Tuesday, After class.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7jr7sIcVri
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I had been thinking about it all day.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3QELcGQQug
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About what Hina said yesterday afternoon, about what happened the week prior. Asking someone else to help with my problems. To fix what felt like to me, a burden that I had been carrying all my life. And the person chosen by her?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmC7iRWcgFz
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Kuroiwa Rei.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYiZgTp9EWG
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I was always familiar with that name. But the person behind it always felt far away and I had my back turned towards him. I’ve only caught the words that were constantly passing around the school. And they were not very pleasant to hear or even to think about. I didn't know what he looked like. Well... just vaguely. The same with most people in our class. I felt that everyone’s eyes refused to look at him. Just like mine. Not even a second.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp8SCf2AmTh
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“There has to be a better option.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJRUYAGnZmb
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Mika finally broke my chain of thoughts. She was standing in front of her desk, two rows near the windows at the front of the classroom.
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I had remained in my seat ever since class ended an hour ago.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXimanRfS8w
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I looked at her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfOiSWeWDC3
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Her arms crossed like she always did whenever she was against an idea she knew it didn't make any sense. Feet planted on the floor with one slightly ahead of the other. Her face, firm, different from how she usually looked. Her eyebrows tried meeting each other in the middle. I knew that look. I've always known it ever since we were little. And right now? That look was directed to Hina.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvhBJ6vxScx
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“Hina,” Mika continued. “Have you heard about this guy’s reputation?”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFU2XYTdPmY
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Hina was staring toward the back door of the classroom, sitting at her own desk near it. Calm. Steady. Her eyes looked with expectation and her smooth lips, covered with a thin layer of pink lipstick, smiled. She was very relaxed. In fact, she was so relaxed that if I stared at her for a few minutes, I would almost hear her humming in my head. And that bothered me. A tiny little bit.
“Someone told me that he fought ten upperclassmen behind the school!” Yui raised her hand as she poured some of her cheerfulness into jumping down from the teacher’s desk where she sat. “And as a matter of fact, everyone says he has connections to the yakuza.” 136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQbHzSjlhuS
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“I heard his eyes have supernatural ability to stab you just by looking,” Hina said. The smile on her face was still there. She turned around to look at Yui. “Apparently three students went blind last week.” She giggled.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuWJamJSWP4
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“That’s weird, I never heard of that.” Yui pondered.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc4HZM7RztI
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Mika started getting impatient. She never found anything funny about what had been said.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpYxUjh1h9p
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I did... giggled quietly.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYRuMnCS9sR
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“That’s exactly the point!” Mika uncrossed and recrossed her arms, which for her was the equivalent of raising her voice. “On top of everything – he’s a loner, he never talks to anyone, everyone at school avoids him. People don't just avoid someone for no reason, you know.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIiTrDcsRw
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I knew that. I knew all of that.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3wuh0PPlm
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Since the beginning of the school year, I had spent every school day believing what others had said. And his nature of always being a loner made a radius of two empty seats between him and everybody else during breaks.. The rumors sounded ridiculous, they all did. But there was no reason for me to just throw away all I heard. I never intended to talk to him in the first place, even now.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuP2cGaRsp
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But the image of my mom being worried, her calling my father who was working overseas. My friends’ frustrations whenever I didn't get what they were teaching me. The supplementary lessons after classes. Me having to go home alone. Everything. They were all mixing together with the thought of this mysterious person who was also my classmate.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw2TVSt5Om5
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I swallowed everything and said nothing.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡt1xxNbBqCm
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“Just trust me,” Hina said simply. She was looking at me specifically even though Mika was the one talking to her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡc9ItQneyRU
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I nodded. Very subtle nod.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJrB9Itcbbp
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Then she blinked towards Mika and gave her a stare, the one she always did when she meant to say that she knew more and had no intention to explain anything. We just had to accept it.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwN1Ez9J8En
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Mika opened her mouth. Closed it.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy7jOnfAmlh
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I felt the same way. When Hina was being like this, pushing back was going to become a huge wall to overcome. The words she spoke were few, but the weight of confidence in them was too heavy.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpp29tw2q4R
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“I just…” Mika lowered her voice. Her head tilted towards the floor. “I still don’t think this is a good idea.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8uinf59GQt
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“Terrible idea!” Yui agreed cheerfully while raising both her hands.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpivgXilXXj
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I sighed, stood up and went towards Yui. I couldn’t stand the fact that I felt like I was losing an argument I was never even a part of. Maybe in spirit. I don’t know.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡB3zpxSX0Tv
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Then the back door opened.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIDfo6CbItE
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I stopped in front of Yui when it happened. I saw her stand up straight from the sound. And I could feel Mika do the same without looking at her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGDiNCYnLiT
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I felt him come in.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWPYZTVEBip
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His steps were slow. With a certain rhythm that sounded careful. Sounded patient. Gentle.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzr2jaD9vw0
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Gentle?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUEbOrjgckU
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Curiosity crept into me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPZPjvcrUnT
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So I turned. Slowly. Reluctantly, like my body knew something my feet hadn’t caught up yet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwVlES0PKym
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I looked at him, and he saw my gaze. My eyes snapped back towards the floor.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡH6WYg0kcdD
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He kept walking. After taking a brief look, I got the feeling he had been observing us. The three of us in the front of the class. While he continued towards his seat. At the back beside the window.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwAMGbFpFOo
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Behind me, Yui was not moving. I couldn’t see her face but her hands suddenly gripping my arm already told me that she wasn’t looking at him either. Mika as well seemed to be doing the same when I glanced at her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp6JVlSTznH
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“What does he look like?” Yui whispered.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnjkBjoX2UH
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“You have eyes.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnM5FSYiCQG
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“I can’t use them right now.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFtzWPGpcuD
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“Why not?”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhk4PARQiNB
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“I just can’t.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡaK3UXNWkJZ
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“Hi.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzD04nIdaAw
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That calm voice that suddenly filled the silence came from Hina.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsqAftebiXa
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Just a little bit. For just a little bit I looked up at her direction.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFTElprrxz
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She was composed. Walking. Confident with each step. Towards the silhouette of that guy I was currently trying not to look at.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtvK72rpd8Q
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I could almost hear the thoughts of Yui and Mika synchronized with mine.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZfhi63V22e
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How?
How is she so calm right now?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjsAHW8GDAB
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“Kuroiwa Rei,” Hina said, with a slight hint of familiarity in her voice. But as far as I know, this is the first time I heard her talk to him. “Do you think you can listen for a second?”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGW0MRFEBTG
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The silence was everywhere inside the room. Too quiet that the noises that came from the classroom below us were the sounds I could hear.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVNLNLCnNkb
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I never heard an answer from him. Normally, you would stop talking to the guy at that point, right? Normally, you would think that he's not interested in having a conversation with you. But Hina was different. At least I think she was acting differently than normal at this point. I thought she knew what normal meant. But right now? She was definitely ignoring what it meant.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeZlRbH88wH
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“There’s something the four of us need from you.” And there you go, she kept talking. And of course, with the ease of someone acting like she did not just spend the last few minutes being reminded that this could be a bad idea. “We were hoping you might be able to help our friend study.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkPKY7HBGvO
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I flinched. I was not ready for the conversation to shift onto my existence.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbAQ2lMtpB
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“Study?” he said.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ85n8lwqYFy
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One word. The first time I heard him talk as far as I could remember. And it was that one word delivered in a voice that was flat and unhurried yet somehow still managed to fill the space it occupied completely.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzJSVIXZEqw
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“Exactly,” Hina said, sounding genuinely pleased.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡabNaW1op36
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I was not. Definitely not pleased.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGIYy6mDAeh
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I kept drifting my eyes towards Hina but when I caught a glimpse of him I reverted to my companion, which is the floor. I kept repeating the same thing, but mostly, the one who I intended to look at was Hina. And unfortunately, my eyes were conversing in silence with the floor when footsteps started to fill the room.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSr1niru9Er
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Slow. Steady. Careful. Patient.
My eyes refused to look up. I wanted to brace myself but perhaps looking down was the much safer option to choose right now.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDZDyilIQDZ
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The footsteps got closer. Then stopped.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSFLxK48q3u
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It stopped right in front of me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCjJietR7Ed
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I didn’t move. I tried to breathe.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKUCmXbUwsi
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Then I looked up because not looking felt worse. I was careful not to look at his face. But an open hand sure appeared right in front of me. Patiently waiting.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtrLZFja27H
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“Test papers,” he said.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQDwNF4ZTd0
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“Ah.” I didn’t intend to let out any sound, I did anyways.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnozvtBdBlP
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I hurriedly went back to my seat but the grip of Yui’s hand behind me slowed me down a little. I wasn’t thinking about it when I released my arm from her hands. I felt her trying to grab it again but I was already far. I felt sorry. She stood there in front of him for two seconds before she decided to follow me and settled behind me once again. My hands managed to find my test papers inside my bag. I took a deep breath then started walking towards him. Yui followed me, still behind me. Then, without looking at him directly, I offered them to him.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqFTg90SZh9
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At that moment I wondered.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPQ4BCQIPrB
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Will he laugh? The thoughts arrived continuously. I’ve never shown anyone these scores except my friends. Not even my mom. Is he even capable of laughing?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnL77E78fb
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“I bet his laugh would sound like a villain’s,” Yui whispered from behind me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuJXJfTJ6BK
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“Not now,” I whispered back.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdEbpVNZTey
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He took the papers and glanced at the first one.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOEhkqpLRu7
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“Terrible.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfVAUU09mFi
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I heard Yui swallow a laugh behind me and I made a note to address that later.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTTxDPLoN9b
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“Hey.” Mika raised her voice suddenly. She still looked stiff but the comment she heard from him somehow gathered some courage for her to say what was on her mind. “You can’t just say it like that.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4JUoSSv1KX
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He looked at her from the corner of his eye.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDuNXILXECc
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She went quiet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1P3PZPJ0is
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Thank you, Mika… Sorry, Mika…136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6j4fDixB7V
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The movements of his hands told me that he went back to examine my test papers. I still couldn’t look at his face. Partly because of the conceived idea that this guy was scary. And also partly because I was nervous about seeing his judging eyes. I just stared at his hands. He wasn’t saying anything but I could feel the tension building around my stomach. I could imagine him trying to look at every single mistake I made, every silly answers I gave. And I wanted to sigh. I couldn’t even sigh.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA0ddElTzt7
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“But not impossible,” he said.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡytj8Mkm8uK
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I blinked.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZ275S5Ru1M
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“Really?” Hina sounded delighted. I was confused.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYT2p6uRvwP
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Not… impossible… I repeated his words back to my thoughts.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgtZb39ybQ9
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“She answered everything,” he continued. “Ninety percent wrong. But she answered everything.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlSs7JQURgg
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Another muffled sound from behind me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2dxd5inOg2
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Yui… I swear.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ8G3PQQBVo
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“The answers she gave were wrong. But they aren’t random,” he explained. “She gave some kind of logic behind them, wrong logic, but there’s effort and it shows that she’s trying to solve them.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8nU9xwOhj
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I listened to him. And I started thinking back.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfGFBlV8qNn
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Because..136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjzB2POopxC
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I had tried. I had studied. I gave my all.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb4yjKJBUbJ
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Everything was wrong in the end. It felt like I wasted all those times I stayed up late reading my notes, checking all my text books and yet failing to retain what I learned.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡls1MLmZma4
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I gave the right efforts for everything. But the wrong results were what I got back.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0acNgawX2A
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I wanted to tell him. I wanted someone to acknowledge them. And I don’t know if he did. So I asked.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbVb5HipXMH
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“Does that mean… there’s still hope?” My voice came out steadier than I expected.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡI322lh4mCF
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“Sure,” he replied.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡS8v6FtPvu8
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That wasn’t reassuring. An of course would’ve been better. Just sure, like it was simply a fact he was confirming.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9Kz2mSnpVF
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I’ll take it, I thought.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCvTRkOVOHr
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“But I have a condition,” he suddenly added.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbBs0PU2MTI
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I was in the middle of smiling when I heard that. And I felt my smile slowly fading and then my mouth opened.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTh3IS1Frc
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Of course. It’s not going to be for free.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡl6SGbn6kad
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“How much?” I asked, before I’d thought about it.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr3q8LiHN9Y
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“I don’t need your money.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡp7Q30CRoCk
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I looked at him… for a second then I looked at his hands. Then what?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsQ7I4f9Kax
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“What do you mean?” Mika already asked before I could. She already crossed her arms again, and that meant she was already done adapting from the tension. I wished I could do the same. “If it’s not money, tell us what you want.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXIbKXV7wIj
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ461oQuUG4B
He was just silent. Then he walked. Unhurried as always, back to his seat.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZdDFbTyhVJ
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT1pid2LyIZ
He reached into his bag and took out a notebook. Then he slowly tore a page from it. He steadily placed the notebook back inside his bag. And carefully he wrote on that page he tore. He patiently folded it neatly. And then he finally walked back.
Why is he being slow when I’m already nervous?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ52XNJjLrol
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgOGxZHdzdN
He stopped in front of me and held out that neatly folded paper to me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLVi6Vfrq0C
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ02sQe5FuI9
“Don’t open it yet,” he said. “That’s my address.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLCd9i6PPJj
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡXNbhZc2iqT
“Why are you giving her your address?” Mika’s voice went sharp immediately.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEJXfNR6YXt
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrYxBI9IMj3
He kept his eyes on me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQb0GK7i574
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiqhJwiu0y
“Come to that address tomorrow afternoon,” he said. “Alone. If you want to hear the condition, you’ll hear it there.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡF7k8vmuPwq
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9OX4YhtXKM
Alone? I sat with that word for a moment.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8e51yqAYY4
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOPwutyfzT
Alone. In his apartment. Just the two of us?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVp0d6ohvRk
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlyR6CGeOTW
Me, with a boy with a terrible reputation?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Dt7ZZniED
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKqhdLXryo1
I had to say no. No was the immediate answer. And it’s where this conversation should end.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGOm6JfuY8t
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡECGHfHE2ww
But the word. That one easy word to say wouldn’t come out. Instead it was drowned by two other words.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZMmODsIa03
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡel8G06OX3j
Not Impossible.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGl3PeY1heD
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMeGyaG7YyI
“No!” Mika said what I couldn't. “Absolutely not! Why does she need to come alone? I’ll go with her.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdmRoIG7jB6
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡePRk23kXbT
“I need her to come alone.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJtpmIa40ng
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnUXOxNWxiI
“Then this is over. We’re not agreeing to that.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuyo1AJm0S
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxE43N0uAEd
He looked at her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGPOe1nr3NG
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡss5dEbKRDV
“Tojo Mika,” he said.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxzXnQKKbsi
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHGzUXIzcdS
Mika stopped.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtPDKkiHE46
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBuMFmMjR0x
“Always ready to answer when the teacher calls on you. Above average grades. A few points from breaking into the top ten.” He retained his usual way of talking. Serious, precise and unwavering. “The annoying girl with pigtails.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJks6QrrKJz
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr1UPkLXt7A
Mika’s mouth opened.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡb6UAQfOyhB
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9EI8zUMcKz
“Shirogane Yui.” He stared at the one who had been trying to hide behind me all this time.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7jiyExwFn
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoyP0EuaHJz
Yui made a small startled sound.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJ36FXA55Za
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ94EEJObtn4
“Decent in class. Your reasoning when teachers call on you is good. You just don’t take studying seriously enough. A little more effort and you’d be above average.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7LumChlILg
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfzqPsKK1A
“Oh,” Yui said softly. I could practically feel her eyes glittering wide behind me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcfJJVMHkeW
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiNjEYRuM0Y
“Asakura Hina.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJyYcCs1JXw
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIGNLhBCuZs
“Hmm?” Hina tilted her head like she’d just been greeted across the cafeteria.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6RYotvOHsO
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvxVuTTxfka
He paused for a second.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5ObhhRFBNU
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuIRti6TNio
“Top two in our grade. Excellent across subjects. Your math is the one place you’re leaving points on the table.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡjwG7YwlRVX
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbprRw3epW9
“My, you’re actually right.” Hina smiled. Genuinely smiled. Like she was pleased someone had brought it out and noticed.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOwHXk73l9T
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9N6vUan4P2
I heard that. And I wanted to protest. She got 91 in math and he still called it lacking? Isn’t that a little bit absurd?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5Y4ARWfQpq
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPjAEyDBTIL
I felt mildly annoyed this time.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUT5IZ04Z8X
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmfsMmwlf7H
“None of you are bad students,” he continued. “All three of you know how to study.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8tocu7gvDH
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡRTg4V9X5FX
“So what is your point?” Mika said. Still sounding fierce. But when I looked at her. She was looking at the floor. It felt like she knew what he was going to say next but still asked anyway.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLGV3jzPXHy
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsO5IeakMUf
“And yet.” He paused. “You gave up on her.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9TsEFJrhSq
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6kuJEBXAnC
Everyone went still.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdOMawvu7aO
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvaMiZ3Pnkc
Yui stopped moving behind me. Mika’s arms dropped slowly. Even Hina was quiet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZmE4VXgfio
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkzk1A2ObXD
As for myself. I did not understand what he meant.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1lmwxilWZw
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4Ss80r4ZTB
“You probably tried,” he continued. “And when it didn’t work, you stopped. Three people who know how to study. And none of you stopped to ask why it wasn’t working for her. Why she couldn’t hold onto what you were teaching her.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDSzqsFVWPY
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHacqFTtZLq
“It’s not their fault.” I let it out. I wasn’t planning to, but I let it out all the same. My voice was shaking slightly, I wanted him to stop. “It’s hard for me to hold onto things. They’d explain something and I’d get it, and then after a while it would be gone. It’s not their fault. They did everything for me. They did everything they could. I was just… lacking…”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡA85Ubq9vcU
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡfD7fdGAlJu
My hands were shaking at my sides.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ597nMK19IS
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3NEnZ6hnFh
“I’m the problem. Not them.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡG3SzntmGUO
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyrhbpW5lVK
I tried to let those words sink into him. But the voice that came out next wasn’t from the person I wanted to speak in this moment.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1g8b992tRd
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡuX6vT1A0JB
“I’m sorry, Runa,” Mika said. It was barely a whisper.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGdR04LCaUV
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUpBu4SDp9X
Behind me. Yui’s hands let go of my arm and she wrapped hers around me. She was quiet, and her embrace meant an apology I didn’t want her to give.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ25pLovMJRH
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwv6rEe3JqR
I stared at the floor.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Kkiavxtjb
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡM0EZAZNHnJ
It’s not their fault. It was never their fault.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZAmDhBvIhO
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡN282JeZJ14
He let out a long exhale from across me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡux6FF3Ek7e
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡE2leAcBmVK
“I know,” he said. “You think it’s your fault.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡX6lqWVJlan
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY7h0fD7lBF
“You don’t understand…” I looked up at him. I looked up at his face. And for the first time I actually looked. Really looked. And I noticed immediately. His hair, messy and dark. Clearly never been introduced to a comb. His face that looked sharper than I expected up close. Angular in a way that would have been striking if he put any effort into it at all, which I assumed was something he would never do. He’s taller than me by some noticeable margin. And his eyes were just looking back at me. Dark and direct and completely still. Intense, in a way that made sense of why people avoided them. But honest. Telling me that all he just said was true. “Don’t say it like that about them. They tried. They really tried to help me. They tried everything.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK41fBhkcze
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Nn1XHLuaT
He held my stare. Never looked away, never felt threatened. Somehow it was more unnerving than if he had.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ43tiwItu0M
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1Yd8FCqZFO
“You’re right,” he said. “I don’t understand.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJN4ihSgeGi
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqPnPJ5A2p7
He looked around and then stopped his gaze on me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡVyZMl4iErK
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡw8NQV8HknL
“But from where I’m standing. All of you are at fault.” His voice cut through my excuses. “Not because they gave up, but because none of you understood why it wasn’t working. Not them. Not you. Nobody stopped to ask the right question.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTeKuSXUXS5
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZLOKuiLzV0
Where I failed, he succeeded. Those words he said sank deep inside me. But the quiet my friends had surrounded me with, made me feel like it sank deeper for them.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0uqs9UeRsL
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBl0x92pCcV
“Studying is a skill,” he said suddenly. “It’s not something you either have or don’t. It’s something you learn. Something you can get better at. But only if you understand how.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwYeYEpbZxI
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzOezYJZXwi
That stuck inside my thoughts.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdupeUWJrYy
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLDmhSwrgPV
A skill.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMcEkRICuxY
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHAVRYQC2OZ
Not a talent. Not something you either had or didn’t. Something you could actually get better at.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPnBjPTWiQS
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEXd8rI2Ger
Which sounded like exactly the kind of thing someone said right before they sold you something.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEy3fRt14r8
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡywL1t4gt3h
And yet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡL8kUsUkIv6
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmNdIOyR5ou
I wanted to believe it so badly. I wanted it to be real. But I don’t know if he was telling the truth. I don’t know if I could actually trust his words.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡMzgWi59A46
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡoHNI3oEONE
He moved towards his bag and carried it with his hand towards the back door of the classroom where he suddenly stopped.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkMLtOeH1ml
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ00N33uu19w
I watched him. He was moving slowly, but not as slow as I remembered a few minutes ago.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ8K623SV2kz
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOnnSHmmjvM
“If I help you,” he said, “you’ll be in the top ten of our grade by the end of the year.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIztSmXYfpr
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLy3pqXccbP
Mika’s eyebrow went up.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡKMl54R05Yd
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlq8lXB7grX
I didn’t say anything. I just listened.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡv0htDSVYpN
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvuSlvKtc5u
“It won’t be easy,” he continued. “But it’s achievable.” He stared at me. “If you agree to my condition.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡTC7Mbc2YL4
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4TQJEefhop
And just like that. He was gone.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtuU2bjpbPJ
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhkZIjoEX5I
Nobody was making a sound. Not even Yui, who I thought would’ve already said something ridiculous but she stayed behind me gripping her arms around me tighter than before.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡrdYYNEwFY9
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhNgR5t7qV
“He called me annoying.” Mika broke the silence. Her voice had a mix of ‘about to get angry’ and ‘about to get confused’.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3OhpwRx6a2
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡHDKG2hgrvr
“He called all of us by name,” Hina offered.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6WTUJTLEGL
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLzPijeymZa
“He specifically called me annoying!”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5vbytrBrzn
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCMXHRFql5m
“He also assessed all our academic capabilities without ever being asked.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcRDt8ItoiT
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsVWtdPdfcX
“That’s creepy and also not the point.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡokL9t2X7XN
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡflqPGDyv5r
“He was wrong to call you annoying,” Hina said. “But was he wrong about everything else?”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWySDIE5aIH
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9K93GYs4CO
Mika slowly stared at the floor. “...No.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsbN9kVnzSG
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDGhwTsKNy9
“I was hurt as well, since he was right.” Hina carefully walked towards Mika, then she placed her hand on Mika’s head. “But I think he is someone we can trust,” she said and her familiar smile returned.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcCWvWqatKT
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOaJhivQ2zM
“How do you know that?” Yui finally spoke, peeking at Hina from behind me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBIuWoTGUap
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡci7bqEDldE
Hina smiled wider. “I just do.” She glanced at Yui and gave her a little wink.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2tfJTnRogu
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYlVYQuxiCs
“You can be really weird sometimes,” Yui told her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡasIDa5srlo
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCBKz93tc6W
And I agreed with Yui. I didn’t know what to think. Everything he said seemed too good to be true. Top ten? In just a year?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡYLxbfH40C5
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0Y782hWX5M
I looked at the folded paper in my hand.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqVf7gYDpAZ
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡa3fsccOfHJ
“… I still don’t trust him,” Mika said quietly. But I heard it.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0EEY5hu47j
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLRffS62Ra9
I don’t either. But the hope he gave me was uncomfortable and at the same time something that I wanted to hold onto. Something that maybe could turn my life around.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZm2XBJWYNb
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJaSRnXICSK
I closed my fingers around the paper.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgG1S6BEIkp
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGaQ6yJP3XW
This idea is terrible, I thought.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡPtnbZm5xFq
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡNrTXD5PWwU
And yet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5x2lnIyl0S
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ6a0XuWh9LB
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK3fnHkyRf6
Tuesday, afternoon136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEiEtSLcAjN
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTEPji3hbg
On the walk to the station, Yui and Hina did most of the talking.
Yui finally regained enough of her composure for her to tell us stories about what was happening in another class. Specifically class 2-C. And she presented them with such focus and energy that she was like delivering some breaking news. Hina listened as she always did and sometimes contributed to them as well.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡolo8jq7kTx
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWP7BwUz9Vt
I laughed with them. I said the right things. I didn’t want to show that what happened just a few moments ago was still shaking my thoughts.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡdufXXyyMaj
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3YNvkgNH1k
Mika walked beside me like she always did. She wasn’t talking.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlpKOIi0T5o
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSPFbLg28wx
That was always how she got when something was sitting on her. The words went inward instead of out. I knew because I’d been watching it happen since we were small enough that the walk between our houses felt like an adventure.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyNyNqzFKPw
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFT1CcOH7gN
We split at the station like we always did. Yui and Hina going one direction, Mika and I going the other. Yui waved her hands as she rode the train with Hina. I smiled at her. And then they were gone.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSv7RHEKySe
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ5KUi8kmrEL
The train was quiet for the few stops between school and home, and by the time we were walking the familiar street toward our houses the afternoon had gone golden and long around us.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpq4vxZLKB5
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkZ7s4S4197
Mika hadn’t said anything yet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeEAA8FgSln
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I let her be.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡEfoBamFvLq
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡlhR1QjCzsG
“Will you go?” she asked finally.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0PJB3OBfWk
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡW7CaV0QwOg
“I don’t know.” I wasn’t sure. Maybe I was sure.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ7TiRGo0E80
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ9zHQ0vZCgJ
I don’t know. I repeated in my head.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWT6RVrqTB4
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡQ900qyWXXN
“He’s not someone you can trust easily,” Mika continued.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡUjn35JcTW7
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡvTx05PyTgt
“I know.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡCglOr3gblB
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡbuDorU56Co
“Everything he said…” She stopped herself. I knew what the end of that sentence was.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡppoKd9WAmY
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡGuTdWI95mC
Sounds impossible. Doesn’t add up. Doesn’t make sense.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡhTAZ5HVVnb
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“I know,” I said again.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡok5E98eCvk
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡztrBk4JxsE
We walked half a block without talking.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡK0SZ2PFmPG
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡr2bT85Aghy
“I’m sorry,” Mika said. Softer this time. “I keep thinking, if we’d tried harder, or differently…”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡD6aEKVgefa
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡe9cTj0V4wK
“Stop,” I said gently. “It’s not yours to be sorry for. I mean it.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡsfCDRti97I
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzm0ow8baPR
“I want to try again. We can start over, do it differently…”
“Mika…”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJAOwRF2XPD
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ0zOm7FzLgm
She went quiet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡeqWluHNDFD
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡnxVeOPNcOe
“You already tried,” I said. “You all did. And I know you would again if I asked. But I also know it didn’t work, and I don’t know why, and maybe that’s what he was talking about.” I looked at the street ahead. “The right question nobody asked.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡDme4UGnT1c
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ3BDqmS4bEv
Mika kept silent as we continued to walk.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡh9rAWcmYtw
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZST4K0Tu29
A few seconds later.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmXteBzFK12
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡkXCoxFpq6D
“If you decide to go,” Mika said eventually, “and anything feels wrong…”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxgqKSZngcO
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFv2u4ychQl
“I’ll call you immediately.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡpVZx2Te4iX
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFy663bl05I
“Before immediately.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡy3XBRNVrEQ
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBeB8YrNtKS
“Before immediately,” I agreed.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4kfaMPO0Si
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ1MyG3c0kue
“I don’t want you to go.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSV1wtTtsQU
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡtXga6tCjNO
“I know.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOD8VyEb7nM
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiC2RWecFJi
“But you’re going to anyway.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡgK4nk0rpdz
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡiRKWTnVs7T
I looked at the folded paper still in my hand.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡSTmNl3A8DP
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwInwFarZg5
“...Maybe,” I said.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡT6w6lPtr92
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡqihO4OSnOW
Mika exhaled. She knew that at this point she would never be able to convince me.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ2HHjAMPSk7
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡIyL03v4qPJ
I smiled at her.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡOtQA0tIdLN
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡWT6TenelMt
“Stay safe,” she said. “Call me when you get there. Call me when you leave.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4qKonv8gRj
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡwKvkOjVoKN
“Okay, mom.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ84XNmAID8n
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡmC0PAG7MW1
“I’m serious.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡxTpLpQimJj
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡBWsvVwXiyt
“I know you are. That’s why I said it.”136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡLiCzMGD9xg
She smiled at me but as soon as she turned away, I caught her trying to hide an expression she didn’t want me to see.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFicWXl4Nro
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡ4itxyAkAcS
I looked up at the sky instead. The clouds had turned colors, orange edging into pink at the horizon, the blue above it going deeper.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡzHbv0cCS3N
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡyii3IDMOiJ
Will I go?136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡY5S0FUjeqE
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡcUfRHKRoDV
I didn’t have the answer yet.136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡZQw3laFnfV
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡJg2R3N8hci
But I was running out of time to keep saying I didn’t know.
136Please respect copyright.ＰＥＮＡＮＡFBoIwlrMxN
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