“Really? The entire village?” the headsman asked.
“Oh, yes. It was highly unpleasant for several seconds, but the transition from life to death can be that way sometimes,” Death said.
“I don’t think I’ve ever been on a date quite that…explosive. My worst one involved a blood moon and three pints of spoiled beer. A word of advice: when somebody seems particularly fascinated by taking your virginity—"
“—they may be a vampire?”
“Exactly!”
Death chuckled. “Yes, I’ve seen the aftermath of many a blood moon dates.”
The headsman laughed along. “That’s right, you would!”
“Indeed.”
The headsman fell quiet, staring at death with an open grin.
Death tilted their bony head. “What’s the matter?”
The headsman started. “Oh. Nothing…Hey, are you doing anything later?”
“I’m doing something all the time, frankly.”
“Oh. Then you wouldn’t be available for, say, coffee, would you?”
“I don’t have a stomach.”
The headsman’s expression fell. “Ah. Right. Then—”
“Ahem.”
Both the headsman and Death turned to face Death’s companion; a stern looking woman holding a clipboard. “Sorry to interrupt this lovely flirting but we have a schedule to keep, sir.”
“Right, of course. Sorry Jane, it’s been so long since I’ve spoken with a mortal who could actually see me. But I suppose that makes sense. I come to visit this one rather often.” Death gestured to the headsman. “If you would, please.”
The headsman nodded a little forlornly and hefted his axe onto his shoulder before walking over to the man in the stocks who had been staring at the conversation with open perplexity. When the headsman got near, he said, “The fuck are you on about, man? Who are you talking to?”
“Don’t worry about it,” the headsman said lining up his weapon to the man’s neck. “You’ll meet them soon.”
“What—”
With one heavy swing the headsman cut the man’s sentence and head off, and the instant he did Death and Jane swooped in to harvest the man’s soul before disappearing into the void between realms.
“Ooooh,” the freshly dead soul said. “I get it now.”
“Hush.” Jane made a mark on her clipboard. “Come with me. I’ve got to speak with you about afterlife employment and walk you through your onboarding.”
“My onboarding? What?”
“Will you be able to handle this on your own, Jane?” Death asked.
“I think so. Move on to the next one. We’re still behind schedule.” Jane emphatically tapped her clipboard.
“Alright, see you soon.” With a nod, Death stepped back towards the mortal plane…
…only to reappear next to the headsman. If they could have blinked with surprise, they would have.
“Hello again!” The headsman beamed. Someone new had been placed into the stockade. The blood from the headsman’s previous victim hadn’t even been cleaned. “So, like I was saying. Are you more of a music person or what?”
Death groaned. “Henry, I can’t stop working to go listen to The Bardic Bastards. I’ve got too much to do.”
“Not even for one song?”
Death paused.
“You’re busy, I can see that.” Henry raised an open palm. “But surely one song won’t hurt?”
Death tapped one finger against their thigh-bone, finally grumbling, “Jane is going to kill me. Only one. Understand?”
Henry’s smile grew to take up most of his face. “Deal! See you on Thursday?”
“Alright. Now if you would?”
Practically skipping with joy, the headsman bounced over to the prisoner and hefted his axe up. “Guess what! I’ve got a date!”
The latest prisoner stared up with a mixture of fear and confusion. “C-congratulations?”
“Thanks! See you Thursday!”
“See me—"
Henry swung with so much vigor that the prisoner’s head sailed off the podium.
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