Today’s Mind - Starting where I am - stream of consciousness

I have a story in my head. I’ve been planning and dreaming it for years but I don’t have the skills to write it the way I want just yet. And that’s where you come in. “You” being the empty page I’m staring at. I’ll never improve if I don’t practice, so I’m going to ruin you. I’ll cover you in ugly scribbles and clumsy words, and someday I’ll look back on this and hate all of it. I know I’ll hate it, but today I am proud. I’m starting my training today to become a better writer and a more creative mind. I will almost certainly look back on this and cringe but for now I am happy that I started at all.

So much of this page is empty still. I feel like I’ve been writing forever and I only have one paragraph. Should something in this format even has paragraphs? My thoughts don’t have paragraphs. Then again, they tend to not have separated words either. I can’t be posting things like “it’ssolatewhyamistillwatchingtv?” So I suppose I should filter my brain a little. Was that a strange word choice? Too late. Can’t go back now.

516Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeAhk5osTBe

That got me thinking though. I don’t really think in words either. Mostly my thoughts are directed points of irritation or confusion with no real words to accompany it. Odd. I want to stop typing now to have an existential crisis, but that won’t help my productivity any. I’m going to store my discomfort with the way my own thoughts work in the back of my mind and probably write a poem exploring it later. I might forget though. Where’s my notebook? Do I even own a notebook? I must have at least one but I can’t picture it. Wierd. I want to keep writing but all my remaining thoughts are along the lines of “I should definitely be asleep right now” so I don’t think I’m going to get much more out of this today. That’s it I guess. Time to put this mess out into the world.

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