/story/185036/交響j評文-心得專欄/issue/28
交響J評文/心得專欄 - 【混沌的血脈：淚別之殤】評文 | Penana
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交響J評文/心得專欄
ISSUE #28
Author: 交響J
交響J評文/心得專欄
Author: 交響J
ISSUE #28
【混沌的血脈：淚別之殤】評文
No Plagiarism!q8mAZSEBWxeTL66BmFM0posted on PＥNAＮＡ

1369732915685d0feb2d62d3.90779688-239147.png心裡的獨白已經講明是心理話了，就不需要再使用括號喔，要用也是用「」

那個嘻嘻，可以改成：奧菲妮絲嘻嘻笑道。108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡu7Dn4kKUYP

1667852439685d113f5d83e3.82643320-239147.png這個可以合併成一句講完喔，不需要分成兩段

交響私語：108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKEPnzqjxRS
108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDMIIr01Ids
文字成熟度不錯，就是有一些地方要修改一下比較好閱讀，也比較正確。

很抱歉，我看到第二章就撐不住了，我很明白前兩章都是在鋪陳，但也就是因為這樣的鋪陳讓故事在前頭就容易讀不下去，太攏長、太沉悶了。主線一直不出現。

我比較推薦，用故事的主線當起頭，然後藉由主線裡主角跟配角的對話、內心獨白、回憶來慢慢帶出前兩章想要表現的鋪陳or前因後果，這樣子的寫法我會覺得比較容易想繼續看下去。108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ573C9MqPyu
108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtNqVlSXSk
感覺作者可以再思考一下劇情的安排。

以上，一點想法僅供參考，謝謝你分享這部作品。^^

108Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQLmJ1ccH2X

216.73.216.82

ns216.73.216.82da2
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交響J評文/心得專欄
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Short Story
Last updated: Jul 7, 2025
Total word count: 13,437
Total reading time: 45 Minutes
Writer:
交響J
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