This is actually really nicely written. My only problem is the punctuation itself. For example, the last piece of dialogue for this chapter: " My woman ? Hardly to say, so what's new ? "
Besides being flat out incorrect, it's a bit jarring to the reader. It should read as "My woman? Hardly to say, so what's new?"
Basically: " My woman ? Hardly to say, so what's new ? " ----> "My woman? Hardly to say, so what's new?"
Just my two cents, and it'll probably take forever to edit all of it, but you've otherwise done a really nice job. :)
Besides being flat out incorrect, it's a bit jarring to the reader. It should read as "My woman? Hardly to say, so what's new?"
Basically: " My woman ? Hardly to say, so what's new ? " ----> "My woman? Hardly to say, so what's new?"
Just my two cents, and it'll probably take forever to edit all of it, but you've otherwise done a really nice job. :)