Disorder - Why

You ask me why I want to be so skinny?

To be reduced to nothing but skins on bones?

Remember that time where I was a big fat joke?

That is the reason why.

Remember when mum said I should wear a bra even though I'm a guy?

Or when you told me you could see hideous stretch marks?

Or when my sister bought me that shirt that says "I'm fat and I'm proud"?

Those are the reasons why.

They were jokes and I laughed and lied

But you have no idea how much I cried that night

How I hated every part of myself

Like the useless blob of shit I was

Do you know how much it hurts?

To be the pig of the class?

To be that trash no one loves?

Do you have any idea at all how much I cried?

How broken I was inside?

How I wished every single day that I would just die?

Do you know how I tried cutting the fat off?

How I tried literally burning it off?

How I would starve for weeks and laugh it off?

Those are the reasons why.

Those are the reasons why I am what I am today.

Those are the reasons why I panic when the numbers on the scale increase

Those are the reasons why I can't live a normal life.

It was YOUR fault

IT WAS ALL OF YOUR FAULT!

So don't pity me or sympathize with me or try to understand me

And don't fucking ask me why.

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