Little Timmy Tutwiler loved to swear. The first word uttered from between his filthy gums at eleven months old was nothing bonding—it was “&$!#%!” after he fell and cracked his noggin on the coffee table. Mama and Dada came next, after a lot of &$!#%ing bribery.
After that, it seemed like every other word vibrating through his larynx was one that needed soap and water. Some said he swore like an angel; others likened him more to a politician caught on tape.
Tim graduated &$!#%ing high school, got a &$!#%ing nine-to-fiver, and worked like a &$!#%ing dog for &$!#%ing 43 &$!#%ing years. He &$!#%ing died at age &$!#%ing 96. His last word, like his first, was &$!#%!, and thus began his &$!#%ing afterlife.
God, judge and jury, evoked a thousand-year punishment for every cuss word Timothy Tutwiler ever uttered in his earthly life. He will be sitting in a corner of heaven for a very long time-out period.
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