The things I hate. - I hate being afraid.

I hate being afraid,

Afraid to love,

Afraid to trust,

Afraid to let people close.

I love fitting into a box,

Being perfect,

Being predictable,

Being what everyone expects.

The one who’ll take your pain,

The one who’ll give quiet acceptance,

The one who looks like she never hurts,

The one who has her life figured out,

Who knows what she’s going to do.

The one who’ll always be there,

Never asking for anything in return,

The perfect friend,

Even though I always feel distant,

Like I’m half there half not.

The perfect daughter,

Near perfect grades,

Never causes problems,

Disappears to her room all day,

Always quiet,

Always perfect.

Never cracking,

Never crying,

Almost never feeling,

The perfect face they don’t see behind,

No one sees the pain in my eyes,

The torture I put myself through,

No one hears the quiet scream I make everyday,

No one hears me pleading for help,

For a rescue from my own head,

From my own choice to be alone,

I hate being afraid to ask for help,

But I can’t,

No matter how hard I try,

I can never actually ask,

I used to pray everyday,

All I got was ignored,

What’s the point in praying if it doesn’t help?

What’s the point in asking for help,

When all that’ll happen is a relapse into this fear?

This fear of trusting,

This fear of loving,

This fear of them leaving,

This fear that I’ll never be good enough,

This fear that I don’t deserve anyone on my side,

This fear of letting people close,

Because all they do is leave.

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