"Nothing heals heartbreak like screaming Olivia Rodrigo at full volume."
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFQ9tknEdtx
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWfuhhA74FG
Subject: pettiest playlist of the year goes to… me
eli.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqKygHBFGSa
i made a playlist titled “for when your groupmate uses comic sans and your faith in humanity breaks.”94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3qkJ4fY6xZ
i’m currently scream-singing to track 4 while eating cereal with a fork because all my spoons are in the sink.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUItGofd9xD
it’s a mood.
– maya94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡftkZsnUmET
sad. dramatic. cereal-forking.
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9JYM8Q5p1N
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡohSHisKifj
Subject: cereal fork is a vibe
maya.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfzUDKwEmml
track 4 better be “good 4 u” or i’m calling the authorities.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYjdJTJ2uBR
also, the fork thing is valid. i once drank iced coffee with a knife. no regrets.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfwwfLhjHpv
send me the playlist. for... peer review.
– eli94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDiBF6zSkAf
music snob, chaos enabler
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXZJQU7ty8x
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCq98zFBY4G
Subject: attached: rage therapy 💕
okay you asked for it.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbYowKCYKmD
enjoy: [https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4mtUmL00VaYfC0gkEH0Odt?si=uPQWcd-5RuGOfoOppIcfQg] “dear god why do men” — a playlist in five stages of grief, three accidental crushes, and one cup of weaponized spite.
tracklist highlights:
misery business – paramore
better than revenge – taylor swift
good 4 u – olivia rodrigo
brutal – also olivia, my queen
should’ve said no – taylor again, obviously
kill bill – sza (i don’t condone murder, but i vibe)
– maya94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlWQWCe2YRN
the most dramatic person you never met
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ432HsR6DYP
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6yKHIjTFvD
Subject: playlist review: violently iconic
maya.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ42qMMKPyXw
i have goosebumps.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpZQNpzZ5HR
i want to fight someone. i don’t even know who. but i’m hyped.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFXS8Ho1PWd
“kill bill” came on and i almost texted my ex “good luck.”94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVELTwqsNwD
i didn’t. but spiritually, i did.
also: “dear god why do men” deserves a grammy for best emotional support.
– eli94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN99PuZPaFL
threatened. inspired.
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsm8Xus9o6T
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkgtfk6SaUm
Subject: so we’re rage soulmates now?
eli,94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgmtmScjjED
you passed the vibe check.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡo9WNDiSkOP
you didn’t question my musical angst or my cereal fork.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoFAVQK8te3
this feels like the start of something irrationally comforting.
ps: have you ever cried to phoebe bridgers in a parking lot or is that just me?
– maya94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsZLkzltMmS
emotionally stable adjacent
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFYzfrFC2Z1
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmU7dTr88pr
Subject: phoebe bridgers made me cry at the DMV
maya.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmWib8ibDol
“motion sickness” came on. i was holding a ticket that said A132.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHTL5tUqQvt
i did cry.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnRiBXSEA26
the security guard offered me a tissue and a mint.
so yes. we’re bonded now.
– eli94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpOnQEKYfbm
co-president, feelings club
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡedF5cXWmIA
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG80FU3vyoV
Subject: certified mood
i would like to formally nominate you as:
my email pen pal
my official heartbreak soundtrack consultant
and co-author of “texts we never sent but emotionally screamed”
it’s a growing resume. benefits include emotional chaos and unsolicited memes.
– maya94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw9Mah6uvKP
possibly your new internet pen friend
From: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡU7NGWiyDCx
To: [email protected]94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3uWQ3nmkSc
Subject: i accept the role
with great inbox comes great responsibility.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdy4KI3DFwS
you send the songs, i’ll send the sarcasm.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeALNQP0MDc
together we’re like...94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiGjDpgCrk
the emotional avengers.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtp6mKn537q
no capes though. just playlists.
– eli94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaQTG3C2aFw
ready to rage, reply, repeat
Attachment: Liner Notes from Eli Martin94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡobuiju7fuI
🎧 “dear god why do men” – Reviewed
📝 liner notes by eli, who has clearly felt too much and judged too many fonts
Track 1: Misery Business – Paramore94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSHtmKfWLRG
this track made me want to break up with someone i’m not dating.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQpGRh4WKyY
⭐ rage level: 9.5/10
Track 2: Better Than Revenge – Taylor Swift94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Xtd6O3jNO
may have shouted “she’s not a saint!” at a squirrel.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK6SsRGv9Dw
⭐ sass factor: 11/10
Track 3: good 4 u – Olivia Rodrigo94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCsgQlGIBul
screamed into a spoon. felt better.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdNobyz34ms
⭐ catharsis: 10/10
Track 4: brutal – Olivia Rodrigo94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmREY0BUIAg
i knocked over a lamp. worth it.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjyTGT4vH0L
⭐ chaos energy: unmeasurable
Track 5: should’ve said no – Taylor Swift94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5xplVy4nYB
the rain cried for me.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLhMsBvXbTn
⭐ drama: peak
Track 6: Kill Bill – SZA94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzCrNLeV5ac
i do not condone murder. but i understand.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5liiGVUQMf
⭐ emotional weaponry: activated
Final thoughts:94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYoEMSqh47W
this playlist isn't therapy. it's exorcism.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvtqSt9VBb
i feel seen, personally attacked, and spiritually lighter.94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCyrjQ7wDe6
maya, if you ever make another one — please consider me your chaos consultant.
– eli94Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4ntL7p0U8P
officially unwell in a poetic way
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