《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDlqXIp7UQ
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衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC0NAbQQKeX
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附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8py5CHMfsi
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登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJIGmwrwuUB
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警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMfyv8YK2pV

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRjFIZUJqI8
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「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOBDOeuu3gc
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8Rm75NqubJ
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAUoFNsccz5
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「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFjl6lzDW9N
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阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXDRTlxXGmm
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亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Lo5bSaR7l

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuKoXrvorm2
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咔——401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9QLhz23Kfd
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小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpv3CmVmU9l
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgVjyGkztWd
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCeyaGxhc9
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY24nbBqHAJ
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzwCq7YQlTo
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoYeaVMm56m
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOixTH0GEmg
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我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWcpP69aKqJ
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挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl8oki6ZGPW
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfKsNPp6OAy
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡukGoYSRDOC
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至少三十年。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFY0tP9MU1i
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我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡah1gWA3sx5
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「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPBizT78Q4T
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「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbIpkgKtbzT
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSJ4CIG8p0b
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2gQ1K23yhW
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDVfc6ghC6Q
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQgLK5hAr0Q
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02fXUoPFAm
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAGviyZJLsh

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡz7zymrIYtL
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8yFBE4EuL
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvwZOlN7S8W
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡryh71phTyX
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00rGCzIIHS
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夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPvmEpOZIac
401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJPxzjQeQRk
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ390PlOy7HI
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我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4PNWldancw
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感動退散，惡意再生。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOYxv9qPGH2
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缺失很多，要求更多。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCd41hhGK7d
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缺失愛，索求愛。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrG1dehSjTr
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變本加厲。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5fp0wh413
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理所當然。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyjVDFfvIck
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社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwmtAZ2T8yp
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她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbdgIxrqhQP
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沒有永遠的愛。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQRtthuthZz
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缺失愛，索求愛。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡx0w7PS2mgr
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鳳姐索價三百元。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwXCE7VmyPc
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她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡphHbNkpM6x
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完事。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9XuHf1szxC
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一切歸空。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN8PoTO4tKn
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理所當然。401Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg771g7ZJTr