然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpFfFMyIFvP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcitpE21b0O
/398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuEI5DWbmx7
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvgeST3fOta
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuBPZJTnfBw
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOu3BqqHZLr
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfXZ2OOf24u
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡR966PJwNPb
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8ssH2o0VD
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHKlyFm70we
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvK2BtWuUW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Z6ru5lKzV
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25qz0N69Yk
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Y5PDAjkFx
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx6uCtxMxEx
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcw5eb2DShz
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2J1DUUhdVr
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMNpVKUaRHx
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUhpIISJgK
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQxCmjhZkxB
他心情不好便會打她。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMIQNPpFqE4
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdepHrGWEug
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqV2Ggj1o3V
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp9izTtrelp
一下一下打下去。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp2Ad3qPUn8
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJdw0I4rNhp
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZR3Ghspbf
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMS1E96wCa
「我無唔聽話呀！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCZ6eu5bAxL
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT3lzBNYFV1
「仲講大話！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9REzVc5Bfn
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡquZCmzCsHJ
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLB17eud3NN
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRdBA2MY9aq
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt0XH6msYFg
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwzF9e2yG8E
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8lr1pRXba
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ29tgCcZe5q
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtnVQLc9758
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPR4aPw44f
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpruzA7BmK2
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRvaAb9Tbf9
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8PARQfCzKR
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUmXqKc5ykR
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Mycqir1yo
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrcCZKD9Jj
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ04dEa8Vz66
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIVYj894BFs
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡak0tN8IM2l
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgK3PgfBsr
/398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzcVp5sZvHP
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaSKA5rZ1FT
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNcSQGYlG1F
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGejG5yFlAS
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZhZ1T5dW1
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpIRDmeWNDg
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdcjbyrvW9K
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLMVsiu0pRj
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDdMPzKsNh
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DPld66FoG
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVndQ2szbxW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjepOW3ozg
「熊仔去咗邊？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAWfvoZbDc5
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPfPAckhre
「我抌咗。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7BGHglTvVX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4rZTrpFnTe
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Yr0gAlef9
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡngn2D8h0ff
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj0RvpU6Blc
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOs71Hyz0A
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPu0xo5KypN
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXSGOSjWjel
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdVYLVVeEEw
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3e6OhBtjbH
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4KACmkX3R2
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEgmE1Tz7gD
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXBoiFatnaF
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpefrQL6Kaf
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOcTiDiaox
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNGyuRd2hNH
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbK4VVNc7oU
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpO363AcQjR
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN22l4TGBjk
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmyxss3kJm
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjcTpULTSjp
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ01EKTeIOqq
/398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNfqExYLL5P
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoY6wv8GEK
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPAjFVIAgl
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyMk3ZN80E
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWpA4pTNcRh
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyLsXtuyxKJ
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5YMmyRKg9Z
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4reXS3cP2H
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHwANwz5ts
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyigD5zjNkf
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUhhxxOUgW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAl0b7TR88i
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF1Euq62jv5
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZNhJC6TAsJ
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMQnjAtKAAz
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlt6Te2paXT
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKDJt67Pf5E
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0q9RBtqWgM
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjmd4CBRR6B
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDpEr3XV3fz
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSkUjh48ShK
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzi8Ngsgd64
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAQtNHLZX9Y
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJT0YJvaGn7
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡunE6RHrFaK
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPlqpnGs9E
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsFAeVzFHZU
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkZ3BuccVn
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUcDhum02FR
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWtuUsoN8H3
直至父親又打家姐。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1wBhutGOSh
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRNDdibZd1
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxMf9iz2Ocv
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE8Hq2YF9wD
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiaIj5HsLmq
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXmf9KrjM4z
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvYf8lbctY
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBFZZvJfzuV
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ54ICFnNJHV
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbXWuNgvdZX
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46qywSpPO4
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuz2Ze9MBsm
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqqnqAnJgb
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBR8crj8Uwl
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHrvvFzo7D5
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzf9QG4AvGl
「我無！」家姐搖頭。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzeMQF1G1LX
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHWArlHfJol
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtM377iCmLx
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ2YVUHR16B
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMLIV6CJtO6
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDIVnNq7zhB
「多謝阿爸。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrPwKHhDlke
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg45ckMggQ6
家姐推了林蓁落地。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgnhmsGOUUf
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEvv15LOzXi
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpS8Q7PmKns
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9HjLfjk00
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO7m94yL00
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdlX894kZP4
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUb5br2wgNW
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3TN0cV8ezL
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbI8ht5Ef6j
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3M4Dk9jMij
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbI1TxsImw
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡizsJfqBhik
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs8tZmZWNUf
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3LOTsjzz21
/
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelMcuJBs6D
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUHcHrrCoOS
398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVDpVmqwGO
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。398Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIPtLIGln3v
→ Request update
and then Add to home screen.