《狂亂文字》號四真永李 2022-04 - 四嚎．永憎你

「我憎恨你！永遠憎恨你！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ8wLArKnqs
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡC562FtBIVT
衣衫單薄的阿妹無視冷雨紛飛，跑出遮雨簷篷，衝過警方封鎖線，直撲上前搥打我胸膛，拳拳復拳拳，拳拳到肉，拳拳入心。我沒有還手——不打算反抗，而且雙手被手拷反扣在後——默默垂眼看著她雙手沾染我衫上血跡。這時何等奇妙的感覺：父母的血在我和她體內，亦在她手上、我衫上。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPMyxd4HfFE
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6CSUE7vM1e
附近幾位警員沒有立即阻止阿妹，待她發洩將近十秒、有記者正要舉機拍攝時才拉開她。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeC5vMp78A
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH3eI1qEATa
登上警車，我輕問身旁警員：「你們是故意的吧？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMqcUjB9Z12
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡerKTw8tcSW
警員目不斜視，對著空氣道：「你殺死父母，是故意的吧？」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqt9yCVg42Z

操場上，烈日刺眼，人影紛亂，或逃跑或追趕。兩幫囚犯因私怨扭打起來，其餘局外囚犯連忙依獄警指示離開現場。我混在逃走行列當中，驀地發現走在前方的人正是與我關係不錯的獄友——阿青。靈機一觸，想到一個減刑方法。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnVBbKNcaXe
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLkjUNQZ6ng
「他有參與打鬥！」臨近操場出入口，我突然指著阿青呼叫。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzxVBgI6lDh
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXsElSCDPtB
阿青尚未意會我所指何事，已然被獄警壓制在地。他面帶怯色，嘗試辯解：「冤枉啊！我沒有……」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡibt4QsmCx5
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0kdbErCTkp
「我真的看見阿青參與打鬥！」雖知阿青無辜，但為了建功減刑，我唯有狠下心腸補上一刀：「我平日與阿青關係不錯，沒有冤枉他的理由。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX9kx5lGTbF
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8yYBP7GvcW
阿青抬頭望我，似乎明白這是甚麼一回事，瞬間臉容扭曲，極力試圖掙脫獄警。更多獄警上前制伏激動不已的阿青，甚至對他施用棍擊。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUM9Mq0H7oA
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRokVRpYiaL
亂棍之下，頭破血流的阿青咬牙切齒，勉力抬頭怒目瞪著我：「你這忘恩負義的傢伙！枉我在獄中處處維護你，代你吃下不少苦頭！走著瞧！我定會算帳！我不會放過你！我永遠憎恨你！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRtJPss1GSc

狹小房間內，淫穢之聲迴繞不散。在我胯下的年輕小女生或嬌喘或呻吟，胸前兩團白肉隨著抽插節奏晃晃盪盪。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDISHfcvyqJ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPs51vB0b9c
咔——407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQv41XA3s58
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIle2g7axum
小女生被房外聲響嚇驚，表情僵住：「客廳有人。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJfQCm2BGlh
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ50yN0iwXZo
「是我妻子。」我處變不驚，繼續重覆腰肢動作。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvrqD9TOgkJ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLKV4YozS6
「你不怕……」小女生奇怪我的冷靜。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLZNEuHd57e
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMPKIn7YF55
「孕婦，跑不遠、跑不快，怕甚麼？」我伸手微微施力掐住小女生細長白頸，暗示不滿她話太多。也許不安導致情緒緊張，沒多久我倆雙雙高潮完事。小女生沒有洗澡，匆匆收錢離開。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI65mTYPFh0
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrhKMh9zTHN
我叼菸走向梳化，在芝芝身旁坐下，安慰道：「放心。金錢交易。不是長期關係。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB6rmcAqO4a
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAm9plNvmDA
挺著巨肚的芝芝低頭不語，臉色玄青。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXAQ8BwSspP
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL7kH9j9uPj
「沒法子。生理需要。總不能憋住十個月。」我口說得輕鬆，心裡細細數算芝芝跟我多少個年頭。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPvwNUijvU
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEOy6SfovVR
至少三十年。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3KPogKNGcq
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhZMSCawJ4E
我們相識於中學三年級，彼此都是十五歲。我當時是小混混，她是不良少女，一拍即合。後來我殺人判囚，幸得減刑出獄。沒能回家。苦惱之際，誰料芝芝主動聯絡，供吃供住，只求與我再續前緣。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGO74QELyAE
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdXKxKDs0j
「我曾為你的付出感動過。奈何純粹的感動無法改變我本性——我天生就是壞人。」我向芝芝坦白感受，不是出於內疚或推卸責任，而是我沒有隱瞞的原因。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTMyiwiEI2W
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss1Onc63fv
「你曾愛我嗎？」芝芝眼眶通紅，忍淚問了一個傻問題。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsHlkNqa29p
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTULdc7Igz9
「我不知道那是否愛。」我對芝芝沒有愛，但在她身上我感受到何謂愛。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBZ5jr9Mpkz
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4D3dxLv12S
「你走吧。我和孩子不需要你。」芝芝終於按捺不住，流下兩行清淚，語帶哭腔：「這刻開始，我會開始憎恨你，永遠憎恨你。」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw1gjCuuZQp
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtviuOH8ATY
「你早該對我死心。」我聳肩表示沒所謂，直接走出大門，離開單位。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXxnWaynru2

七十歲的我獨居劏房，不良於行，少有外出，平日依靠社工幫忙購置日用品。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2mv8X5a1Yx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUPJ5UNiwdx
社工是個初出茅廬的年輕人，不知人世險惡，對我毫無戒心。我撒謊說自己被兒女拋棄，她就拿著我提供的假資料尋人。尋人不果就來關心我更多，買來更多物資。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbEf5wYhwko
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBK6uOmojkr
相識之初，我經常在心裡嘲笑她笨蛋。不過隨著相處時間增多，我多次目睹她為我無私付出，不禁開始動容，深切自省。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvMQgLhe6c
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLLkuJVwpIm
夜深人靜，流浪狗吠聲忽遠忽近，對面大廈招牌的刺眼強光穿透薄窗簾，在牆上映出花花綠綠迷幻色塊。無眠，憶起很多人，很多我虧欠過的人。爸媽……阿妹……阿青……芝芝……孩子……其實我一直以來知道自己有多壞、多可惡。為何明知故犯？因為我不相信永遠。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm0bMTeLuT9
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbt5YagY2A
沒有永遠的惡，沒有永遠的愛。只有眼前利益和當刻快感。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBfvpLz7N4p
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzgenqx2KVa
我自私？誰不自私？爸媽養兒防老，阿妹需要爸媽供書教學，阿青幫我是貪慕虛榮，芝芝救我是為彌補遺憾。誰沒計算？人人都在計算！407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVGLzNjop4D
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp07orA37h7
感動退散，惡意再生。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0g8XZWC0ZK
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡELPeAc81Iz
缺失很多，要求更多。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuX0CMA4Mub
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMJs06Kj9Wv
缺失愛，索求愛。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpkj8UcNqof
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEMbaWhm1xf
變本加厲。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzr54FCfJ0B
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrJ5SFgIyiG
理所當然。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ6CO969Hg5
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL6d6w4zlcr
社工說疫情險峻，求助人數激增，難以經常前來探望我。我埋怨她不關心我。她解釋說機構人手資源有限，無法重點照顧我一人。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzMkCwW81Is
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqyquKrn6C6
她離開。我撒野：「你偽善！快走！別來！我憎恨你！永遠！」407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYrVUsYlRNK
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOO50d59Vyk
沒有永遠的愛。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmu23BLYb5j
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYTNVcV5Xb1
缺失愛，索求愛。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvg57Sr20yL
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVy2GxStWU
鳳姐索價三百元。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvWbBQNUTln
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9VrZmuP5Ld
她有眼前利益，我有當刻快感。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7zqSPddChJ
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCa1LK0bFp9
完事。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzs2L7UJCuB
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmiVI8fSuz5
一切歸空。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6ZR0aSjPRx
407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbb7IsHyuRM
理所當然。407Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ99tXBV6SXY