[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpKmwXnfSkF
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs0QzRzMZTC
ROXIE:476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ0U51l1XNp
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdPoakX6sKf
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡomNt78LtrL
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡALVFaVUzOm
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0gcREBoPee
That's true enough I suppose. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtispLDSOuD
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡByExVewE4A
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ98cLFPEZcP
Pause.476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn2kTm3b21B
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7yOvAzR5OW
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But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8SwLI4Jvg4
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XiZ2nXTJg
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡClQy4RpY18
Pause.476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhp00xoZeTQ
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAbezA07Rsx
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡj8bFxuThcR
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0HwE3jaFoq
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlDlIEbHMuC
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkeptjK5ipw
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlwaR32agd5
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0yediRuRcb
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmL3GGc9Yyx
Pause.476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OdPBsssDh
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsUCPEkOWgw
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFeWzRuaC9O
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzB8vdIxXLR
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgFsx7KDtvb
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOvOlUlSBX3
Pause. 476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmsZvKTVAar
[Darkness.]476Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0IqFLHO4HY
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