然後，她去替人補習，如常地，五點半到達學生的家。學生是一對姊妹，輪流上課，每人一小時。七點半，她便離開，回家煮個公仔面食。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzXfNjqwFIG
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrzBMYt6pib
/395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNJWP2yM5fs
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8NXLd4W2vk
這一年來，林蓁偶然回家睡覺，偶然在外過夜。要說「偶然」，好像並不準確，最近她與周立沖交好，時時留在他宿舍，但有時，她也天天回家，畢竟宿舍不是她的家。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjw36RgGKX
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwULLo2QsYy
一家五口，她是二妹，也是二家姐，大家姐一早移居國外，弟弟則到外國讀書，家中只得她一個。以前，她忘記過自己有家姐，這幾年，快要連有弟弟也忘記。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNk54gLhQMC
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5CCBL2qTI
進門，燈火通明，林父在客廳看電視，背靠輪椅。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFB1HPVzGAy
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGjv6YAwtdw
「林蓁，攞紙巾過嚟。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBbA6ILXJ6I
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU8QbCN9NOl
他與那個口中怒吼「你跟我姓㗎！食我嘅住我嘅，我打死你都冇人知！」的父親形象已大大不同，經歷中風，身體羸弱的他一改舊日暴戾，平靜地如一般退休老人。現在，他需要倚靠女兒的照顧。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3XxdmufRE6
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGP2sMK3vXx
因此，像什麼事都沒有發生過一樣，與女兒「正常共對」。哪怕流露出一點點愧疚，林蓁也會好過一些。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo16jW7660N
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbtX8LRGwu6
她沒有刻意回憶舊事，但還是記得過往——395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaBIlAcrABN
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXnpbmXJzBn
林父最初，只會打大家姐。大家姐長得高，人又聰明，時時駁嘴。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDfMNeW4EkQ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGi2LJ7Eu8X
他心情不好便會打她。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHCpEY4FVh
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXjU00B89Ze
大家姐多數不吭一聲，直直地瞪著父親，眼睛通紅。父親最討厭她這模樣，知道她現在不說話不求饒，為著平時他說些什麼時冷靜地反駁，他抄起飯桌上的鏡子，往她的膞頭骨打下去。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcPWj5MESDp
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡET5IZnrZb8
一下一下打下去。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLXpj80ia2
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7V7RTqFx4J
「你唔聽話吖嘛？答我呀！我生你養你打死你都無問題呀！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVEUlekHu7g
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWbp7NVV1vJ
「我無唔聽話呀！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrRAPTaOyJZ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVzJ4UUCa2a
「仲講大話！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM4bLOdPb75
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNyKMmaGR2
他捉住大家姐的頭髮，髮根吃痛，她便用腳爬到父親用力的方向，他更輕鬆地把她的頭按在地上。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukaCUerfzO
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtCmMyTMHlK
打人工具不多，或是說沒有特定工具，要麼隨手拿起便敲到身上，要麼單純用手打打打㩒㩒㩒刮刮刮。他那樣即興，像一份浪漫美意。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVWxLxW3h5
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS6NKk0Ggun
彼時林蓁和弟弟跪坐在房內，隔著一段距離，看爸爸和家姐。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQGkBBRUACF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdHFk3nTIgW
「你哋兩個唔好似最大嗰件咁壞！如果唔係連你哋都打。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMMSlDsu7je
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUoTLyJcsG
小小林蓁會忍不住哭出聲來。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XirDYFPpJ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf85XTyW2Vk
她對父親恐懼，卻又覺得是家姐首先「曳」，所以才被父親打。她會出去，將攤在地上的家姐扶起，說：395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmYXzFORwq
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKydSgkTRQ
「你以後都唔好激嬲阿爸啦。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhtYMSAKRbK
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7tmT0i1VI
家姐只是拍開林蓁的手：「縮頭烏龜，唔使你可憐。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7xEoaoq2hP
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiQJJIJtThR
媽媽回家，見到屋內一片死寂，也沒提什麼，只說：「開飯啦。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMuaZrn5rgi
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7QR5UjSRd
/395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMFpavXWUPb
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsOgNbrsBuY
然後，林蓁把紙巾遞給父親，他抽出，用力呻鼻涕。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpBn1nFlfh
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYXfIgv9GND
她去煮辛辣麵，不再另以碗裝住，就這樣捧著鍋吃，坐在客廳，沒有和父親看一樣的電視內容，只是看電話。新聞新聞，姜濤，譚仔，SASA特價，清潔工權利，腦袋卻無法裝載更多。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAgV4LHf1qs
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfvsDDPqwQ9
快快吃完，她去洗鍋。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMB5c7NCXkn
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJNNyUGneP
林蓁從不會過分霸佔一個空間，即使長期留在一個地方，如家，如周立沖的宿舍，她的物件都沒有幾多。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7yrLjGESj
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx8bNF7qJXn
自小，父親便不喜歡她將玩具放出客廳，有次，她將一個小熊公仔放在沙發上，然後去廁所，出來時，便不見了小熊。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVuTXcVEeqo
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8V2U8apDnt
「熊仔去咗邊？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUvNnDBDt0K
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobAwnAopZD
「我抌咗。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZvI07vmzf
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2rZRx2Ft6W
「吓……」她小小聲，馬上到垃圾桶裡撿小熊，只見它對上有一堆橙皮、紙巾、洋蔥。倒是沒有哭，只不斷地用水沖涮小熊，又嗅了嗅，酸臭味仍然不走，加梘液，起泡刷。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡueI5xNyvSF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMk074hCAdk
當時她已很怕父親，便不敢說什麼，只環抱小熊，在他面前行過，證明她對小熊不離不棄。從此，她不再將自己的東西，放在「不屬於自己」的地方，譬如客廳、廚房。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGWFqA7KCFL
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO7aZThL9dS
她在家霸佔的位置也越來越小，開始覺得多餘。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVhCiiUBHQk
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5UmZfUErtQ
此刻，斟了一杯水後，林蓁在父親面前吃藥，他的眼神依然死死盯著電視螢幕。她根本不必避諱。她是幸運的。在避談精神病的城裡，她的親人要麼離開了，要麼對她不管不顧，誰管她的死活呢。一個人的能量有限，她不必花心神在隱藏自己的狀態之上。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4DKsqhceoF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcoIhAzQaxh
和她一屋簷下的血親，甚至不知道她幾歲、唸什麼、將來會返咩工。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5aKf4dteyy
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ZTKsXNckY
二人不會說話——反正她不會牽起話頭。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8rqGW8hkaP
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh4TW8Uj3XU
和他，不知有什麼好講。每個家庭，也是如此麼——恐怕不是，畢竟她羨慕過別人家的融洽和睦。閉上屋門，死氣沉沉，只得腳步聲來來回回拖拉。對於她現在的一切，除了煞有介事地和輔導員講之外，就沒有辦法與人道，慢慢，她的語言能力也枯萎，必要說的事以外，連組織也困難。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcGEyxr5rSA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI05xdFz8Bl
有時，她會怨恨全屋人都走光，家姐一早撇下她，母親死了，細佬又走，得她一個留在家。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH0u2BRYM1p
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrDaJo3G6H
家姐離開後，父親便找林蓁出氣，依然是拳打腳踢。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHcM20toSmh
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIpQLFFaEx
但，她從來沒有「激嬲」父親。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPRCHJZne3W
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZo0XUw9A9m
/395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNtsD3b5yiC
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsnY0u4EqT
那時，小小林蓁和家姐陷入一種莫名其妙的冷戰。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLxbQucBCBT
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEHW4su00XH
二人沒有吵架，只是，當林蓁叫家姐不要再惹父親生氣、又故作乖巧地斟水給他喝消消氣後，家姐每次見她，便沒有好臉色。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3nuFJR9ON4
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqm7sSs7xg3
作為二女兒，家庭的中間位置，平凡、不突出、不顯眼；林蓁擁有「希望所有人都喜歡自己」的渴望，否則，誰會關心她呢。家姐更聰明堅強，而弟弟是家中唯一男兒。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdLKw6yQpuD
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaO1w3DdAMi
林蓁總是溫溫和和，不吵不鬧，她一早發現自己不是可以雲淡風輕的天之驕子，也沒有勇氣離經叛道做野孩子，要得到歡心和關注，只能做好自身，微笑對人，得體應答，天真可愛，人蓄無害——她有這樣的天賦。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡggfW3530Kk
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡge1g6yyNY4
她自覺喜歡充當人與人之間的潤滑劑，或者說是，討厭別人對立，每次如此，她不知道應該支持哪方。而且，別人若是熱鬧，又有誰看見只瑟縮的她呢。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1iCBdXWrN7
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW9HZKozLLH
所以，每次家姐被父親打，林蓁也會看看家姐，問她痛不痛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpOiHPIlz9
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA4tj232UCr
「你匿埋都唔緊要，你同細佬仲細，都無辦法攔到阿爸。但點解要叫我唔好激佢？」家姐說。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0dmTnbZc37
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmshCjcayYy
「我驚你畀佢打得更加犀利。」林蓁說。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdfrjwltfB
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdQqSWcAbPj
「唔係我令到佢打我㗎！係佢自己發神經㗎！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYvMceVGSMq
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj6OsY6jCxi
「咁佢打緊你嗰陣時，向佢求饒，等佢快啲打完啦……」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4VQFCbguff
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdr1HEIKdO1
「佢又打唔死我，為咗嗰少少快啲打完，求佢？你係我個妹，咁無骨氣？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFLcVWSUOhc
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzSR7Yrhk9
林蓁不知為何，竟然哭了起來。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Waex1vaXZ
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIsUNdYKfIN
「你仲喊！又唔係你畀人打！你仲要斟水畀阿爸！喊喊喊，你喊咩呀？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKzZh172PRF
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtH2zhuEQl1
姊妹二人，一連幾日沒有說過話。起初，林蓁還厚著面皮，將自己早餐的面包及腸仔分給家姐（父親罰家姐不準食飯），但被拒絕。後來，林蓁也生氣起來，心想你不理我我也不理你，便不再主動和家姐搭話。二人其實一直也留意對方，回頭時會對視，但只有一秒，都急急移開目光。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxU2WgzUlg
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzdPq2VfK6
直至父親又打家姐。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtkHlibQg9
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3DHFVG63FU
原因並不特別，就是家姐食飯食得慢，父親生氣，便打她。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2JgA9jbWcj
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6fTzsQwB14
家姐依然沒有說話，雖然流淚但沒有出聲。林蓁依然擁著弟弟瑟縮一角，只是，下一秒，她又想到，家姐生氣可能是因為以前她沒有出來維護家人，於是，她便鼓起勇氣，衝出來：395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyv8JxmRKHA
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7telhpB3mR
「阿爸唔好再打啦！家姐知錯啦！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJk0FHI1p5K
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMtHXuCo9Yk
「佢知錯？咁佢唔講？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAoLJVM8lKs
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRflBhPeEm
「家姐真係知錯！」林蓁情不自禁地流淚起來：「你望吓！家姐喊！全面都係眼淚，佢只係唔好意思講咋嘛！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyFNyGPVlY
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHUOjACs4vB
「喊代表知錯咩？佢唔知有悔意喎！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1L99ezKeG2
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZEb1jMbYU8
「真㗎真㗎！」林蓁撒謊：「上次你話完佢，佢話你講得啱㗎！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUVJexhnChi
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyFV9mwCe77
「我無！」家姐搖頭。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVRzF8yQ69I
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAsRfjV3Cqw
「你唔好口硬啦，已經好多傷啦！」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcIsrRMUkMW
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OCIrMOPUo
「既然你哋咁講，今日就算，以後再駁嘴就打。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvvfRA4PADa
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQHttxdpK0L
「多謝阿爸。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQmYikubZ6O
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjPMMk0Ybs
家姐推了林蓁落地。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7NvFVyCnzI
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBhQ0CrLtgq
「你做咩要咁講啊？做咪屈我啊？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzlILVyFCW
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCAd9iLmnHt
「我唔想阿爸再打你咋。」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwIPXRz5JtS
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8gE8cHSMrg
「你根本唔明，我被佢打係因為曳咩？佢想無啦啦打人咋！咁啱係我。你同佢求饒？以後佢都係會打㗎！同呢啲人講對唔住做咩？」395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmlmnKPMTcD
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFnRkP2QU6T
以往家姐怎樣被父親打，眼睛紅紅，但始終沒有哭出聲來。她在內心與己戰鬥：喊出嚟就輸。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCuaNiyW7lU
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9UUOAJoaKn
但現在，家姐越說越委屈，竟然哭了。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKS2VBj2KJK
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqifkF1TGgO
小小林蓁不明白，以為為家姐好。多年後，她才知道，家姐覺得林蓁擅作主張的求饒，是一種背叛。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyVpDzEipNB
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKAxsRZ1i7x
/
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNe3gpk2OML
隨即，她去洗澡，在黑暗中淋浴，覺得一切都很靜，視覺的減退一併萎縮其他感官。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUSJwk3RkzR
395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVFYYFl8pl9
不知是否吃了藥的緣故，她比以往快入睡。395Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUzC6NhFKsD
→ Request update
and then Add to home screen.