I can understand your concerns of copyright infringement but I feel like starting your story off with such is offputting. I commend your efforts and do have a couple of tips. First, don't capitalize your names completely. I wasnt entirely sure why that was like that and it was a bit distracting. Second, try to develop a sense of flow. Your sentences were a bit choppy. Third, try to throw some detail in there. You gave the setting a bit of a backstory but it seemed a bit rushed with the short sentences. Also the sudden death of one character. It just happened suddenly which is fine for ahock factor but i dont recall how they perished. This comment is to better your writing in the future so please do not stop posting your works and i wish you the best!
This comment is to better your writing in the future so please do not stop posting your works and i wish you the best!
-TnY