Cru
After I left the dorm room I was shaking with fear? Exhaustion? Surprise? Maybe a combination of things. The boy who was the first person to see me cry since Grayson, is now my roommate. It’s bad enough with Echo being Grayson’s brother and hearing Grayson’s voice every time they call him. So I walked into the only unoccupied room in the building. I quickly locked the door and curled up under the blanket I stashed in the dresser. Then I got a call. The name that flashes on my screen is Grayson. I don’t know why, maybe I’m hoping that he’s calling to apologize, but I pick up.
“Hey cru, have you missed me?” He asks his voice as smooth as ever.
“Not really no. I’ve been cursing your name for years.” I reply carefully.
“Oh that’s a shame I was hoping that you still wanted me.” He says cruelly.
“You know one thing, out of the many, that I remember is you causing me pain. Is that I used to pray to god every night that you’d stay with me, that you would love me. When you left it showed me that he didn’t exist.” I will never forgive Grayson for breaking me. I still loved him but damnit if he rots in hell I don’t care.
“Still the same as ever I see. You wonder why no one will stay or love someone like you. No one except me.” Grayson says his voice cutting deep into me, bringing back memories I don’t want of him saying the same exact fucking thing.
“Fuck you Grayson. You never loved me either.” I say hanging up the phone before he could respond.
After a while my phone buzzes with a text from Echo.
Echo) “Hey are you okay? Where are you it’s almost lights out?” I almost laughed out loud.102Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSpzr8mpGA0
Me) “Of course I’m not okay. Echo how many days do you spend hiding from everyone? How many days do you squish your personality into a box to fit everyone’s expectations? How many times have you been left? How many fucking times have you been told that you aren’t fucking enough and never will be? You don’t need to know where I am I’ll be ready for my camp tomorrow. I’m not coming back to the room tonight.”
I send back angrily turning my phone onto do not disturb. I curl into even more of a ball and cry again. I can’t keep living like this. I can’t stop crying. Grayson had brought back all of the confusing mix of emotions and memories that I’d buried for so long.
Five years ago.
Grayson hit me. He slapped me hard across my face when I talked back to him. “No one else will love you Cru. Only I’ll put up with you. All of your other friends left, but I’m still here. Do you want me to leave too?” He asks with a flash of pain crossing his face as he said that last sentence.
“No! I never want you to leave me! I’m sorry for talking back.” I say begging him to stay.
“As long as you learned your lesson.” He says lying down next to me and cradling my body. He’s lips travel down under my shirt so no one will see the marks he leaves on my skin.
I shiver under his touch feeling a mix of anger, dread, fear and love that always surges in my chest when I’m near him like this. Grayson had become more controlling over the past months even though I’d quit the swim team for him. I had given up so much so I could spend more time with him, it never seemed to matter to him. I was always gone for too long when I went home. Untrustworthy that I only loved him when I was alone. “I’ve learned. I love you.” I promise him.
Now
Grayson
“Fuck you Grayson. You never loved me either.” Cru tells me his voice slapping me like a whip. Fuck this was why I love him. He catches me off guard like this always talking back. I’m going to have to teach him a lesson. The camps have a policy that family members can stay in the dorms for up to two week with their siblings or kids if the door mates agree. Fuck it, I’m going anyway. I quickly grab my suitcase and pack two weeks worth of clothes all of which are a little tight, for Cru of course. I grab the stuff from my bathroom and walk into the kitchen giving mom a hug.
“Hey Mom, I’m going to visit Echo at their camp tomorrow morning.” I tell her smiling.
“That’s great honey, you and Echo have been distant from each other for a while now.” She says with a melancholy smile.
“I know I’m trying to mend the bridge.” I tell her and myself just not the bridge with Echo, that can burn in fucking hell.
“Thank you,” She says. “Dinners on the stove when you’re hungry.”
“Thanks Mom, love you.” I respond.
“Love you too.” She says with a bright smile.
I eat dinner while Mom heads to her bedroom for, well, sleep. I snicker thinking about how Cru’s expression is going to change when he sees me. He’ll learn soon enough that he can’t talk back to me. In the three years I’ve been gone he’s forgotten the lessons I taught him. I’m coming Cru and you’ll be mine once again. Mine and only mine. The thing Dad taught me was show who is yours that they are yours. See you soon Cru.
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