[Darkness.]
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKFtYmbTms
[Brightness. White hospital light. A generic student accommodation. ROXIE sits at the generic table in the corner of a generic kitchen. She is listless.]478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡexTq2LwcYQ
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIkm7gor7FT
ROXIE:478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡitsKu2A0wE
I am new here. Hallo. My name is Roxie. I only came out a few months ago so maybe I should also say that my name before was Rian. My dad is a counsellor and he says that I should tell people what my old name was so that they can know me better.
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5rFJPXrcwi
But I bet that's bullshit. Anyway. Here I am. Here is me. There are three stools in this kitchen for the three of us who will live in this apartment here. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHSI80xQNTZ
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3tTnInUq8s
But none others have yet arrived so, yeah, just, me. But that's okay. I can be my own best entertainer. The girlie I met in the train told me that if my family don't support me, then I must leave them and the friends I make here will become my new family. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYzcWllu9Ei
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDN635ZrEY7
That's true enough I suppose. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgebyciAC2x
[ROXIE stands up from the table and walks over to the kitchen window and stares out of it to the other blank, generic accommodations across the road. She is, again, listless to the most extreme.]
ROXIE:
This isn't who I thought I would turn out to be...
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlfOuVg71GW
But who do I talk to? Why speak aloud?478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Hav6NmZiD
Pause.478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡURoI1Zfpkp
But of course I know why. I do. I do. I do. The longer that the echo between speech lasts the more I am forced to sit and listen. So I must get it all out. Every bit of it, however ugly. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡq5MDabCm2V
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrGDJHOA7mT
But it's still hard, you know? Just because my dad's a psychotherapist and I understand what I am to do, it doesn't make it any easier. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡII2Yc7eVct
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHXESY8eJPE
But I will try. Because, frankly, what else is there to do?478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyxSyP8Gwz
Pause.478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW4scjlNisS
I started watching porn videos when I was twelve years old. Was it then or when I don't know that I became an addict. When did it switch from a once to a constant. It was an echo-chamber of madness and dark intentions. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeNGt8TjjIy
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwQh6JiXWd5
Sometimes I wonder if my own mental state now is a result of that. I wonder if I'm all wrong. I wonder if this is normal, to be doubting your own existence. I wonder if this is all just an after effect of my own upbringing. I wonder a lot of things.
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNVsqyXZm48
Because, perhaps, yeah, perhaps I am real. And I am me. And perhaps I can trust my head and perhaps I can safely say, Yes. I am me. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYzbFjKyDd
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIn47pdpZGN
But I can't just make all of those other thoughts go away at once. How could I? I'm not a superhero...478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytopuv3ERE
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9Ma3YbV6v
Or would it be a super-heroine? 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNQCNx1TPKl
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXF74ozehq0
I'm kind of comfortable with all the really awful feminine stereotypes. Dumb blondes, bimbos, damsels and dames. It doesn't really bother me. If anything, it makes me feel better that I might not over act. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJoGfQqNX5X
Pause.478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg8WBidIBtQ
"Act" It isn't acting as a woman. I am a woman and I am me and I know I must be. What I meant was when I am in public and trying to pass as cis. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6nymiKM6qF
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxb1uJrJLge
[During this pause, ROXIE turns away from the window and makes her way over to the fridge. It is dull and generic. She goes to open it, stops herself, and then opens it.]478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMokfw9VRhi
ROXIE:
But the night will soon be over, thank God. And I will soon lose consciousness. I will soon lose all ability to think and overthink about all my shortcomings and long stretches alone. I look forward to sleep. I look forward to when everything is set in stone, when it's all black and white, when I'm no longer an addict, when I don't get hungover and have a license and can stay within my waist goals and everything is perfect. But until then. I must sleep.
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnizaJ9pZqE
[During the pause, ROXIE gradually sinks down onto floor and curls into a ball.]478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOIIQP1lVk4
Pause. 478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzpaxgwDoLd
[Darkness.]478Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tzuj8xGxJ
→ Request update
and then Add to home screen.