從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdJqTWtWqzB
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmFJxWqnQC
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAnANfCxXMP
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡddHpRDgDtR
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡncJMtcgZVJ
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDsEsRaX4ZV
　　我滿意點頭。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqLetN2oEm2
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGwwSPEA0sF
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqkH8pgPmAh
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiAT8UWYt3q
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWT24Yvqrv
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXjqk5CFeR
　　「不知貴不貴？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOY1sqS9BCv
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFw02KuSPF
　　「應該還好。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Y2dLZV1Zj
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡawJRyH36mm
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8AJDWUMAxl
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtgS0YHHcx
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74toBYtjT7
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjHfnK6IC55
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxlPcfVfuD3
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqQGuJoerqe
　　我震驚了。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlZcb0SoaG0
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uU4PIJCoM
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEbTcCz2puR
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgPoRgkzWjL
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3fpD8L6Mbc
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLEJujTBJHK
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGzQjaahhYM
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP5dXwnIx7d
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHISGVLxOLV
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUNmz4VWR7J
　　What the hell?887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbOXUhYoAAs
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Wb5CRDb6v
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfI3qJ3f2C7
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡirXDGlbjDF
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHjBY5SWVj3
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoemvpdS4S7
　　嘶——887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvN8Gl6P6Db
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MHH2uwbAm
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4xBGB4qV4Z
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7UeKs7OMWh
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7pWzDQARx
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg9DiSxQcrn
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqooPJTpKyj
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyqbH6x7Kb
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUywsFT3Adp
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKiGzVJEq8
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNVYQ7Jt8H
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOCBpyTKQ8G
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlf6RERQodI
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2wgV1xCEkO
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzthhp4Cfs5
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxK4vPmqQRI
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ858jxbQHis
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRNZKwyleaS
　　然而高個子不為所動！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeBw7zryLPU
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhMx3iUkWJ
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvlNrPptDcX
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ181RNdzOU5
　　高個子依然面不改色！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiSyilloj6A
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTvbUc385wO
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1z4t0Jgg2C
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Qhr8zoOef
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbqCYxnDqHK
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI9hwSyBJW9
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA6kb5oVLgO
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1VLxrE0Fou
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuyp4USFBYC
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5eOmHGkRUp
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj2hng9Jkjz
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7TCN2WJs2
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡte0xy6axhX
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnAhGNdYpHA
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9s9LhKABLr
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPqryjcnQZt
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhVR430kzk
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJzoreYxLFu
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlYjNNC5tE
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqq7Ig2FNQF
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC3jPiyWKin
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4nFn3GiWI8
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIvOmLNkiEe
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh5uik6icQc
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8dSAhYqb2l
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhPuzWO3nUc
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGbheOmVcX
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMPCEW0IcJ
　　「但我餓了。」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIaCdk9F90G
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QX2JNefjU
　　「……」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8qdfGTeLGK
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNCuLwFs57
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq4Qsts0uro
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO4RFYgMXEZ
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6JiA49NA7
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡstUhVVSaC5
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjLzpQQz7oN
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkYZP76v36x
　　「小語……小語……」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHzehtHGqjf
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv94w18TgrG
　　Gya——887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ449tOqzuzu
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTdYOtNr0kp
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI4rtMstQDy
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH468HOTkDB
　　They are fucking gay!887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrQ44BswIqo
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWhvTaHb3nX
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtqf9C7ECts
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFGLPYEA1rA
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSdem3NZBsY
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6FA2ypZLwA
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcg7p0VbbUZ
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTkTR1mH9NE
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQh62MoMlnS
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNKibJxKEOO
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhUmQKeXCWc
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOJQXREUrdb
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrbljP1cpOH
　　887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡufogW0mVSy
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！887Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl2byDSEFYs