From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡksv354B8jV
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4l5T6VCeuL
Subject: please tell me you like Helvetica
important question:115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUM7TWEflus
how do you feel about fonts?
i ask because my actual groupmate eli (aka The Betrayer) sent his entire breakup text to his ex in freaking Comic Sans.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqzkPpRYeWW
it was 6 paragraphs. with emojis.
i feel secondhand heartbreak AND secondhand shame.
— maya115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBoEs8VodqM
helvetica loyalist
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbWDbtqfQE3
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqNwF4T3YgN
Subject: font crimes are real
comic sans?? for a breakup??115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmyeX7A970H
he deserves jail. like... maximum security. solitary confinement with only wingdings as company.
you’re right to be distressed.
ps: helvetica supremacy.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2bGccFbwkF
pps: do i get to hear the breakup text in full? asking for... educational purposes.
— eli115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡm5V7hbD20C
font snob & emotionally nosy
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk0Hy42XHrc
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRihwQkPH5P
Subject: for academic suffering only
fine. you brought this upon yourself.
[BEGIN TEXT DUMP]
“hey babe 🥺 i just think we’re like, not vibing anymore 😔115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFKaJLATSOj
i’ll always care abt u but i gotta find myself.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX7QDX01QBT
ur amazing 💕 don’t let anyone tell u diff.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡf20HyfWleM
also i still want my hoodie back lol 💔”115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6kzPsFJal
[END SUFFERING]
i’m genuinely unwell. my skin crawled.
— maya
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuSR5oGuIYd
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuW13mivnq4
Subject: oh no.
MAYA.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPiJ2XxprgO
that man committed emotional damage and aesthetic violence in one go.
🥺 + Comic Sans + “lol” in a breakup???115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUs34Xj1zwN
my soul just left my body.
i vote we ban him from fonts. and feelings.
— eli
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhHhUYiCZMg
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡk8aUQFKChc
Subject: font ban confirmed
i hereby sentence him to only use Papyrus.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFvtxmwCzbF
and never speak of feelings again.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OuzJOBhSV
the hoodie has been burned for symbolic healing. 🔥
question:115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhmlLKfpW5D
what would you write in a breakup text?115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtaUoN7djAF
(no pressure. purely hypothetical. totally not judging.)
— maya115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2InvXs8XJs
font judge, emotional auditor
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKLTYsFasHj
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyDjmHYQEW6
Subject: okay wow pressure much
okay this feels like a trap but fine.
i’d probably go for something honest.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEmXIIW8cud
not a novel. no 🥺 emojis. something like:
“this isn’t easy. you’re someone i care about deeply,115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsjYYHIclsG
but i’m not in the right place to give you what you deserve.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbx3WERtKyt
i hope you find someone who can.”
then i’d ghost myself out of embarrassment.
is that... too sincere for an email friendship?
— eli
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKOPKcuewQP
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡioF1qSZZgT
Subject: okay rude now i’m feeling things
eli.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQjqi7295j3
that was weirdly lovely.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡAHFZyVIDxc
and now i feel weird for judging people who cry at fonts.
also: are we email friends now?115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoqpbx3fYZu
was there a form i missed?115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1qYo6Hdgy3
should i be sending muffins?
— maya115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡg4nO9dthZJ
emotionally compromised, probably baking
From: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZTBBZzaUaG
To: [email protected]115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb8DRj2dmRf
Subject: it’s official
congrats.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNaTztc6xoS
you are now contractually my accidental email friend.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBikROkzUzP
no muffins required, just vibes and inbox chaos.
although.115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnhoTiXPoo1
if you did bake, i wouldn’t say no.
— eli115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7ndI6mkKB6
friend of font victims
115Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6OrqJfbqNi
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