[Darkness.]
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[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdsVBKzYJ5E
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ROXIE:326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIjZxCslY49
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvJtd80vI17
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwEqBXhfVLE
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But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBr7E0ctk8
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZdNvrefcB
That's true enough I suppose. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTHjla1LF3H
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEBrEzm3lHk
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8vLutHkEIl
Pause.326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG8u3wgViFU
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡemvAltUHL6
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK9UMBUww17
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFg3xoJBp5y
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But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThtBUCRgMC
Pause.326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqBA7RGT9Wk
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWB9nPu3wFD
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMDOzvEwFdo
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0jCvi67Yow
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡesl3etnqyT
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHMUKLLHko
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhm8OQGnqCu
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Or would it be a super-heroine? 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOn1ZXq1z8n
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I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKjkuzyXo6
Pause.326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡV3KWmUGI8g
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCXgTCZ3AoV
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa5oPYXllGq
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡREXTuFXy4G
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHRFIU52Mp6
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡebaUWccNSy
Pause. 326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB9Hq0moihU
[Darkness.]326Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYsJSVFqm4O
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