|| 8:00 pm ||
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhr0mEyKDbW
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo1MaGKyQfb
Subject: Schedule confirmation + passive-aggressive muffin update
hi eli,111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXYvmlZMaU
just confirming the 2PM group meeting this thursday at Hume Hall still stands.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCfIC48zbYS
also, erin brought in those weird protein muffins again. no one ate them. she’s pretending not to notice.
— maya
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡadO8X0BJJe
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhIuZcWreUq
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4eYGgr2InA
Subject: I think I’m the wrong Eli
Hey Maya,111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgNtENJRwMC
You’ve got the wrong Eli.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6Z4lJXxOEQ
I would love to say I was scheduled for a group meeting, but I am currently eating cereal on my couch, pants-less, and I don’t know anyone named Erin (or her offensive muffins).
Best of luck though. Team meetings and baked disappointment sound like a vibe.
– Not-Your-Eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡn0J5IHBqVe
aka Eli Martin
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEArW4f8Tp6
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFJJbPcZQhE
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZVUQIysDlF
Subject: 😂 oh my god sorry
oh. my. god.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHFSA9QpBqU
definitely wrong eli.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqO5BAS2gwV
also, the mental image of you pants-less eating cereal? horrifying — and weirdly relatable.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVkZohK9LRb
sincerely,111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXFGArTVnSg
a girl who can no longer face protein muffins or group emails
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBXerVx81fY
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhIEoJ8DlW
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAeEpmPdGiw
Subject: the muffin has been notified
No worries. Happens more than you'd think.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcjTTogGL1A
A guy once sent me his grocery list. It was 100% just “almond milk, floss, condoms, hot Cheetos.”111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8CJCRYOZFD
No context. I still think about him.
Tell Erin I support her, but also: maybe try banana bread.
– Eli (the wrong one, but apparently memorable)
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlLrkCndfjS
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ZtERErw0n
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkxyWLNDezy
Subject: wrong but kind of right
you’re honestly better than the eli i was trying to reach.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtNrNRybJg5
he once used Comic Sans in a group doc.
ps. banana bread is god tier. erin could never.
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZDReH2LRrv
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjbziXda5vP
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMh266fYHgg
Subject: justice for banana bread
maya,111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjymstnyMyl
is this our meet-cute?111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytjVlJy25v
like in a chaotic email inbox kind of way?
you insulted a guy’s muffins, complimented banana bread, and accidentally messaged me.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrk7Vp6Kc99
i don’t know. feels cinematic.
– still not your eli111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0MksuSpN6n
but i might be a decent one
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrg4nL5zZac
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuY0zWzF38y
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3rVvxuddrT
Subject: definitely a netflix pilot
if this becomes a romance — it better have a 90s soundtrack and questionable fashion.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeGGbtujZ45
(i call dibs on overalls and sad-girl eyeliner.)111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYe7b7Admc1
also: are we still emailing or is this where it ends?
just asking for… curiosity reasons.
– maya111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJxmqYQ492L
professional emailer of strangers
111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ280BPixub1
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0OhRQD0GRw
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCI9Hn82HOe
Subject: only weird if we stop
nah. let’s keep emailing.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2QR2fpd6H2
it’s kind of the most interesting thing that’s happened to me this week.
plus i want more muffin drama. and maybe your spotify recs.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgMuvNZloGS
purely academic interest, of course.
– eli
From: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡltV33J6Kry
To: [email protected]111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ78yADsO1bu
Subject: Re: only weird if we stop
glad you’re on board — who knew muffin drama could bring two wrong elis together?
also, if you start a support group for victims of questionable baked goods, count me in as president.
looking forward to more of your cereal pants stories and maybe some actual muffin updates.
— maya111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡelA4qogf7e
professional emailer of strangers
P.S. what’s your all-time worst muffin crime? asking for a friend.111Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRmMpLNihWb
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