the way i feel

as you are, not what i want you to be

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCEoDujM6x3

What I love about you isn’t solely based on the perception or impression you give me or the rest of the world.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5P6Hfctr5Y

What I love about you are all the reasons why you don’t believe I can love you or that anyone should love you to the depths that I do.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEFlgk9bHco

Your strengths and grace in what you know and are may make you beautiful, but your weaknesses and insecurities make you perfect for me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoVP30FuQvQ

When I look into your eyes, I see what other men choose not to see. I accept what other men can’t or won’t accept. Choosing to love you will be the easiest thing I’ll ever do, but losing you will be the hardest feat I’d have to overcome.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGqLGkLM0cg

I can’t promise in the future, I won’t harm you. I can’t promise that I’ll always be the perfect man.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMyYKmIJLAu

What I can promise is to learn from my mistakes, to have patience with you even when I don’t have patience with myself and to trust you with every fiber of my being. We may live to grow old together, we may not.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQfprHsZyJX

No matter when, no matter what time we have now I’ve come to realize the paradox I find myself in: It will always be enough and it will never be enough; I will always be blessed as I will always be cursed.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKGeMM89eqK
Every day that passes makes me joyful because I’m free of the delusion that someone couldn’t love me, when I’m with you I don’t have to hide who I truly am, who I’ve forgotten I could be.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8xnADHTmx

Every day that passes makes me miserable because I know I have fewer days with you than I’d like. If I could have one wish, it would be to go back in time and relive all the moments we’ve shared.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9eCOgTXpEu

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly because none of the great memories would have ever existed without our struggles. The pain has helped us love harder, appreciate the time we have, and give us the patience to love each other in all our forms.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMdlj9fdDPL

I vow to love you as you are and not stand in the way of who you want to be. I love you, and I vow to love you for the rest of my life, regardless of where this journey takes us.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHBmHLEm8fn

For you, I would do anything and everything, all you have to do is ask.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkSGhOMC0GN

Solo

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0ky1ZYCBn2

I have never been much of a talker, I’m comfortable with blending in the background and letting the rest have their fun.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdzib0l1vB3

It's hard enough for me to focus and get outside of my head, so being in the present or having a conversation is truly difficult and sometimes feels like an impossible task.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYJ0yHTUPst

Don’t get me wrong, when I speak and join in, it's fulfilling and people tend to be fond of me, but that doesn’t make it any easier to partake in any social environment.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8slCGyYJjH

I thrive in isolation, especially when I get my hands on a project dealing with creativity or using my imagination whether it is to create music, write, digital art, or an invention for random issues that I am ill-equipped to bring to fruition outside of the digital realm and into reality.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiZw0FzxSVp

If I’m not in a constant state of flow, I don’t feel any purpose and shortly begin to lose interest in anything at hand that doesn’t seem productive.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNItuobNiU

What doesn’t help is that none of my creations have any substance outside of my laptop, it's so much easier to create, save, and then return to it later without committing to more.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwytt4FNQk0

All I am is committed to fantasizing about what I feel would make my life better; falling in love with the random girl who stares at me from across the room, waiting for her to smile at me so I can approach while thinking of a hundred different conversations we could have and the best way for me to make a good impression.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhEbFaSrNV

I think about a life with this person; how our worlds would collide and we’d both be better off for it until finances get in the way, my living situation being back home with my parents, my sobriety which will always mean I’m an addict whether I am sober or not.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡki34HJuk7b

In minutes I think of everything that could go right, and then everything that could go wrong. I’ve always been in love with falling in love.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tt7yvyjdq

It's beautiful because love encompasses everything, there’s pain, sorrow, guilt, vanity, and sacrifice, but on the other hand, there is joy, passion, and companionship, that takes dedication, commitment, communication, and choosing to love and be with someone every day, in all of their forms.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE3fmwk1XMg

Honesty

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbyMKJM3gWG

None of it matters the finances, the weight, my looks, my intelligence, my job, my mental illness, my routine, etc.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg36VGW92UG

It’s just all an excuse because I don’t deserve love.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0DqKCxkDmT

I have vehemently pushed aside good things, good friends, good relationships, especially good women.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDQpnYEM7GD

I don’t want to feel like I deserve it.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeUfbcsCslW

I don’t want to make the time to actually improve, I just want to live doing the minimal, avoiding as much pain as possible.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIoaqukJDqZ

I don’t have control and I never will. I am sad. I feel lonely, but at this point, this must be what I want.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7Gg2OVhkCm

In any relationship, I refuse to get close unless the other person can provide me with comfort and ease.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡO5YYiGbohS

I’m a narcissist, I only feed off of other people like a leech, a parasite, more like a vampire.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3H1ZAoaSf

Being sensitive and conforming all the time has become my nature.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡP1BSfwAAHi

Im not only addicted to Alcohol, Nicotine, and Marijuana.…

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibS1k1Ki8r

Im addicted to suffering and draining the people who love me most because I’m not even sure I love them the way they love me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEggH27WAfN

I just don’t try,

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvFCHquJlTN

I don’t want to try. Its easier to be everything, but me. Its less complicated.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSSDZUc1WCu

I dont want to be scrutinized because I already know how terrible I am as a human being.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡja1t1FjC2w

I can’t even say I’ve tried hard not be everything I hate. I am extremely intelligent and I limit myself.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAXJrTl0Of

I make unwise choices because when I hate failing.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ39xaaBzG28

I hate being feeling less. I hate being less, actually I love being less.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZyaUxukwC0

Confusion and complexity is the only thing I strive for which is why I never want to work on myself.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjgSZqwAvUX

I could read an unquantifiable number of books, do drugs, sleep with anyone, fall in love with anyone and it’ll never be enough.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTy5KjXIpK6

I will never be enough for myself and that is why I will never be anything more than what I am today or what I was the day before and I’m not okay with that, but I’m scared. I’m deathly afraid of me, I don’t know if I could even handle knowing the person I have become.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ05CgqX0ehT

I wish I had the courage to liberate myself instead of always convincing myself to liberate others.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuOUrKB9UT1

Fond Of

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl4Sh4s03Tp

What im fond of..

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ67zq59Q3fp

I am fond of memories, until im not

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCzqlVzVBtz

I am fond of love, until im not

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡd0AQYyftoU

I am fond of fairytales, until im not

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdiW5Wl4Pbo

I am fond of family, until im not

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYI8kkLUyzE

I am fond of life, until im not

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡviLxy89OMD

I am fond of giving, until im not

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ27If5Y02no

I am fond of you because this.. I cannot and will not stop

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ09K9O3o6eD

Paranoia

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvczD7k1RZv

Every day, being aware of your thoughts, but not just the act of thinking.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoelwddwCUw

Organizing, Rationalizing, and battling the sequence, the line of insecurities, the paranoia, the way I perceive the world around me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzQdpUCjXb6

Its the same assumption, more like accusations every 24 hours:

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLcz1koOD9

Are they laughing at me?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy6zaN9579m

Do they think I’m ugly?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhGXycH7rgD

Do they laugh because I’m ugly?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfX42Ss1S5w

They must be looking at me because there is something wrong with me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSiBcKvB0v

Is there something wrong with me?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiWKRUq7eJI

Why do I care? Why do I let myself care?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcHwZCe6s8w

Is she looking at me?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7JBLNFp9tl

I wish she would look at me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKaI3ziUPd

Why isn’t she interested?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtlBkMYSxOW

Do I even want her to be interested?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5XR5KAorXK

Its better if she isn’t.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡceXhJKd8lo

Im not in the right head space, financial stability, patience, looks, or the fact I’m not interesting enough.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ46GsPV17dd

Am I enough?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡozRlhSHYL6

Will I ever be enough?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVahK5Bagp

If I eat this am I going to be fat?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmvTC2xr5xC

Am I going to be even more unattractive?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTUVyuACK8y

If I don’t pray, if I don’t show gratitude, if I don’t give mercy to others, how can I expect it from God?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQrVI8ilH9f

Does god even want to hear from me?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwbif4hNtmM

I don’t want to pray because Im tired and it feels like a waste of my time.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyHG91OVzQy

When I do speak to God, does he take the time to listen when I have doubts, practically have zero faith?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBpe4rfvaHh

Am I just a loser who lives at home with Mom and Rick? Are they helping me or am I just manipulating them?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8XwMfmv79Z

Love Her

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4IxjXmt0Vh

How can I begin to liberate myself from this burden of loops consisting of only what ifs?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDksve1IeSz

Some days I think about you until dawn.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5n1ldyTobm

Most days now, I am restless.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLochshsquA

Producing, then digesting mountains of fantasies hoping theirs a side of you that sees what I do.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYcH8YWxWZ5

Still, we repel and with each passing moment, I bleed.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwNNjUQvpL

I lose all sense of consciousness and am yours.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFmJRlJ4fOo

Am I fool or a hopeless romantic?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ3koIRnp2r

Is there a clear distinction between the two?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJH7GYLg6Dg

I find myself treading along a silver lining.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNeLwSt8W6E

She believes she’s lead by kismet, but how can that be with a leash around its neck?

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuDvowE1phW

This path she walks erodes her.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk7MZ9CGAuj

It erodes me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡutdWP6827f

I feel it on her skin when we touch.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDLS3bmo2M2

Spiraling

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlgxpYJ5vw4

I am losing my mind all over again and I’m afraid of what can and will happen next.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOudgWJMq6K

There is so much that I need, but I think they are just things I want which is a huge difference.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRh0CxnDojk

Its not a bad to want something, but to cling onto it as if it’ll fix everything, or the key to my happiness is where I fall short.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡifH9lBhqkd

I keep on focusing on the outside, external factor that are the issue, but I don’t attempt to fix the broken pieces inside of me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAXXTutcHpc

I need to be validate in everything I do, or else I’ll never be good enough.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxV85AfYZZi

There is a wickedness inside of me that I feed.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCJ3fw5Obat

I believe in all the negative and rarely the positive.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZOoQ16j39G

I am getting much better and more mindful about the decisions and life choices im making, but that doesn’t mean I’m okay.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdYXKyokbxm

Because im not. I’m not okay.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXoCk6a9K1Y

I dont want to with anyone because im scared of being rejected.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpiWw6akLw1

Im scared of getting close to someone else and not pulling through or giving them too much of me.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM7XqHbrtLU

I know that if I got to that point and something bad happens like a break up, too many fights, different life plans/future, I’d be utterly devastated.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNZghp79ghR

I can barely hold myself together as is.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlImrJJZj1M

I wake up in the morning when I wish I could be dreaming.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0M5oYFVCts

I go downstairs and make myself an awesome smoothie with strawberries, bananas, cinnamon sugar almond butter oats and some milk.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOPX9AxcOnc

Its really fucking good.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNIURh8uFIl

I watch tv for about an hour or less, take my medicine and then head to the gym.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡchqlgm1cGk

I park my car closer to the bank which is further away from Planet Fitness because I like walking the distance.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRGZPWVzAf

I enter the gym, swipe my barcode with my membership and ask for 20 minutes on the Hydromassage.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYdjJE8V6Hz

After I go stretch for 10 to 15 minutes, lift for another 20 to 30 minutes, then walk for an hour while reading my books.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb2LRmy6AVZ

I get to read like 30 pages which I really enjoy, but lately its all felt monotonous, I am struggling to do the things that I used to really enjoy.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUo2U5yxZ94

I stretch for another 10 to 15 minutes or hit the hydromassage for another 10 minutes.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJqsS0Yw9v3

This is when I leave and head back home.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ06QjUWjD9O

Going back home I look forward to eating, sometimes showering, making myself eggs , drinking some protein powder (double chocolate).

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQSlKHRpB6W

I sit to watch something on Netflix, Hulu, Prime or YouTube while promoting my music.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7qzVIFe8jQ

Sometimes Ill make music, sometimes, Ill write a story or create some digital art.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZruKn5mTw

Lately, I’ve been getting into rom coms and feel good movies to distract myself.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡinXoCXpf5r

I want to be convinced that something good lies ahead.

480Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7XF9z1Q2CZ

I want to believe that something real and tangible is going to happen.

ns216.73.216.120da2

Reading Theme:

Font Size:

Line Spacing:

Paragraph Spacing:

Load the next issue automatically