/story/157655/文筆練習/issue/6
文筆練習 - 贅字刪除&修改練習 | Penana
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文筆練習
Author:
羽璇
文筆練習
Author:
羽璇
ISSUE #6
贅字刪除&修改練習
No Plagiarism!yXlxbzRmWTTPd7UfV4tYposted on PENANA 編輯老師:Chatgpt8964 copyright protection125PENANAe5VLpFzHzu 維尼
一.原句練習題 :8964 copyright protection125PENANAQLj6rvKmXz 維尼
她的臉上露出了一抹微笑,嘴角微微揚起,眼睛也跟著彎了起來,看起來非常開心快樂。8964 copyright protection125PENANAsyb7BKG0w7 維尼
我:129Please respect copyright.PENANAVJojUGQ4lV
8964 copyright protection125PENANAUMs8yaCJDJ 維尼
她嘴角輕揚,眉眼彎彎,神色顯得異常愉悅。129Please respect copyright.PENANAwkDQilVpYJ
8964 copyright protection125PENANAyONiXa4ZIv 維尼
◎還能優化的點:8964 copyright protection125PENANAF7Oi5kHzvH 維尼
「嘴角輕揚」、「眉眼彎彎」、「神色愉悅」,三者都在描寫開心的神情,略有重疊。可依風格選擇保留兩項即可。8964 copyright protection125PENANA84yM3zUM8c 維尼
**「異常愉悅」**語氣稍正式,若想走柔和路線可以替換成「滿是喜色」、「帶著歡意」之類的詞。8964 copyright protection125PENANAGfDzUgqMg9 維尼
AI老師改寫範例:8964 copyright protection125PENANAzrCWLXM5MY 維尼
範例一(簡約柔和):129Please respect copyright.PENANAOUUaNdq93k
她嘴角微揚,眉眼間滿是喜色。8964 copyright protection125PENANAY9iKouqqyX 維尼
範例二(偏古風詩意):129Please respect copyright.PENANAvA2Yrs5n8C
她一笑,眉眼彎彎,神情恬然喜悅。8964 copyright protection125PENANARiuZXyNkVo 維尼
範例三(保留你原本的語感,小調整):129Please respect copyright.PENANARttZS7n5g3
她嘴角輕揚,眉眼彎彎,整個人透著歡喜。8964 copyright protection125PENANAIgixQa5Ppe 維尼
二.原句練習題:8964 copyright protection125PENANADOKAzhiI3j 維尼
凌晏如站在窗邊,靜靜地站著,什麼話也沒說,只是默默地望著窗外的天空和雲朵。129Please respect copyright.PENANADFSVxWmmJf
8964 copyright protection125PENANAsl8wnvPN38 維尼
我:8964 copyright protection125PENANAyoXb9DbYf4 維尼
凌晏如神色沈靜如水,只是靜默地望著窗外冰冷皎潔的月光。129Please respect copyright.PENANAfbAuTFGntm
8964 copyright protection125PENANAqT6ypjGNJX 維尼
◎可以優化的細節:8964 copyright protection125PENANAGZV8r4ao9c 維尼
**「神色沈靜如水」**語意完整,形容恰當,可保留。8964 copyright protection125PENANAef23qJujGf 維尼
**「靜默地望著」**與「神色沈靜」語義有些重疊,且「靜默」與「望」常連用,可簡化。8964 copyright protection125PENANA7S5qYNCwSx 維尼
**「冰冷皎潔的月光」**畫面有,但「冰冷」與「皎潔」在語氣上可能稍有衝突:一個是觸感(冷),一個是視覺(潔白明亮),可以選其一或換句話更貼情境。8964 copyright protection125PENANANnVwF5dDMw 維尼
AI老師改寫範例:8964 copyright protection125PENANAY6PRs27uK7 維尼
範例一(簡潔內斂):129Please respect copyright.PENANAyjSCE2yurZ
凌晏如神色沈靜如水,凝望著窗外的月光。8964 copyright protection125PENANAKhxupzig7j 維尼
範例二(詩意版):129Please respect copyright.PENANAWGN99k6UPY
凌晏如神情澄靜,望向窗外皎潔如霜的月色。8964 copyright protection125PENANAUYphDIX88n 維尼
範例三(保留冷感):129Please respect copyright.PENANADr6xs45yuK
凌晏如神色如水,靜靜凝視著窗外冰冷的月光。8964 copyright protection125PENANAMur29f7yx8 維尼
範例四(古風柔化版):129Please respect copyright.PENANATCfCTHe74a
凌晏如眉目寧靜,望著窗外清冷如霜的月華。8964 copyright protection125PENANAantGRKjZJM 維尼
感想:8964 copyright protection125PENANAXleItslrwN 維尼
需待持續練習~若之後有練習會再分享幾篇我與AI練習的紀錄129Please respect copyright.PENANAWu1qhb3F8Q
擇選不錯的!8964 copyright protection125PENANApo5CRhPjSs 維尼
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