was.
"You've got the real one tonight." I smiled, sticking the photo to the wall.
We heard the night nurse coming down the corridor, along with Dads voice. I whacked the light switch off, and we jumped into bed and arranged ourself into a spooning position with Zosia at the back just in time.
"See, she'll be no trouble." Dad said, opening the door.
"Okay, I don't see why not, for tonight only!" The night nurse responded reluctantly.
"Night Darlings." Dad whispered, coming over and kissing us on the foreheads.
I guess after that we both fell asleep pretty much straight away, and I have to say, hospital beds are comfier than they look...
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