沒有亞當夏娃的伊甸園，禁果向長毛象伸出獠牙。看不到眼睛，但感到它目光觸及所有生物，這是向神發起的挑戰。
(清流51字)
星羽：只係形容咗長毛象和蘋果，並不能確實地感受到當中的環境
宇樂：有待描寫更多景物和劇情
嵐靈:期待寫更多
愛貓：小鳥被忽視了(T ^ T)
好人卡：50字極限描述真喺好難呢XD 但單純從文字就已經感到一種壓迫感
古潮兒: 好像是小說前奏，留白的地方能令人產生大戰的聯想
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