/story/157655/文筆練習/issue/6
文筆練習 - 贅字刪除&修改練習 | Penana
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文筆練習
Author:
羽璇
文筆練習
Author:
羽璇
ISSUE #6
贅字刪除&修改練習
No Plagiarism!JP0l7JHDvKoqCwFmm8Qvposted on PENANA 編輯老師:Chatgpt8964 copyright protection124PENANA1YTqZfpJvS 維尼
一.原句練習題 :8964 copyright protection124PENANAqiLCqXTkng 維尼
她的臉上露出了一抹微笑,嘴角微微揚起,眼睛也跟著彎了起來,看起來非常開心快樂。8964 copyright protection124PENANAyb1yqL79wo 維尼
我:128Please respect copyright.PENANA2AiaXYpKax
8964 copyright protection124PENANATj9saoJhOq 維尼
她嘴角輕揚,眉眼彎彎,神色顯得異常愉悅。128Please respect copyright.PENANALvWPqCkvlZ
8964 copyright protection124PENANADYWRakSil1 維尼
◎還能優化的點:8964 copyright protection124PENANALC386ST1HP 維尼
「嘴角輕揚」、「眉眼彎彎」、「神色愉悅」,三者都在描寫開心的神情,略有重疊。可依風格選擇保留兩項即可。8964 copyright protection124PENANAx6fZhkFGHo 維尼
**「異常愉悅」**語氣稍正式,若想走柔和路線可以替換成「滿是喜色」、「帶著歡意」之類的詞。8964 copyright protection124PENANAfGpTWD1Qk3 維尼
AI老師改寫範例:8964 copyright protection124PENANAbfXTzItepH 維尼
範例一(簡約柔和):128Please respect copyright.PENANA1FDqWYCByC
她嘴角微揚,眉眼間滿是喜色。8964 copyright protection124PENANAXiYUGyFgs7 維尼
範例二(偏古風詩意):128Please respect copyright.PENANA2AHXZwgNkb
她一笑,眉眼彎彎,神情恬然喜悅。8964 copyright protection124PENANAYu2DWj8R7P 維尼
範例三(保留你原本的語感,小調整):128Please respect copyright.PENANA0L2QS6gWyM
她嘴角輕揚,眉眼彎彎,整個人透著歡喜。8964 copyright protection124PENANA9vTvFjnCV0 維尼
二.原句練習題:8964 copyright protection124PENANAhyqo4aUrbW 維尼
凌晏如站在窗邊,靜靜地站著,什麼話也沒說,只是默默地望著窗外的天空和雲朵。128Please respect copyright.PENANAFQ2jTZWMXE
8964 copyright protection124PENANAhIQ2vJjEPV 維尼
我:8964 copyright protection124PENANA2XHoJ452Cv 維尼
凌晏如神色沈靜如水,只是靜默地望著窗外冰冷皎潔的月光。128Please respect copyright.PENANANqichXCtK8
8964 copyright protection124PENANAbSvCkbwHo0 維尼
◎可以優化的細節:8964 copyright protection124PENANAlr8UngXsWL 維尼
**「神色沈靜如水」**語意完整,形容恰當,可保留。8964 copyright protection124PENANAeK7Ngaw5mD 維尼
**「靜默地望著」**與「神色沈靜」語義有些重疊,且「靜默」與「望」常連用,可簡化。8964 copyright protection124PENANAMmTzbQ8aoy 維尼
**「冰冷皎潔的月光」**畫面有,但「冰冷」與「皎潔」在語氣上可能稍有衝突:一個是觸感(冷),一個是視覺(潔白明亮),可以選其一或換句話更貼情境。8964 copyright protection124PENANA5nuOe5LkUl 維尼
AI老師改寫範例:8964 copyright protection124PENANAq7fabcnvrn 維尼
範例一(簡潔內斂):128Please respect copyright.PENANA6QwZxUjBfX
凌晏如神色沈靜如水,凝望著窗外的月光。8964 copyright protection124PENANAyXcd4EsUqd 維尼
範例二(詩意版):128Please respect copyright.PENANAvepwUz0D3P
凌晏如神情澄靜,望向窗外皎潔如霜的月色。8964 copyright protection124PENANAMETWEaVakx 維尼
範例三(保留冷感):128Please respect copyright.PENANAeqhCBX3Xnp
凌晏如神色如水,靜靜凝視著窗外冰冷的月光。8964 copyright protection124PENANAOpTbNNvnQk 維尼
範例四(古風柔化版):128Please respect copyright.PENANAePrhS5eMtH
凌晏如眉目寧靜,望著窗外清冷如霜的月華。8964 copyright protection124PENANAKhQQom5xfV 維尼
感想:8964 copyright protection124PENANA1TKsvg8ssK 維尼
需待持續練習~若之後有練習會再分享幾篇我與AI練習的紀錄128Please respect copyright.PENANAlwIV6tlQnT
擇選不錯的!8964 copyright protection124PENANAFUHOBMz1X2 維尼
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