【校園/日常】杏壇中學眾生相 - [1-1]天才是專業小丑

開學以來過了⼀個星期，班群中各種事的討論熱度絲毫不減。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN4hch5G3Tc
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甚至，每天會出現過千條的信息。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ENZSVWKCo
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＋5578 XXXX：數學功課做到哪519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG7z3FTYbx0
＋6678 XXXX：［狂丟貼圖］519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvdJu3wFG4F
＋6881 XXXX 移除了＋6678 XXXX519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwdqPvVwC4H
＋6881 XXXX：好吵喔519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzNAQdn6KXA
＋5578 XXXX：沒人回我哦（攤⼿519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYbfDG9btTB
＋5937 XXXX：@＋6323 XXXX 你⽤IE？519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi6FohTKTw4
＋5937 XXXX：【讓眾⽣下跪的王者魅⼒！「路西法」7⽉1⽇獸神化解禁】519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzqTXlasTzT
＋6881 XXXX 新增了＋6678 XXXX519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTEwAgKxd1
＋6897 XXXX：你們不要再打了519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsJ2SAoVFdM
＋6881 XXXX 已將群組名稱從「1A班怪勿彈珠同好會」改成「1A（禁⽌洗版）」＋6323 XXXX：其實我開始覺得應該要開discard group519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF5LHGcupcP
＋6897 XXXX：要打就去練舞室打519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgQbnHITaeL
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在這段時間內，班級內漸漸出現了幾個團體。最主要有以羅晨西為⾸的男⼦組，以及以Queenie為⾸的⼥⼦組，兩個⼩組間相處融洽，班內氣氛表面和諧。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKTtHgnQqbE
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但因為班內氣氛和諧，同學們在⼤部分的課堂上都會製造出⼤量譟⾳，唯獨上孫⽼師的課時才會安靜，畢竟孫⽼師的罵⼈次數之多甚至引來同學對此進行統計。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnTocmENjlp
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「根據統計，⾄今為⽌班內有8⼈（佔全班同學的25%）被孫⽼師進⾏過思想教導，當中7⼈（佔整體87.5%）是因為沒帶上課⽤品或是通告，剩下的那1個⼈則是開學第⼀天就遲到。現時因罵⼈⽽損失的教學時間⼤約為33分鐘，佔總上課時間的13.4%，我希望這個數字未來可以呈下降趨勢。」——摘錄⾃該報告

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「這裹⼤家有沒有發現？2加3是5，3加上5是8，接下來⋯⋯」任教數學的陳⽼師，也就是「陳伯」的⼿上拿著紅⾊圓珠筆，在筆記本上留下⼀個⼜⼀個的箭頭。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3hsTJfOP5U
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這一切都透過投影屏幕顯⽰給學⽣。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyKtMMznEB
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「叮、噹、叮、噹——叮、噹、叮、噹——」下課鈴再⼀次地響起。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWYDA4YjKhY
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「我不浪費⼤家⼩息時間了，起⽴，各位同學再⾒。」陳⽼師雖然因外貌⽼成被學⽣稱為陳伯，但是平常對學⽣挺好的。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmbcfMVAjKe
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「陳⽼師再⾒！」知道可以準時⼩息，學⽣的敬禮也有⼒了幾分。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgdC8qG0UUd
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羅晨西看著陳伯離開的背影，食指摸了摸下巴。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ71drGRwHHx
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這個陳伯，目前還挺正常的啊，很破格嗎？難道迎新日學長說的話有錯？519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0rrYqjZg2v
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小息時間開始，班房內馬上亂作一團。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVxBWUTlpPF
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有兩個⼈直接用筆袋在教室內玩起傳接球來，正好把封思諭⼿上的歷史課本被⾶來的筆袋打歪了。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpf9GMPfcQW
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「ADHD出門左轉社工室。」封思諭看似平靜地留下這句話，黑著臉地離開教室，不知道到哪裡去了。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLe70DT0t6q
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「主席，行動開始？」⼀位男同學主動走近了羅晨西，低聲說著。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGr4Pe2OLOi
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「『天才』，跟我來。」羅晨西揚了揚手，暗示行動開始。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr75F3MwZcU
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看到信號，幾個人從各自的位置冒出跟上他。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLOZlDewMN3
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接下來他們要做的事，和這間學校純樸的校風並不相稱。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlIA2PxX8Vo
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現在，幾個人正鬼祟地摸進⼀樓男廁。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIDjDTvoHi
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「君子，守住門口。」「天才」指揮著，聲線中透出一絲不正經。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNUSrPKgX1X
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他留下林正君在門口，和其他人一起跟著羅晨西走進男廁內部。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡi7kTJY3i4k
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「唉。」林正君似乎有點不情不願。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlC3r5LZ6bW
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羅晨西拿出手機，撥向了事先存好的外賣電話，再打開免提功能。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCO2Cg7NKlU
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要說為甚麼事情會變成這樣，還得從昨天說起。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡThwqQ2AgV5
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任教1A班歷史科，被天才叫作『遲放之⿁』的史sir，昨天硬是延遲了⼗五分鐘才肯下課。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr6COCXYU4V
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⼗五分鐘，可以⾜夠杏壇中學附近所有餐廳由冷清變成爆滿狀態。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxLJIFKEcat
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當錯失⿈⾦⼗五分鐘的羅晨西等⼈看⾒即使是連⿆O勞中，外帶⾷物的隊伍⼈⿓也排出店外時，他們就只能到⼩賣部買炒麵充飢。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdUsUtXEcJG
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為免悲劇重演，羅晨西召集了好幾位班上的同學加入這次行動。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgxYwMD7l2g
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「喂，這是杏壇中學，要四個和風牛肉飯，兩個豚骨拉麵，兩杯凍檸水，四杯凍奶茶。能麻煩十二點四十分送來嗎？」羅晨西開著免提，手機瞟著群組，利落點單。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdd8dBlscFA
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這時，一陣電玩音效突然響起。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolQ3s1RtmI
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「機神，不要開聲玩怪勿彈珠⋯⋯」天才鄙視地看著音源方向說。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjohWGWOW3X
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「意外。」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYT2yoDv9cY
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⾃開學以來，這位天才兒童幫不同人取花名的速度真不是一般的快。他的傑作包括但不限於羅晨西的「主席」和林正君的「君⼦」。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡswtPwNjmTw
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被叫作天才的這位同學膚色是健康的麥色，說話的時候不時環視著圍著他的同學，唇邊總是帶著明顯的笑意，彷彿想引導其他人被自己的發言逗笑。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjny9hnj95w
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典型的氣氛組。羅晨西在第一天已經為這個人定性。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTJVOIs5TYB
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「是，就是這麼多沒有錯。另外我想問⼀下你們是會送過來學校正⾨是吧？」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ935b6nSi3j
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「好的，沒有問題，再⾒。」他掛斷了電話，⻑舒了⼀⼝氣。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUFBfXrp3pr
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羅晨西回頭看著眾⼈，⽰意問題已經解決。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPO1OyVpsbe
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「班會主席英明！」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7lRuDpiPBq
「我們以後就不⽤擔⼼吃不到午餐了！」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEpuurUoeCq
「如今的我們，即使是⾯對『遲放之⿁』也絲毫不懼！」

眾人笑鬧著附和。

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天才突然拋出⼀個問題：「我們不⽤幫Queenie她們叫嗎？」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMox5Vuk9eK
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「其實Discard 的⽤途是⽤來溝通的，不是⽤來刷bot 經驗的。你沒看到Queenie她們已經有在Discard回過了嗎？」有同學在⽴刻回應他的同時，還不忘偷損⼀下對方在群組的屁孩舉動。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡs3uk5nx5yS
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「錯了，我也是被迫的！你們沒有聽過⼀句話叫『如果故事中出現了⼀把槍，那麼它就應該被發射』嗎？」他開始手忙腳亂地解釋。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9nLr9xKj2t
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羅晨西腦袋轉了一圈，還是不知道這位「天才」想說甚麼。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC5nvoMfjzq
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天才兒童？我看是專業小丑。完全不知所云。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0xjJwBLohY
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「那個bot既然有等級功能，那我們就要活⽤它。只有在群組發送信息，我們才能升級，想要快速升級，就唯有瘋狂發送信息。」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEISSqBcqEz
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「如果不是我另外開了⼀個刷經驗頻道，我懷疑現在我們discard 群組已經變成第⼆個班群了。」想到班群的亂象，羅晨西也⼀陣後怕。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXrSBfuaMs0
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「我的洗版是有⽬的性的洗版，和班群中那些沒有意義，為洗版⽽洗版的⾏為完全不同。」天才繼續在發表著他的偉論。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1YZQjK2vyA
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說著說著他突然激動起來，右手握成拳頭放在胸前看著其他人，語氣堅定得像是在述說自己的人生信條一樣：「大家有沒有想過，我們經歷的日常，或者在將來的某刻會成為伏筆，這就是契柯夫之槍的真諦啊！」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbRnzaSvpak
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「你說是就是吧。」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjOQpXcXYuq
「你的思路也太跳脫了吧。」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85C0Lz6beF
「你去加⼊杏壇辯論隊吧，它們需要你這樣的『⼈才』。」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00cfKgTDtZ
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「正所謂『天才總是被誤解的』，強如梵高也是在死後才成名⋯⋯」519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoxnaa4rk1M
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被叫作天才的他似乎還想說些甚麼，但眾人早已離開。519Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLAza1qT5Le