What a lovely story. I loved the twist at the end. Definitely one of my favorite styles of writing, especially when done right. Nowadays, so many writers have so many obvious tells of when a twist is coming. Here, it was done almost to a perfect level! I dont know if i would’ve been able to guess your twist, even if there was more to the story.
Unfortunately, I must with fellow writer Jay Ellis. I believe you opened a little heavily with info that required more background, which kinda made it confusing to start. A couple typos, but I’m not one to talk with mobile “auto-correct”. I do believe this is more mystery than horror, although could also fall in suspense with a little more context, which can just barely be tied to horror if done right. Just my thoughts though. Anyone else want to jump in? Horror isn’t quiet my expertise.
Overall, a fun read. I really didn’t expect most of what you wrote. Keep it up, buddy!
I'm a big fan of this style of writing where you uncover the sequence of events through logs and journals. I would, unfortunately, classify this as more of a mystery-suspense story rather than a horror story as nothing really creepy happened. Regardless, I loved it! It was really good, and - save for a few typos - fairly well written. I really liked the mystery, although a lot of things were left unanswered. However, the last sentence was a great way to end it because it gives a clue as to why Braith was MIA. Fantastic read. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. :)
Technically, Braith wasn’t MIA. That was another person, Briallen, I think you mean. Braith shows up later and Briallen wasn’t talked about again. I think there was a typo or mix up. Look carefully at the paragraph before. You’ll see that Braith was said ti be knocked out. So probably a typo. I was so confused about that for so long.
@Kama Blades,You're right that there was a mix up, but it's in the reverse order, I believe. The journals are written by Briallen and Braith is the one listed as MIA in the list. I also believe this because Briallen is listed as being border of critcal and is also unconscious which would match the description Briallen gave in the final journal about their condition.
@Jay Ellis, Ah, I see it now. You, because the reports get changed mid story, and then seem to go to a journaling POV. Thanks for that insight. I might have missed it.
I wrote this when there was only 2 hours left due to working on entries for 6 other contests. I wanted get something in so, this. You can thank mobile and my bad spelling for any typos.
I plan to write a more detailed story from the perspective of one of the kids in another contest. So, it ain't over yet. That will be far scarier.
Also, Jay's story was what gave me the idea to write it like this. Great inspiration.
PS. Did you notice the children, rescuers and scouts weren't human?
@Aserilla1, I did notice, although it never really dove into what they actually were. I definitely would be interested in reading a more detailed version of this story. I really enjoyed this one. Let me know where and when you write that one, and I'll be sure to check it out.
Also, I'm glad to see that I was able to inspire you. That's always an awesome thing to learn, and I'm honored that I was able to do so for you. I think the way you formatted this was one of the things I loved the most about it. Great job once again. :)
@Jay Ellis, I'll be sure to let you know when I'm done with it. It'll be in the 'Make something good' contest.
If your interested, I wrote other stories about these creatures. Norway Huntress and Lily Tales. This and part 2 will eventually be added to Lily Tales.
Unfortunately, I must with fellow writer Jay Ellis. I believe you opened a little heavily with info that required more background, which kinda made it confusing to start. A couple typos, but I’m not one to talk with mobile “auto-correct”. I do believe this is more mystery than horror, although could also fall in suspense with a little more context, which can just barely be tied to horror if done right. Just my thoughts though. Anyone else want to jump in? Horror isn’t quiet my expertise.
Overall, a fun read. I really didn’t expect most of what you wrote. Keep it up, buddy!
I plan to write a more detailed story from the perspective of one of the kids in another contest. So, it ain't over yet. That will be far scarier.
Also, Jay's story was what gave me the idea to write it like this. Great inspiration.
PS. Did you notice the children, rescuers and scouts weren't human?
Also, I'm glad to see that I was able to inspire you. That's always an awesome thing to learn, and I'm honored that I was able to do so for you. I think the way you formatted this was one of the things I loved the most about it. Great job once again. :)
If your interested, I wrote other stories about these creatures. Norway Huntress and Lily Tales. This and part 2 will eventually be added to Lily Tales.
Seeing how much someone liked my story really made my day!