「我憎恨你!永遠憎恨你!」407Please respect copyright.PENANAZ8wLArKnqs
407Please respect copyright.PENANAC562FtBIVT
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛,跑出遮雨簷篷,衝過警方封鎖線,直撲上前搥打我胸膛,拳拳復拳拳,拳拳到肉,拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗,而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺:父母的血在我和她體內,亦在她手上、我衫上。407Please respect copyright.PENANAPMyxd4HfFE
407Please respect copyright.PENANA6CSUE7vM1e
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹,待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。407Please respect copyright.PENANAAeC5vMp78A
407Please respect copyright.PENANAH3eI1qEATa
登上警車,我輕問身旁警員:「你們是故意的吧?」407Please respect copyright.PENANAMqcUjB9Z12
407Please respect copyright.PENANAerKTw8tcSW
警員目不斜視,對著空氣道:「你殺死父母,是故意的吧?」407Please respect copyright.PENANAqt9yCVg42Z
操場上,烈日刺眼,人影紛亂,或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來,其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中,驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸,想到一個減刑方法。407Please respect copyright.PENANAnVBbKNcaXe
407Please respect copyright.PENANALkjUNQZ6ng
「他有參與打鬥!」臨近操場出入口,我突然指著阿青呼叫。407Please respect copyright.PENANAzxVBgI6lDh
407Please respect copyright.PENANAXsElSCDPtB
阿青尚未意會我所指何事,已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色,嘗試辯解:「冤枉啊!我沒有……」407Please respect copyright.PENANAibt4QsmCx5
407Please respect copyright.PENANA0kdbErCTkp
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥!」雖知阿青無辜,但為了建功減刑,我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀:「我平日與阿青關係不錯,沒有冤枉他的理由。」407Please respect copyright.PENANAX9kx5lGTbF
407Please respect copyright.PENANA8yYBP7GvcW
阿青抬頭望我,似乎明白這是甚麼一回事,瞬間臉容扭曲,極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青,甚至對他施用棍擊。407Please respect copyright.PENANAUM9Mq0H7oA
407Please respect copyright.PENANARokVRpYiaL
亂棍之下,頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒,勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我:「你這忘恩負義的傢伙!枉我在獄中處處維護你,代你吃下不少苦頭!走著瞧!我定會算帳!我不會放過你!我永遠憎恨你!」407Please respect copyright.PENANARtJPss1GSc
狹小房間內,淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟,胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。407Please respect copyright.PENANADISHfcvyqJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANAPs51vB0b9c
咔——407Please respect copyright.PENANAQv41XA3s58
407Please respect copyright.PENANAIle2g7axum
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚,表情僵住:「客廳有人。」407Please respect copyright.PENANAJfQCm2BGlh
407Please respect copyright.PENANA50yN0iwXZo
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚,繼續重覆腰肢動作。407Please respect copyright.PENANAvrqD9TOgkJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANAKLKV4YozS6
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。407Please respect copyright.PENANALZNEuHd57e
407Please respect copyright.PENANAMPKIn7YF55
「孕婦,跑不遠、跑不快,怕甚麼?」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸,暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張,沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡,匆匆收錢離開。407Please respect copyright.PENANAI65mTYPFh0
407Please respect copyright.PENANArhKMh9zTHN
我叼菸走向梳化,在芝芝身旁坐下,安慰道:「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」407Please respect copyright.PENANAB6rmcAqO4a
407Please respect copyright.PENANAAm9plNvmDA
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語,臉色玄青。407Please respect copyright.PENANAXAQ8BwSspP
407Please respect copyright.PENANAL7kH9j9uPj
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆,心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。407Please respect copyright.PENANASPvwNUijvU
407Please respect copyright.PENANAEOy6SfovVR
至少三十年。407Please respect copyright.PENANA3KPogKNGcq
407Please respect copyright.PENANAhZMSCawJ4E
我們相識於中學三年級,彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混,她是不良少女,一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚,幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際,誰料芝芝主動聯絡,供吃供住,只求與我再續前緣。407Please respect copyright.PENANAGO74QELyAE
407Please respect copyright.PENANArdXKxKDs0j
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受,不是出於內疚或推卸責任,而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。407Please respect copyright.PENANATMyiwiEI2W
407Please respect copyright.PENANAss1Onc63fv
「你曾愛我嗎?」芝芝眼眶通紅,忍淚問了一個傻問題。407Please respect copyright.PENANAsHlkNqa29p
407Please respect copyright.PENANATULdc7Igz9
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛,但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。407Please respect copyright.PENANABZ5jr9Mpkz
407Please respect copyright.PENANA4D3dxLv12S
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住,流下兩行清淚,語帶哭腔:「這刻開始,我會開始憎恨你,永遠憎恨你。」407Please respect copyright.PENANAw1gjCuuZQp
407Please respect copyright.PENANAtviuOH8ATY
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂,直接走出大門,離開單位。407Please respect copyright.PENANAXxnWaynru2
七十歲的我獨居劏房,不良於行,少有外出,平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。407Please respect copyright.PENANA2mv8X5a1Yx
407Please respect copyright.PENANAUPJ5UNiwdx
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人,不知人世險惡,對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄,她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多,買來更多物資。407Please respect copyright.PENANAbEf5wYhwko
407Please respect copyright.PENANABK6uOmojkr
相識之初,我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多,我多次目睹她為我無私付出,不禁開始動容,深切自省。407Please respect copyright.PENANAFvMQgLhe6c
407Please respect copyright.PENANALLkuJVwpIm
夜深人靜,流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近,對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾,在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠,憶起很多人,很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯?因為我不相信永遠。407Please respect copyright.PENANAm0bMTeLuT9
407Please respect copyright.PENANAsbt5YagY2A
沒有永遠的惡,沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。407Please respect copyright.PENANABfvpLz7N4p
407Please respect copyright.PENANAzgenqx2KVa
我自私?誰不自私?爸媽養兒防老,阿妹需要爸媽供書教學,阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮,芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算?人人都在計算!407Please respect copyright.PENANAVGLzNjop4D
407Please respect copyright.PENANAp07orA37h7
感動退散,惡意再生。407Please respect copyright.PENANA0g8XZWC0ZK
407Please respect copyright.PENANAELPeAc81Iz
缺失很多,要求更多。407Please respect copyright.PENANAuX0CMA4Mub
407Please respect copyright.PENANAMJs06Kj9Wv
缺失愛,索求愛。407Please respect copyright.PENANApkj8UcNqof
407Please respect copyright.PENANAEMbaWhm1xf
變本加厲。407Please respect copyright.PENANAzr54FCfJ0B
407Please respect copyright.PENANArJ5SFgIyiG
理所當然。407Please respect copyright.PENANAJ6CO969Hg5
407Please respect copyright.PENANAL6d6w4zlcr
社工說疫情險峻,求助人數激增,難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限,無法重點照顧我一人。407Please respect copyright.PENANAzMkCwW81Is
407Please respect copyright.PENANAqyquKrn6C6
她離開。我撒野:「你偽善!快走!別來!我憎恨你!永遠!」407Please respect copyright.PENANAYrVUsYlRNK
407Please respect copyright.PENANAOO50d59Vyk
沒有永遠的愛。407Please respect copyright.PENANAmu23BLYb5j
407Please respect copyright.PENANAYTNVcV5Xb1
缺失愛,索求愛。407Please respect copyright.PENANAvg57Sr20yL
407Please respect copyright.PENANALVy2GxStWU
鳳姐索價三百元。407Please respect copyright.PENANAvWbBQNUTln
407Please respect copyright.PENANA9VrZmuP5Ld
她有眼前利益,我有當刻快感。407Please respect copyright.PENANA7zqSPddChJ
407Please respect copyright.PENANACa1LK0bFp9
完事。407Please respect copyright.PENANAzs2L7UJCuB
407Please respect copyright.PENANAmiVI8fSuz5
一切歸空。407Please respect copyright.PENANA6ZR0aSjPRx
407Please respect copyright.PENANAbb7IsHyuRM
理所當然。407Please respect copyright.PENANA99tXBV6SXY
題解:
四:四次
嚎:嚎叫、嚎哭。這裡借代情緒激動時的話語。
永:永遠
憎:憎恨
你:你
註:此篇將會收錄於短篇小說合集《雜念集》。
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