從屍詞歌賦談到雕生哲學 - 【同人創作】當阿飄遇上科技宅

（原作：美宅男夢工廠 by 歐巴龍）

　　我是鬼，五十年前因一時輕敵被該死的神父封印，今天終於有個智障把我放出來了。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcyJs3e4uwL
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVsfhEiPTyF
　　「啊，我不小心撞到了。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrxTaWlKysx
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXfKNSrBB7a
　　戴著眼鏡的矮個子從地上撿起斷成兩截的十字架，那十字架做工精細，將耶穌受難的神情刻得栩栩如生，偏偏斷截處又恰好在耶穌的頸子，這彷彿是褻瀆聖子的舉動，嚇得他面色一陣發白。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡseQYtKcVAl
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhngrpbAvyW
　　我滿意點頭。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzT3QJTqnkQ
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl56lnbqpIu
　　很好，這就是我要的效果，愧疚吧！顫抖吧！你們內心的恐懼都將成為我的食糧！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRIWGThU6Nx
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRpIZl3mMHz
　　一旁的高個青年放下行李，接過十字架研究了會，搖頭說：「沒辦法，賠錢吧。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjApbIB653J
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4AFgDB0xcu
　　「不知貴不貴？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNjWpJNrm2h
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY3Kcr71Som
　　「應該還好。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfkfFnLIB5x
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGsVa2XAVP
　　「不過我第一次看到飯店會在房裡放十字架耶。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL3q5erFMpP
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSKurBYiKYW
　　「我也是，也有可能是上一個房客落下的。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7N8klsxXK
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTIaAJwO1Nn
　　兩人說著，就扔下十字架，各自從包裡掏出一個15吋的加蓋四方形儀器，分別坐在桌邊和床上看了起來。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTO6QvugGOs
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS4lWVtTabz
　　我震驚了。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmUbPtk9XOh
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhjgtgijEc6
　　不對啊，你們不是該為冒犯神明一事瑟瑟發抖或心生不祥嗎？怎麼可以這麼鎮定？889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2b8zNHzH3a
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9SeZpCahYY
　　話說回來，剛這兩個人類說的是哪國語言？889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBh72kQrqie
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ456KmNx8Ax
　　「小語。」高個子捧著四方形儀器坐到矮個子身邊，「我這邊有個Design problem能幫我看一下嗎？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlkO2Q3kc6r
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7pvu0kVyAA
　　喔，總算聽到熟悉的語言，我立刻湊過去，邊在心裡計畫各種嚇人詭計，誰知我一靠近，就被那四方形儀器映射出來的畫面嚇得倒退三舍。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKubP0F5O6
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBf8sKySl5w
　　What the hell?889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRHAHEdahZW
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCFcJCwLLGG
　　那些密密麻麻的數字符號和文字是什麼東西？為何每一個拆開我都懂，合起來我就看不懂？難道又是教會新研發的鎮鬼經文？889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8skeIbtFxo
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6p5Bplx9Bp
　　幸好我躲了半天，都沒感覺到不適，才又慢慢飄過去，聽他們嘰哩呱啦摻雜一些英文詞彙的對話，什麼Project，什麼Function，If不If，還有……Parent & child？889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzPF4ClSTmP
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJUzdvatRtn
　　嘶——889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXgY3nRt4gh
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhKrfaDJpfB
　　我驚疑打量他們只要是黃種人就分不出差別和年紀的臉，開始對他們的關係感到疑惑。但不管怎麼樣，管他們是日本人還是越南人，就算是印度來的，只要是活人，這口糧我都吃定了！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq8JaRr89QS
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDBWjKq7NNq
　　陰風輕輕地吹，一隻冰涼的鬼爪胡亂往矮個子的腰窩戳。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQQ74tgdur3
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5psspkCRDo
　　「夏熠輝你幹嘛啦？很癢耶。」矮個子咯咯亂笑，捶了高個子一記。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNb1mteOagD
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTbsQFg6Dbh
　　正注視「鎮鬼經文」的高個子回過頭，投以茫然目光，「哈啊？什麼？我聽不懂。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqbtTyW8xig
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkiKxZG2UHn
　　矮個子撇了撇嘴，咕噥一句「又來！」就看回「鎮鬼經文」，「沒什麼，你看這裡……」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYp53mWuBb6
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAtUyWbGlzq
　　「嗯。」高個子應完，就順手攬住矮個子的腰，看起來像將對方抱在懷裡。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAyC4ZltER
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8bMv81rwIo
　　我也投以茫然目光，感覺哪裡怪怪的。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdCacXzR6o3
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnpMqFuGnil
　　但身為一個高端的鬼，必須不能使用重複伎倆，於是我飄到高個子身邊，俯身在他耳邊輕笑低語，「嘻嘻嘻，要不要陪我玩？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ74ftLKzggX
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGayrs5E8IO
　　然而高個子不為所動！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2ZXuOHDfF7
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaEEuf3SpN7
　　我不死心，再說：「我的腳……你把我的腳藏到哪了？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs7Gxv6VYGL
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFnDqU4vSi
　　高個子依然面不改色！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhLW1jUMP0v
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwpSNumVmL7
　　我大怒，直接用吼的，「你死定了！我要殺了你！殺殺殺！」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVCiVHzE4Qm
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfV5pNT2B5y
　　這次高個子終於有動作了。他皺眉掏了掏耳朵，取出一個小巧的儀器擦一擦再戴回去。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHyuHRrzCj
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYv1xGYuNQh
　　這一刻，我吐血，如果鬼還有血的話。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8VRmQbw9Yz
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡODPbqPlqqJ
　　矮個子比手畫腳地問：「怎麼了？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuxC7wt3DSi
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡntWgea6dW5
　　高個子搖搖頭，「助聽器有點雜音，大概之前下雨淋到了。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX3fDyoqL9g
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPKGoME3iNr
　　馬的！原來這傢伙是個聾子！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuReFv0Lt9j
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUQjtorhstG
　　受到打擊的我窩回角落自閉，直到那兩人蓋上四方形儀器，起身從行李掏出衣物，一前一後地進了浴室，我才精神一振。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCva4u1cycF
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuwY37RyJkz
　　方才一定是因為「鎮鬼經文」的關係，才讓我出師不利，現在就應該趁他們不在，先把那可疑的四方形儀器毀掉。於是我磨拳擦掌地飄到桌前，準備用最狠厲殘暴的手段摧毀敵人時，就赫然驚見四方形儀器上頭壓著一袋綠色包裝物，那包裝物上頭還印著一個露出兩顆門牙的小傢伙笑容燦爛，這殺傷力不大，但污辱性極強！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgy91KOQrTo
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtFZGg1L5wB
　　這時，浴室傳來我聽不懂的對話。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡku0DyJRm63
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfnaesIOrG0
　　「為什麼要擺那包零食？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRUE8PAFjTj
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgvl9x3SOU
　　「那是我們台灣的電腦保護神，只要有綠乖乖，所有電子設備都一定會乖乖運作。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcuq5QLj97Q
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY7H3UambL
　　「所以不能吃嗎？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5MvK4nSOMv
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFZblzwC6fh
　　「不能，吃了就沒用了。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9qOVlNh4Qm
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYF3NXB5dX2
　　「但我餓了。」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ95A64S7XZ
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXHASNSN1Os
　　「……」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYReooTI39g
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVSJULms0OU
　　此時此刻的我已被怒火佔據理智，絲毫沒意識到哪裡不對勁，只一心想給這兩個該死的人類好看，便動用所有力量顯現身影，以最猙獰駭人的面貌衝進浴室，並開始期待人類被嚇得屁滾尿流的畫面。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1KZ7NeQCS
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXRdbf40Lr0
　　哇哈哈哈，驚嚇吧！恐懼吧！人……889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO1qGqYtt03
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrH8MVFJO7R
　　「啊……夏熠輝……那裡不、不行……」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHgtNf0hcwm
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxvEbXik6aq
　　「小語……小語……」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVOZqCO3wgY
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjy4q5NaZQP
　　Gya——889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUB0iCatmct
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxmosjEHJq0
　　我發出了比曾被我嚇暈的人類還要驚恐的慘叫。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡre3AQeF8pp
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdRCXchEFFL
　　They are fucking gay!889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhm8w8xGuW
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhuotfc8BgE
　　這如同撒旦一般邪惡的存在，徹底嚇破我的小心靈，讓我一秒縮回十字架，還很自覺地將耶穌的頸子接回來。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG2Og1xVFjn
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXU81OW9jm
　　Oh no！No！No！No！No！Hell no！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Seomlf9vN
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV635riSh7b
　　五十年過去，沒想到人間已經變成撒旦的天下，上帝你這不爭氣的傢伙啊！我看我還是繼續沉眠吧。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpXjr3ydvU7
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbmSfJ7W7Wv
　　浴室裡，秋推了下將自己壓在牆邊的人，沒戴眼鏡的雙眼一片朦朧，「等、等一下，你剛有沒有聽見什麼？」889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHaNXpFRfF
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkDSYsdT82q
　　「嗯？什麼？」夏抱緊懷裡的腰持續衝刺，臉上的神情既迷離又色情，顯然是又聽不見。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ916Go8lAxJ
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnQeymjlAXC
　　秋瞇了瞇眼，心想算了，就夾緊雙腿，繼續在夏的律動下扯著喉嚨嗯嗯啊啊。889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡICn928mtsG
　　889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaXlJ8y7uM0
　　Treat or trick，不給糖，就「搗」蛋！889Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaBxmwTyww