台北市立醫院五樓的培訓教室,午後的陽光透過百葉窗斜斜地切進來,把地板割成一條一條的明暗。空氣裏浮着細微的塵埃,還混着一股淡淡的酒精消毒水味。69Please respect copyright.PENANAncA7e8vCwj
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白板上寫着今天的主題:69Please respect copyright.PENANAUzJ1CkbBjK
【心理支持在復健中的角色】69Please respect copyright.PENANAjn75O8rys6
主講人是省立醫院復健科的沈清揚醫師。他沒有穿白大褂,只是一件質地很好的淺藍色襯衫,袖口隨意捲着,站在講台前,語氣溫和卻清晰:「這名患者,六十五歲,退休前是馬拉松教練。中風後右半身癱瘓,目前生理指標穩定,但他拒絕復健、拒絕進食,甚至拒絕跟家人說話。」69Please respect copyright.PENANA0kvPXONliu
69Please respect copyright.PENANACZcfLrmTsg
他看向台下﹕「如果你是他的實習護理師,第一步會做什麼?」69Please respect copyright.PENANAx4ECsRR5QN
69Please respect copyright.PENANAv3UKUJFK3m
前排幾個穿着整齊制服的實習生立刻舉手。69Please respect copyright.PENANAYyPgicR7Je
「先用憂鬱量表評估,確認是否需要轉介精神科。」
「設定短程行為目標,從今天先嘗試坐起五分鐘開始。」
「建立強大的社會支持系統,讓家屬排除環境干擾因素。」69Please respect copyright.PENANADOYBc5P88r
沈清揚禮貌地聽着,掛着一個社交性的微笑,沒有特別滿意,也沒有全盤否定。他的視線越過人群,停在教室最後排。69Please respect copyright.PENANArV06UxfAdo
69Please respect copyright.PENANAQ38lyBslql
湘琴正低着頭,原子筆在筆記本邊緣漫無目的地畫着小圈圈。69Please respect copyright.PENANAXmTdPh8l9Y
69Please respect copyright.PENANABS23Qyni0f
「湘琴,妳呢?妳會怎麼做?」沈清揚輕聲問。69Please respect copyright.PENANA8T7osKryYN
69Please respect copyright.PENANAThA9w4hfeI
湘琴抬起頭,愣了一下,像是從某個很遠的地方被拉回來。她有點猶豫地站起身,沒有去翻講義,只是想了一下。69Please respect copyright.PENANAvPQ6boUBVn
69Please respect copyright.PENANAEy8Ne6HXb2
「我……我會先坐在他旁邊。」她的聲音不大,帶着一點生澀,「就是……什麼都不做,先陪着他。」69Please respect copyright.PENANA8MKJbA8L5p
69Please respect copyright.PENANAZZfyzL8vaW
教室裏響起細微的輕笑聲。69Please respect copyright.PENANARHa4q3Ulow
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有人小聲說:「厚,陪坐喔?現在護理師門檻這麼低喔?只要會發呆就可以喔?」69Please respect copyright.PENANAm8NkX5EAq4
69Please respect copyright.PENANAjW9JXXeK00
湘琴耳朵有點熱。「就是……先不要講什麼目標。」她抓着筆:「他以前是教練欸,一直在跑的那種人。現在突然什麼都要人幫,我覺得……」69Please respect copyright.PENANA2WbeX5PuPn
69Please respect copyright.PENANAttaECpLlbu
她停頓了一下,像是在想怎麼說才好,「如果一開口就說加油,你可以的。對他來說,可能不是鼓勵,是提醒。」69Please respect copyright.PENANA2ARvkY7gNB
69Please respect copyright.PENANANkTfcLOU4x
前排有人翻了個白眼。「不然咧?跟他一起抱頭大哭喔?這樣病人就會好喔?」69Please respect copyright.PENANAal38eBkKQ1
69Please respect copyright.PENANAJ2BRL5lRlc
湘琴吸了一口氣。「我不知道。」她老實說,「但我覺得,他現在應該不是不想動,是怕。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAIj4N7nWqyH
69Please respect copyright.PENANAR012bXr2hZ
教室安靜了一點。69Please respect copyright.PENANALMx9hB3PIt
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「我想問他一句話。」她聲音小了一點,「伯伯,你現在最怕什麼?」她講完,站在那裏,自己都不太確定有沒有答對。69Please respect copyright.PENANA9pROt5zQAh
69Please respect copyright.PENANAjhfj8SMj5s
沈清揚只是深深地看了她一眼,緩緩點頭:「嗯。」他只說了一句,「找到怕的東西,才找得到力氣。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAgYaxsBsPrl
69Please respect copyright.PENANAZGvDc77f4h
湘琴坐下來,手心都是汗。69Please respect copyright.PENANAsB64GHnwuy
就在這時,教室的門被推開了。69Please respect copyright.PENANAYEqlNRBxS1
69Please respect copyright.PENANABF3jLh2I0C
腳步聲規律,不疾不徐,踏在地板上發出沉悶的回響。江直樹站在門口。白襯衫,黑西裝褲,那張臉沒有任何多餘的情緒,冷得像從某台精密儀器裏走出來的人。69Please respect copyright.PENANArGAX5DH5iT
69Please respect copyright.PENANAzsKQsUsbYx
他沒有看講台,他的視線直接鎖定湘琴,像一道不需要任何遮掩的雷射。69Please respect copyright.PENANAFxFrylmESd
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整間教室都感覺到了那股壓迫感。69Please respect copyright.PENANAQTztlGHGeT
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直樹大步走下階梯,人群自動讓開一條路。他停在湘琴桌前,居高臨下地看着她。「手機為什麼關機。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAnFJTIaZJgX
69Please respect copyright.PENANAzHnRTNYp6T
不是問句。湘琴抬起頭,看着他。這雙眼睛,她曾經為了它哭過無數次,為了追着它迷失過無數次的自我。但這一刻,她的眼神很清楚。69Please respect copyright.PENANAqjy3aGLcAc
69Please respect copyright.PENANAGEovm6Y4cY
「江醫師,現在是研習時間。」她輕聲說,語氣客氣,乾淨,但少了那種隨時準備道歉的討好感。69Please respect copyright.PENANA29Z3wE8Akh
69Please respect copyright.PENANAzjpdVtBbEK
他眼神沉了一點,「鬧夠了沒?跟我回去。」他冷冷地說,語氣平得像在吩咐護士備藥。69Please respect copyright.PENANA0VcjArS5wZ
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幾個實習生面面相覷。69Please respect copyright.PENANAbNqRjQr8NN
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湘琴手指扣着桌邊﹕「我沒有鬧。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAVhYVWBcmjg
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直樹冷冷看着她:「妳待在這裏只是在浪費大家時間。跟我回去。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAB9Y8J1zDiO
69Please respect copyright.PENANAjIwg1sIIWQ
她看着他,停了兩秒。「我已經換指導醫師了。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAWZIVtV0ixI
69Please respect copyright.PENANAEOd31gqzKa
他冷笑一聲﹕「妳以為換個地方就會變好?」69Please respect copyright.PENANADpzXlzQNMb
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教室裏安靜到能聽見冷氣聲。69Please respect copyright.PENANAFA1IQHOihu
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湘琴手有點抖,但沒有低頭﹕「至少,我不用每天猜你臉色。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAqQOpLIBiuH
69Please respect copyright.PENANAR6HM56hKjl
這句說出口,她自己都愣了一下,直樹下顎線繃緊。69Please respect copyright.PENANA2JVXVy2Jrz
69Please respect copyright.PENANAm3UpzLcEEa
湘琴吸了一口氣。「江醫師,現在是研習時間耶。我沒有鬧,我也已經換指導老師了。...我來這裏是學怎麼照顧病人,不是學怎麼當跟屁蟲好嗎。」她聲音有點顫,但沒有退。69Please respect copyright.PENANAAJ03kccR0M
69Please respect copyright.PENANAIV0fBmlIZG
直樹的下顎線條緊繃着,沒有說話。「隨妳。」他從牙縫裏擠出兩個字,轉身走了。69Please respect copyright.PENANAUUIqtYlXyp
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教室的門帶上,發出一聲沉重的悶響,整間教室才慢慢有人呼吸。69Please respect copyright.PENANAI52rsOxZZW
69Please respect copyright.PENANAkmhjjzc8B8
湘琴坐下來,手還在發抖。沈清揚看了她一眼:「湘琴,伯伯剛剛情緒有起伏。」語氣很自然。「妳要不要去看看?」69Please respect copyright.PENANAoPUvCA6JZc
69Please respect copyright.PENANA5JEl4cWYZY
湘琴點點頭﹕「好。」她收起筆記本,走出去,沒有回頭。69Please respect copyright.PENANAM1CTFfXHFY
樓下的地下停車場,日光燈發着細微的電流聲,光影在擋風玻璃上投下冰冷的色澤。69Please respect copyright.PENANAnstVYvEa5u
69Please respect copyright.PENANAsPaeL4O35p
直樹坐進白色轎車,沒有立刻發動。他習慣性地抬起頭,視線往後照鏡一掃——69Please respect copyright.PENANANexCGPXv9I
在那一瞬間,他彷彿看見後座有個晃動的身影,正吵着:「直樹,我們等一下去吃那個好不好?」、「直樹,這間餐廳評價很高耶!」69Please respect copyright.PENANAxRJhXEzoBU
但當視線定焦,後座空無一人。那張曾經總是擠滿笑容的臉消失了,取而代之的,是一疊被隨意放置、毫無溫度的醫學期刊,在昏暗的燈光下顯得冷冰冰的。69Please respect copyright.PENANAWZZ62dzCD7
他收回視線,面無表情地伸手去摸副駕駛座。以前湘琴如果跟着來,那裏會有她提前泡好、用保溫杯裝着的提神咖啡,遞過來時還會小心翼翼地問:「直樹你要喝嗎?有一點點苦,我有放糖喔。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAaHmLKS9rGY
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他的手伸過去,什麼都沒有摸到。指尖觸碰到的是冰冷的皮革座椅,還有一片死寂的空氣。69Please respect copyright.PENANAfDvhGLfdv3
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直樹皺了皺眉,看向手機螢幕。那個置頂對話框,以前一天能跳出幾十條沒什麼意義的訊息——「直樹你吃飯了嗎」、「直樹今天有雨記得帶傘」、「直樹直樹……」69Please respect copyright.PENANAWCWvDjIZ2Q
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現在它安靜得刺眼,最後一則停在幾天前,是他單方面發出的冷淡回應。69Please respect copyright.PENANAKrJTzeIiOV
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他猛地踩下離合器,發動引擎,切換排檔桿準備倒車——69Please respect copyright.PENANA0bzc1ErkIp
「嘎——!」69Please respect copyright.PENANAwCdIOdJYTy
或許是因為手指僵硬,排檔桿竟在掌心滑了一下。引擎空轉的聲音在封閉的停車場裏顯得格外刺耳。直樹的眉頭深深鎖起,下顎線條繃得死緊。他重新換檔,踩下油門,讓車子流暢地駛出去。69Please respect copyright.PENANAvaMzSP1tRJ
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但在轉向出口的那個瞬間,只有他自己知道,他握着方向盤的手,指節因為過度用力而顯得有些慘白。69Please respect copyright.PENANAPJGLsZV8OX
樓上的病房,午後的巡房時間快結束了。69Please respect copyright.PENANAPBAn5cRzQL
69Please respect copyright.PENANAeVWVerxrhl
湘琴坐在馬拉松教練伯伯的病床邊,細心地替他調整右側肢體的位置,輕輕把枕頭墊高一點。「伯伯,我幫你翻一下喔。」她動作很慢,「會有一點痠,忍一下。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAi8Lc3sOhSh
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伯伯沒有說話。69Please respect copyright.PENANAvnWyZTWm33
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湘琴拿毛巾,輕輕擦他手背。「你以前是不是很兇啊?」她突然笑了一下,「教練都很兇對不對?」69Please respect copyright.PENANAz5mLWRheQC
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伯伯眼睛動了一下。69Please respect copyright.PENANAKuhCpMX73z
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湘琴假裝沒看到﹕「我以前也被罵過欸,很兇那種。」她幫他把手指一根一根伸開,「但其實,我覺得你現在不是生氣,是不甘心。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAY6ZLx9SwO1
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她沒有逼他回答,只是坐在那裏,陪着。69Please respect copyright.PENANA0Bqqd4bLbc
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過了很久。69Please respect copyright.PENANARGrB7foURI
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伯伯喉嚨動了一下,很小聲﹕「……丟臉。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAPXrmsGC2bO
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湘琴抬頭,「嗯。」她點頭,「很丟臉。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAnsE1GoRHmo
69Please respect copyright.PENANAdr6m5BEhfR
沒有安慰,沒有否認,她只是握住他的手。「那我們不要一次跑馬拉松。」她笑了一下,「今天先坐五分鐘就好。」69Please respect copyright.PENANAYFXSQ8yBDV
69Please respect copyright.PENANAksFbJtTuqa
窗外夕陽把半邊天染成橘紅色,餘暉灑進病房,落在湘琴的側臉上。69Please respect copyright.PENANA0egv7RyD79
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那個曾經追着江直樹的背影跑、在別人的世界裏找存在感的袁湘琴,此刻停下來了。69Please respect copyright.PENANADOLKEn1BdW
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她站在自己的位置上,第一次,只是為了眼前這個人,好好地站着。
【第三章 完】
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