Yes, yes, my posts have been waaaaay over due. To be honest, life has just been super crazy lately, and pretending to be an adult who has it all figured out is exhausting. Especially when there is family drama thrown into the mix of life.
So, I've mentioned before that there was preexisting family drama, but I still won't go into too much detail (as I need to be in the right mood to get into all that). At least the family drama has gone in the other direction, which is actually for the better. I've gone from ostracized black-sheep member, to slightly less black-sheep status that's been welcomed back into the picture. Like the prodigal son, I was welcomed back after being kicked out for no proper reason.
However, in the time of my banishment, my brother got even more favour in my parents' lives- and so did his fiance. When I was finally welcomed back, all the resentment was still present among us, with everyone taking smaller shots at me without giving me the chance to set the situation straight. And with me being the mediator in the family, I rather let things slide than cause a scene (horrible family job, but someone has to do it).
Now, just a little background to my current rant. My parents have collectively lost 32 kg since the start of the year. Very inspirational, very glam, everyone wants to know their secrets, blah blah blah. But, what everyone seemed to not want to see was that I had lost 15 kg before they even started losing weight (chubby family, but now I can't blame it on my genes anymore). What I had going for me at that time at least was the fact that all the weight I had lost was picked up by my 'perfect' brother and his fiance. Although, now I'm overshadowed again by all the weight they've lost again since they started my parents' diet.
I was home this weekend, alone unfortunately because my fiance had to work, so I was forced to face the disproving nature of my parents on my own. The whole weekend I had to hear how my mom went on and on about how great my future sister-in-law is looking, and that she should keep it up. Granted, everyone deserves to have uplifting moments to keep you going in the healthy direction, just sucks when your mom only does it for your brother's future wife (which take into consideration, she berates my fiance ALL THE TIME). All I got the whole weekend was "you can do better", "you don't take it as seriously as they do", "don't worry, you'll get your dream body before your wedding, just like -she who shall remain unnamed- is well on her way to doing".
Oh! And get this! I announced my wedding date a few months back, only to have her secretly announce to everyone else that she decided on a date two weeks before mine. I'm already having to deal with my fiance's cousins doing the same or stealing my wedding theme, now it has to happen so close to home. If it's not apparent already, I may be experiencing some wedding stress already, even though it's a year away.
Things were going smoothly when the planning started. My mom wasn't in the picture and my mother-in-law just wanted to make me happy. Everything was great, had everything planned to a tee, literally just needed to buy the stuff to make my concept come true (everything is going to be Disney, it's going to be awesome). Now suddenly my mother-in-law wants to make decisions for me and my mom just disagrees with all of my already made decisions. Like now, suddenly my estranged grandmother has to be at the wedding - bear in mind this woman abused my father, wrote him and the rest of us off, and only got back into our lives after she had a stroke and there was no one else left in her life to look after her - and I get crapped on every time they hear I haven't sent her an invitation yet. I'm so close to getting married out of the court and eloping.
I'm not sure what I prefer... being banned from the family and not dealing with the family drama, but being emotionally tormented by the fact that I may only see my parents again at their funerals; or being welcomed back into the judgmental circle of entitled people who think they can say what they want because they're family... Isn't family great!
One thing I can say for sure, I'm glad I don't live at home anymore and the big day is a year away. Also, I'm still grateful I have a family and parents who love me (even though they don't show it in conventional ways).
- Until tomorrow's midnight
Jelly.JayBee
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