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roseofnoonvale
Great plot, the indentions aren't necessary here, good structure,though i would break the first paragraph into a couple smaller paragraphs
9 years agoReply
EnnaStark
Alright! I'll do that. Also I originally had this in a Word doc so that's why it's indented
9 years agoReply
KalveryaJohansson
I've noticed your first paragraph is rather big. Often if talking about something new, start on a new line. Also, the indenting is rather eye straining and also not necessary as another has told you.
9 years agoReply
EnnaStark
Yep! I'll fix that thanks!
9 years agoReply
Blank
My only advice is not to worry about indenting in online fiction writing. It's rarely necessary. :)
9 years agoReply
EnnaStark
Yeah I actually wrote this in a Word document so the indents were already formatted... I also tend to write a lot of research papers so it's a habit...
9 years agoReply
Faithios
You've got a good plot going here, but I will note that I got confused a couple of times since the story tends to sometimes go from third person to first person, especially in the italic parts. I would suggest sticking with third person so it's easier to follow.
9 years agoReply
EnnaStark
Sorry about that. I originally wrote this in first person but changed it to third person. I'll go through and change the mistakes. Thank you for pointing that out!
9 years agoReply
Faithios
@EnnaStark, Oh I see. You're welcome! ^^
9 years agoReply
EnnaStark
@Faithios, I just corrected the first person stuff and am currently working on the third chapter.
9 years agoReply
Faithios
@EnnaStark, Okay! I do plan to read further. :)
9 years agoReply
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